I'm temporarily putting a stop on my drinking [or maybe for good?], not quite sure

[dvsxx6]

Hey everyone!

I'm gona keep this as brief as possible since I'm in somewhat of a hurry. I basically would like to know how to tell my best friends/friends/acquaintances and people that I meet that I don't want to drink. I am the kind of person who is the complete party animal, who is the life of the party [with or without alcohol], but I have noticed [due to an unfortunate incident which forced me to be sober and to watch my actions], that I was able to handle myself better than I would have when I were drinking. And I really shocked myself at the inner strength that I possessed. The next night after that horrible incident, I wanted to try out the 'no drinking' thing, and after having 1 beer, I noticed that my brain functioning [lol my thinking] was slowed waaaay down and I was not nearly as witty and then I became self conscious and weird. Usually I would have 10-15 drinks a nite and be pretty loose but I guess cause I was tryin out something new [not drinking], I heavily monitored my own actions which caused me to be self conscious which is not my norm.

 

So basically, I know that everyone in my life is going to be completely shocked and will not believe their ears that I want to stop drinking. I don't want to tell them flat out that I don't want to drink anymore, but if I don't want to drink let's say on a Friday nite, should I just tell them "I don't want to drink" tonight? I was thinking of telling my friends "Maybe I'll have one later" but then just not drinking. I know, that's a lil cowardly, but they all like to egg me on and at the moment, I'm not sure of what to say. I know that if I had something acceptable to say [which is why I need advice from you guys from LoveShack] then I will be assertive and say it. I want my answer to be acceptable in a way that it's not condescending [iE "I don't need to drink to have fun"] or in a way that's like "Oh I messed up too many times w/ alcohol so I don't want to drink anymore". I want something in between but I wouldn't know how to go about that.

 

And when I say that my friends "egg me on", I'm not saying that they're not true friends, I'm saying that most of them equate drinking with fun and they want me to have the best time possible. I on the other hand equate drinking as "well, it used to be so much fun, and damn have I got myself into some good and dirty trouble, but now I enjoy myself WITHOUT drinking which I never thought would ever be possible. *yay* :-)

 

What if I decide on quitting drinking for good? Do I tell people that I just met that "I've had a bad history w/ alcohol" and leave it at that?.. I don't want to scare people into thinking that I'm crazy when I've consumed alcohol, it's just that I am really rowdy and sometimes a little overbearing when I drink. And I do things that I really regret later on in the future. I am now happy to say that as of late (without drinking), I have started to work out 4-5x a week again, eating healthy, I've quit smoking for a week now, (drinking actually got me back into smoking, but since I'm stopping/[maybe permanently] quitting drinking, I think my smoking-quit will last this time], and overall, I am just loving my life! I have found an inner peace and have actually had more fun when I wasn't drinking and the great news is, no hangoverrrr!!

 

So what do you guys think? Any suggestions? Thanks in advance and any advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

Aloha,

*DvS*

 

PS. So much for the "brief" entry huh? LoL

[knaveman]

Hey everyone!

I'm gona keep this as brief as possible since I'm in somewhat of a hurry.

 

so much for keeping it brief!

 

Anyway, do what you want and don't worry about your friends too much. I'm in a similar situation and I have tried to tell my friends that I don't want to drink anymore but all I get is grief and end up drinking anyway. Because I am weak. It's work and it's a process, but it's also what I want to do.

 

If nothing else, just order a drink and keep it all night. Don't worry about explaining yourself to anyone. Drinking is not bad, drinking too much is where we get into trouble.

 

It all boils down to doing what is right for you. Don't worry about your friends too much because they will always want you to go with the crowd. Worry about you and if it's right your friends will follow. If you need help, come here. Part of growing up and growing older is the changing we all do, if you don't change you never learn. Don't be afraid to change, even if it's against the crowd. You have only one concern, you.

[Nikki Sahagin]

I'm trying to do this as well. I've never been a MASSIVE drinker but I have my moments. I basically keep it to myself. You don't need to accounce that you're going to stop drinking, just stop doing it! But definately some friends will feel uncomfortable about the fact. If you go to a pub or for a night out and you aren't drinking - people feel the need to force alcohol upon you. They look at you like you're insane if you are voluntarily CHOOSING not to drink. It is such an engraind part of our society and culture that it has become key to our abilities to socialise. Some of my friends use the excuse of driving or lack of money. After all continuous hardcore partying and drinking is expensive! Just try to be STUBBORN and stick your heels in because people will try to make you give in to drinking. I've noticed people don't seem to like seeing others make a positive change, it makes them feel they almost should be doing the same.

