mementos Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 and I don't want to...... My boyfriend of 5 years passed away about a year and a half ago in a car accident. I still think about him every day, multiple multiple times. I loved him so much, we were so in love. He was everything I ever wanted in another person. We were engaged. I was in his arms one night and then the next he was gone just like that. I've cried every single day because I just miss him so much. The littlest things set me off and I just cry and cry. It's gotten to the point where I don't feel like seeing my friends or family anymore because I just want to cut myself off. When I'm around them, or anyone for that matter I feel like I have to put on an act like I'm perfectly fine. Lately, I just go to work and come home and cry. My friends tried to set me up not too long ago and he was a really nice guy, but I felt completely disgusted with myself the whole time. I felt like I was cheating. I just can't seem to accept that he's gone. I can't move on. I want him back so bad that it hurts. I'm in counseling but it's not helping. I'm definitely not suicidal and would never think about taking my own life but I just feel so completely depressed. I've tried to keep busy and active so I'm not wallowing in my sadness but it hurts even more to realize that I'm somewhere and he's not there with me. I loved/love him so much, I can't let go. I feel like I'm never going to be happy again. I know that it takes time but at this point in my life, I feel like I will always feel like this. I don't want to just forget him. I dream about him almost every night and I wake up with this hollow/empty feeling in the morning when I realize it was just a dream. I miss him so much. If you have someone special in your life, appreciate and love them every moment. If anyone can offer any advice, I'd really appreciate it.
wuggle Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 I'm sorry for your loss, I feel for you. I can't imagine how this feels so please take my words as well meant even if they are of little use. I believe that one of the things that define a person's life is how they are remembered by those close to them, what they gave to others, lessons they helped them learn etc, so DONT ever forget him, keep his memory alive, that way a piece of him lives on. I'm sure that he loved you as much and as such he would only have wanted the very best for you, I doubt he would want you not to enjoy the rest of your life and this will probably mean loving someone else. I'm sure he would want this, I know I would. Please don't think of any other relationship you may have as cheating, I'm sure that would not be what he would want. When you're ready, and someone else special comes along, accept them for themselves, they are not competing with or trying to replace your lost man, and loving them is not any sort of betrayal, quite the opposite, but they may be able to be someone special too. Try to enjoy the rest of your life, that will be as much of a testament to him any other. Take care.
Cdubb Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 I am so sorry for you what you are going through. I have heard so many people say that when some you are madly in love with breaks up with you, as has recently happened to me after five years, that it would almost be easier to deal with if they had died instead. You would at least know that they still loved you up until the end. Obviously, you are living proof that it is not easier. You do not need to forget about him, ever. Keep his memory alive in your heart and cherish the time you had together.....in love. He would want you to be completely happy. You do not need to try to replace him because you can't. But you can look for the qualities that you loved about him in someone else. Have you checked out any support groups or anything like that? Know that the first year is the hardest for anyone going through this. I year full of firsts. Hang in there.
Ramrod Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 I have suffered a similar loss. I met a woman who came into my life like an angel sent from heaven. We fit together hand in glove. I never placed any stock into the expression soul mate until I met her. After just a few months of courtship I was ready to propose to her. She was a devout catholic and had always insisted she would never remarry. I was convinced I would never find a woman who I would ever want to marry. I not only wanted to marry her, but I wanted to believe in a spiritual afterlife where we could live together forever until eternity. We were madly in love. She left out-of-state to visit her family. I wanted to accompany her, but could not receive any time off of work. I felt it was an ideal time to propose to her. I believe she would have accepted the ring, and even agreed to wed me someday because shortly before she left, she revealed her deep love for me. During this trip she died in an automobile accident. It's been fourteen years now and not a single day passes where I don't think of her, or that I don't stare up into the night sky and speak to her. I don't believe I will ever forget her, or that my heart will ever be empty of love for her. But, slowly, over time, I began to live again and love again. Part of me resisted, because it felt like I was betraying my love for her. But, I just kept putting one foot in front of the other and living my life as best I could until finally I arrived at a place where I can look back and remember the quiet pleasurable moments we used to share together without being crippled with guilt for not being there with her, saddness at her loss and anger with the God who took her from me. Your not ever going to forget him. But you will heal well enough to honor his memory and his love for you by finding yourself some measure of happiness in this world. Every new day you learn to cope a little better than the last. You will be stronger tomorrow than you were today.
alwayssme Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 Awww mama, I'm soooo sorry to hear about your loss. I didn't have my ex die but he did walk out of my life and it's very very hard....I feel for you and I don't really know what advice to give (sorry) but just wanted to tell you that we're here whenever you feel like venting or just simply expressing how you feel. Hugs:love:
Surfer Girl Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 You just don't know when the one you love will suddenly be gone... Take comfort in knowing they knew you loved them... The memories will never be forgotten... You can't get them back.... But you are still alive....and your life is to be lived... as you know life can be short... so be thankful for life and don't second guess yourself...
a_f_w Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 This kind of thing is utterly tragic. It's perhaps the strongest argument for not getting attached to impermanent joys - that is, anything or anyone.
wuggle Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 It's perhaps the strongest argument for not getting attached to impermanent joys - that is, anything or anyone. Totally disagree, IMO it is perhaps the strongest argument for getting attached to them, loving them, enjoying them etc, to not do is to deny life. A life without love is wasted. OP, keep loving , no matter how painful.
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