MeaganRaye Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 Do you make your children who are 18+ pay household bills, like the light, gas, water bill? Do you think this teaches responsibility or makes it hard for them to move out and become independent?
anne1707 Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 Why would learning financial responsibility make it harder for them to move out and become independent? (And yes, I think if they are earning, they should contribute)
jerbear Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 Yes, my parents did that with me even while I was getting an allowance. I think it is a good idea to learn REALITY that there are bills to pay and to expect different amounts. It also teaches budgeting concepts that honestly most people don't learn till college and even if they are business majors.
Author MeaganRaye Posted January 31, 2009 Author Posted January 31, 2009 No, I'm asking you if it would make it harder for them to become independent IMO, it can, if you are paying your parents bills, it becomes challenging to have enough left over to move out. You are pretty much paying to live at home
carhill Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 Wish I would've had kids to do that to. Worked fabulously with me. I never left Well, not really, just until 25 when I bought my first house. Paid rent (IIRC 100 bucks a month, back in the 70's), did the yard and washed the cars. Favorite saying was "when did you first learn you'd have to work the rest of your life?" Umm, that would be age 11.... Make them buy their car too. Builds character and keeps them from having "freecarairbagitis"
jerbear Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 No, I'm asking you if it would make it harder for them to become independent IMO, it can, if you are paying your parents bills, it becomes challenging to have enough left over to move out. You are pretty much paying to live at home It did not make it harder for me. In fact it helped me budget and transition to become independent. Instead of a estimated expenditure, I had real actual numbers for a budget. My parents actually saved the money for me and gave it back. It worked for me and may not work for others.
anne1707 Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 But you have to learn that when you move out there are bills to pay. Your money cannot be spent on clothes, nights out, holidays, etc. You need to pay for food, rent, electricity, water, etc. It's not about "paying your parents' bills" - it's about contributing to the costs they are incurring with you living at home. Simple responsibility and accepting that life is not a free ride.
bentnotbroken Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 My older one pays for insurance(health and car)and he still does chores. Since he is still in school and doesn't have a high paying job, I am happy that he takes care of our vehicles and other things.
quankanne Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 while it's a great way to learn independence for yourself, it's a whole other story if your parents (or the people you're living with) expect YOU to carry THEM ... because as OP points out, there's no way to save up to get the hell out of the bad situation they're creating.
ColorCube Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 When I turned 18 many, many years ago I was asked to pay rent. I paid rent for a month or two then moved out on my own, been out since I was 18.
Eve Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 Do you make your children who are 18+ pay household bills, like the light, gas, water bill? Do you think this teaches responsibility or makes it hard for them to move out and become independent? I think that it is a fine balance and the young person should contribute to the household but not necessarily financially. We expect our older children to pay board but it is set at a very low amount. Things they do around the house count for more. The idea of their paying board was to get them into the action of looking after home before spending on anything else. We think that this is the most important lesson. I supppose Hubby and I see that it is our responsibility to provide a home for our children. Any lessons they are to learn about bills etc will come soon enough. They are not callous people and understand that running a home is an expensive affair. If they stay at home for longer than 21 we may revise the current plan .. Eldest boy pays for his own car and went against our wishes of buying things on credit. He has maintained all of his payments though, so fair enough. We decided to not buy him a car because he was being quite wasteful with his money. He waited for a long time thinking that we would change our minds, but we didnt. So yes, helping out is what matters but I dont think that Parents should be taking money away from their children for the sheer hell of it, or that the contributions have to be based on the real cost of running the family home. How on earth would they ever afford to move out? Regards, Eve
TwinkletOes26 Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 I think it hampers the ability for them to move out and start a life i mean isnt that the ultimate goal. People are not dumb everyone know when you live somewhere there are bills to pay and teaching kids to budget money should have been taught BEFORE they get to college. Im a college grad and i have not one credit card and the only thing i owe are on student loans. My mother doesnt ask me to pay rent but i do contribute in other ways by cleaning and cooking. I sell avon until i can find work to me if your kid is TRYING to become independent would it kill ya not to charge rent if you see they are saving cut them a break. They have the rest of their lives to pay bills. I mean they should pay for things they use (cell bill,car insurance ect ect ect) one thing i always wondered how are they gonna pay for a car when you need a car to get to work? I mean easy if you live in a place with a bus system but what if you dont? I live in a small town with no bus system. The nearest city is 45 min away driving distance and you have to drive throught the woods to get to it. Id walk but a small woman walking alone in the woods NOT GOOD..... Anyways depends on the parent and the kid....to me if i see my kid is trying and not lazying around id cut them a break. Now if i see they plan on staying until they get married then charge rent but if they are staying trying to fly the coup why make it hard. Again EVERYONE even little kids know that you have to pay bills when you get out on your own and if you taught your kids to budget EARLY in life not when they are 20 something then they should have no problem. Im in my 20s and handle money better than my mama why? I learned from her mistakes.
Squirtal Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 I paid rent to my mum as soon as I started working...when I was on a low paid job I paid £20 a week and then it increased to £250 a month when i was on more. I don't have kids yet, but I would when I do..it teaches them to be more responsible. <Aside to Eve> love your avatar..Dungeon master..love that cartoon..shame they never finished it..and that when i got the DVDs I had series 3 twice.