 

In my experience people have kept asking me why i'm not drinking and even gone so far as to BUY me drinks to try to get me to drink guiltily. The desperation of some aye? But just remember the reasons you are giving up drinking! Your wallet/purse will appreciate it as well!

[whichwayisup]

You don't "owe" anyone an explanation of why you've chosen not to drink. You don't have to announce it, but if someone notices you aren't drinking, just say I'm not in the mood to drink. It's that plain and simple. If you make a big issue of it, people WILL react and make it into a bigger issue/discussion.

[dvsxx6]

so much for keeping it brief!

LOL I know right? Well that actually was my brief cause I could have shared many more examples of my drinking history, etc but, yes that was pretty long-winded, I apologize lol.

 

Anyway, do what you want and don't worry about your friends too much. I'm in a similar situation and I have tried to tell my friends that I don't want to drink anymore but all I get is grief and end up drinking anyway. Because I am weak. It's work and it's a process, but it's also what I want to do.

 

Ultimately, it is up to you and maybe announcing that you don't want to drink is putting too much pressure on yourself. If you feel that you're getting grief, perhaps you could have soda or water in between drinks. That's a small step, but if you want to limit or stop your drinking, that's a start

If nothing else, just order a drink and keep it all night. Don't worry about explaining yourself to anyone. Drinking is not bad, drinking too much is where we get into trouble.

Drinking too much is definitely the huge problem. I'm taking a Sociology course at the University of Hawaii and my professor said something that really struck a cord w/ me. She said "Why have more than 3 or 4 drinks [or whatever you limit is after you're buzzed?] Do you expect to feel any better than how you did after you were buzzed? You can't get back to that "feel-good, buzzed" point after you consumed more than your limit, you're just going to end up falling down, or being incoherent which isn't really the point to why most people drink. Most people drink to loosen up and to have a good time, how can you have a good time when you're drunk?" That is SO TRUE!! I would usually drink 10-15 drinks and "think" that I was having a great time! I can't recall a time when I had a great time while I was drunk! Most times, I regretted my decisions and felt completely embarrassed by my drunken and foolish actions! That drinking to excess observation and comment by my professor really reaffirmed my stance on why I should not drink [personally, I don't like to just have 1 or 2 drinks. I would need more, thus, me = a drunken idiot]. I hope that what my professor said helps you guys out as well.

 

It all boils down to doing what is right for you. Don't worry about your friends too much because they will always want you to go with the crowd. Worry about you and if it's right your friends will follow. If you need help, come here. Part of growing up and growing older is the changing we all do, if you don't change you never learn. Don't be afraid to change, even if it's against the crowd. You have only one concern, you.

 

You are absolutely right, it is about what is right for myself. That's not at all being selfish and my main priority in life is to live healthily and have a great time with friends. I don't need alcohol to have fun anymore, which is really surprising but if that is my newfound outlook on life, I should embrace that stance & freaking rejoice cause I sure had a huge problem with alcohol and drugs for the past 3 years [and I'm only 22]. I don't want to imagine how my life would be if I continue my heavy partying. I will without a doubt become an alcoholic. I can feel it, and I don't want to be an addict to anything anymore. I'm young but that shouldn't be an excuse cause I'm "planting my seeds now" sotospeak, and I'm setting habits that will inevitably affect how I handle myself and deal with stress in the future. I don't want to turn to drinking to deal my problems.

 

I hope all goes well for you in your attempts to stop drinking too. I hope that you could find the willpower within you to stop drinking, if that is ultimately what you really want to do. It's a personal choice that does go against the norm in our society, but we don't have to follow trends. Heck, we'll make our own trends by showing how cool not drinking is [i know 2 guys in my big group of friends who don't drink, who dance and who flirt and do all kinds of things and who are the most sociable people out of all of us. It really is admirable and respectable that they go out, and have fun yet they don't need alcohol as a "social lubricant"]. I know that I am naturally fun like them too, and have finally found the willpower to break away from alcohol.

 

But anyway, Thanks for the comment, I appreciate it! This is not so brief, but I hope you found this somewhat useful! lol. Take care and keep me posted on how things go with you. If you need any help, feel free to msg me!

