Chreal Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 Thanks for reading this. I don't understand my behaviour. Me and my wife got married just over two years ago, after about a year of dating. I love her very much, and when I'm not around her I miss her a lot. But Ive always done horrible things to her. Early on there were a couple big lies that she discovered that really made her unable to trust me, and that still is there...she does not trust me on a lot of things, and still with good reason. I went through my childhood and teenaged years lying to get out of hard or uncomfortable situations. It became what I did, and I still do it. I lie about having paid this or that bill, I lie about what I think , I even lie about whether or not I took the dog outside! I don't seem to stop, though I dearly want to, as it is tearing us apart. Another problem seems to be that I cant seem to show her any affection. It has to do with sex too. I dont seem to want her anymore, and I dont know why. In the beginning I did, but it has faded almost away. I dont understand, because I want to want her, and she has self-esteem problems so when she can clearly see how i am not interested, she gets very upset and sad, and I completely understand. But I dont stop. To top it all off I am often emotionally distant. I cannot seem to connect with her on any emotional level. I want to be able to understand her, and I want to empathize with her when she is sad, but I cant seem to be able to. Sometimes I manufacture the feelings, but she can always tell. I have made all these promises to change, and in that moment I really ment them, but when I wake up the next morning they are all gone. I never do anything. Once I treated her right for four days, and that has been it. I dont understand why I cant do these things, they are so simple. All I need to do is care for and about her, and everything else falls into line. But I cannot seem to be able to do it. She is almost at the end of her rope. I am convinced that if she could support herself, or found someone else, she would leave me. that is the only thing keeping her here. I dont want to lose her. She is my baby, and I love her so much. How do I fix this? I dont know what to do.
hunkahunkaburninlove Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 Get into individual counseling right away. It would be all well and good to give you advice. But you need someone to hold you accountable for the changes you need to make. And you won't be able to do that on a relationship forum.
Geishawhelk Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 I concur with hhbl.... You have to get to the bottom of this and if you are serious, you'd better do it soon, show willing and tell her you have decided to seek help. I would say your best port of call is to go to your doctor and explain your issues and ask him to refer you to a qualified psychoanalyst, who will have the necessary tools and qualifications to be able to steer you towards recognising the source or origin of your behaviour, and help you effectively deal with it.
whichwayisup Posted February 1, 2009 Posted February 1, 2009 My suggestion to you is, get some counselling so you can figure how why you're holding back and why you're behaving this way.
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