2sure Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 Whether or not they should pay "rent" to live at home, depends on the child. If they are responsible, and saving money for school or to move out - then if I would help them save by not charging rent. On the other hand, if the child has no real plans and is just living at home because it is free, then certainly a dose of reality in the form of rent and a budget is in order. If an adult child is living at home, not going to school and/or spending earnings instead of saving...rent.
Els Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 From the viewpoint of the 18+ year old who hasn't graduated yet... I think it depends on the approach that you take with your 18+ year old, IMO. Some of them still have parent-child relationships, like my parents and I -- they pay everything for me, but I'm expected to basically toe the line and do everything they decide for me as well. If they decide my curfew's at 8pm, well, too bad for me, I'll just have to suck it up and deal with it til I manage to move out. And that's a true example. However, if you're treating your 18+ yr old as an adult by expecting them to contribute significantly to household expenses, then that'd probably carry over to other aspects of their life as well. If I was already paying for my own room, gas, car, food, etc while staying with them, then I'm damn well coming back in my car at whatever time I choose, keeping my room private and basically making all the decisions for me... just like I would be if I was paying room, gas, car, and food to a landlord.
carhill Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 If I was already paying for my own room, gas, car, food, etc while staying with them, then I'm damn well coming back in my car at whatever time I choose, keeping my room private and basically making all the decisions for me... just like I would be if I was paying room, gas, car, and food to a landlord. Sounds good. Go with that. It builds character, as well as a sense of responsibility
Ronni_W Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 if you are paying your parents bills, it becomes challenging to have enough left over to move out. You are pretty much paying to live at home At the same time, what is inappropriate about "paying to live" no matter where one is living? When I started working, I paid "room and board" according to my income (so, to begin with, my small part-time job amounted to hardly anything.) It was not paying my "parents' bills" but my financial contribution towards MY OWN upkeep. It is a step towards independence and adult responsibility. I do agree with 2sure -- if an 18+ year old is acting as if entitled to being cared for and looked after like a 12-year old, then it is time for the parents to do some parenting.
Els Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 @carhill: In my case, I don't have much of a choice... unlike USA, it's really impossible to support oneself on a part-time income here. Classes are 9-5, exams are very demanding and even if I worked til 10pm and then studied to 2am everyday, I'd only earn 20 bucks a day. That just barely covers food and transport unfortunately. I would choose my 2nd choice as soon as it's possible though.
TwinkletOes26 Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 Im just saying why not help your kid out if they are TRYING. Why make things harder on them? Cut your kid a break...everyone needs a break. I mean if they are trying and helping out at the house(helping to clean up being respectful of the house) then why charge rent unless they are laying around on their behinds not doing anything. I am looking for work so i can pay for my grad courses. Should my mother charge me rent when each course is 500 dollars. Im not gonna spend my money on clothes,beer anything but courses and essentials(gas and food). Am i not being responsible? I graduated from college, got my bs,looking for work,and when i find it im gonna put money towards getting my own car a USED one and paying for grad courses. What im saying is most of the time when your kid is 18+ living with you its not that they arent trying hard enough. They simply dont have the means to be on their own yet. It takes TWO incomes now to live TWO thats why when people get apt they need roomies most times. When people buy a house they usually need TWO incomes and to throw into play that i get paid less than a man bc i am a woman and bc im black(look up the pay gap between men,women and minorities). So you want to talk about real life ...real life sucks. Everyone needs help everyone needs someone to open a door for them. Whether it be employers or your parents. If your kid is being a lazy butt not doing anything then yes charge him,but please have mercy on your child and let them save up to get out. Would you charge your kid rent if they had to move in with you bc their husband left them with your grandkids?? Thsi is what happened to my mom my dad decided to bail and be a dead beat she couldnt afford apt rent and she taught school so we lived with my grandma until she could move out. Sorry for being long winded but im trying to show another side
carhill Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 IDK. I did quite well on one income until I got married in my 40's. College dropout business owner. Paid rent to parents. Started working at 11. Worked through high school and college. Young people have a lot of energy Dad matched every dollar I saved from working. Had a heckuva down payment for my first house. Never have rented anything, but have been and am a landlord. Well, I guess I did rent that nice bedroom at mom and dads FWIW, college back then cost about 500.00 per semester with books (engineering books were expensive) and I earned 1.90 an hour (minimum wage). I paid for college myself with my summer job, which paid 10.00 an hour (high for that era). I still mow my mom's lawn and trim her shrubs while all the neighbors have gardeners Interesting how life works. When did you know that you were going to have to work the rest of your life?
lovestory5 Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 I think that children should pay bills for water, gas and so on. I think that parents should love and it will mean that if you don't pay, go away, we don't want to live with you. They should earn their own money at this age but only for the parties, fashionable clothes which parents can't allow to but.
TwinkletOes26 Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 carhill i always knew that when you became an adult youd have to work to make money LOL. I think children grasp the idea of work at a young age. all im saying is if your kid truly cant afford to OR they are trying to save up to move out why not only make them pay for things like their share of the telephone bill(cell or land line)not make them pay rent i mean again if they are TRYING to do something then why not give them a break whats the harm? They already know they have to work so what is there to accomplish by charging rent? It will only hinder them moving out bc the money they could be saving to move out they are paying to their parents jmo . now if your kid is sitting around doing nothing then yes charge them. I wish my grandma would charge my lazy behind aunt make her 40 something behind get out and do something.
clv0116 Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 I always paid rent, even though my parents never asked me to; it just seems like the fair thing to do.
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