[dvsxx6]

I'm trying to do this as well. I've never been a MASSIVE drinker but I have my moments. I basically keep it to myself. You don't need to accounce that you're going to stop drinking, just stop doing it! But definately some friends will feel uncomfortable about the fact. If you go to a pub or for a night out and you aren't drinking - people feel the need to force alcohol upon you. They look at you like you're insane if you are voluntarily CHOOSING not to drink. It is such an engraind part of our society and culture that it has become key to our abilities to socialise. Some of my friends use the excuse of driving or lack of money. After all continuous hardcore partying and drinking is expensive! Just try to be STUBBORN and stick your heels in because people will try to make you give in to drinking. I've noticed people don't seem to like seeing others make a positive change, it makes them feel they almost should be doing the same.

 

In my experience people have kept asking me why i'm not drinking and even gone so far as to BUY me drinks to try to get me to drink guiltily. The desperation of some aye? But just remember the reasons you are giving up drinking! Your wallet/purse will appreciate it as well!

 

It sucks that others may feel awkward if I'm not drinking, but that just shows that person's insecurities. And I know what you mean about people buying you drinks.. it's a nice gesture but really, if I wanted one, I'd get one. Thanks for the comment and good luck w/ not drinking!

[dvsxx6]

You don't "owe" anyone an explanation of why you've chosen not to drink. You don't have to announce it, but if someone notices you aren't drinking, just say I'm not in the mood to drink. It's that plain and simple. If you make a big issue of it, people WILL react and make it into a bigger issue/discussion.

 

 

Yep, agreed, however I'm not planning on making it a big issue. Naturally, my friends will ask me why I'm not drinking. [as I've mentioned before, I have been known to get crazy and be the life of the party, so of course they're not going to automatically accept the "I'm not in the mood to drink" answer.]. Some of them now know that I have more fun without alcohol and they were really surprised to hear that. This past Fri nite for example, I was w/ a bunch of my friends and the host of the party said "Wow *DvS* I'm disappointed in you! [he said this in a joking way] and I said "You're dissapointed? Why are you disappointed?" and he said "because I brought all of this beer and you aren't drinking ANY of it!" and I laughed and said "I'm enjoying myself and having a great time w/out alcohol" and he respected that and said "That's good, the main thing is that you're having fun". But then he said "Next time you'll drink".. LOL but the main thing is that I don't equate alcohol with fun anymore. Many of my friends do and that's fine, I'm fine with that. Bottom line is I do what I want and whatever makes me happy

 

Thanks for the feedback, whiswayisup

[Lights]

What if I decide on quitting drinking for good? Do I tell people that I just met that "I've had a bad history w/ alcohol" and leave it at that?.. I don't want to scare people into thinking that I'm crazy when I've consumed alcohol, it's just that I am really rowdy and sometimes a little overbearing when I drink. And I do things that I really regret later on in the future. I am now happy to say that as of late (without drinking), I have started to work out 4-5x a week again, eating healthy, I've quit smoking for a week now, (drinking actually got me back into smoking, but since I'm stopping/[maybe permanently] quitting drinking, I think my smoking-quit will last this time], and overall, I am just loving my life! I have found an inner peace and have actually had more fun when I wasn't drinking and the great news is, no hangoverrrr!!

 

Congratulations and good luck! It's great to hear you've made good improvements to your life and are loving life; that's probably the best and most important of all out of all of this.

 

I know what you're dealing with; I too have been through the "alcohol usage is how people of our age have fun" thing and peer pressure and all before. If you decide to quit for good, then you decide to quit for good. It's not something that you need to have an excuse to explain to anyone else for. In my case, I decided that alcohol simply has no place in my life, and stuck to it, no matter what anyone else said.

[knaveman]

I can't recall a time when I had a great time while I was drunk! Most times, I regretted my decisions and felt completely embarrassed by my drunken and foolish actions!

 

 

So terribly true.

[dvsxx6]

Congratulations and good luck! It's great to hear you've made good improvements to your life and are loving life; that's probably the best and most important of all out of all of this.

 

I know what you're dealing with; I too have been through the "alcohol usage is how people of our age have fun" thing and peer pressure and all before. If you decide to quit for good, then you decide to quit for good. It's not something that you need to have an excuse to explain to anyone else for. In my case, I decided that alcohol simply has no place in my life, and stuck to it, no matter what anyone else said.

 

::Lights::

Thank you for the congrats and good luck. It was a long time comin, but I've finally seen the "light" LoL. I know now not to give in so easily and you're right, we've got to stick to what we value and believe and not give into what others say.

 

I wish you the best of luck in the future! Take care

[whichwayisup]

Naturally, my friends will ask me why I'm not drinking.

 

Then you just say I'm sick of drinking and I want to feel healthier.

 

You can have just as much fun without drinking..Infact, you may look at your friends and wonder why they need to get smashed to have fun all the time..