Star Gazer Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 Plus I just don't know if I can break up with him now, I'm not ready. You're not ready to find someone who can and will meet your needs? Or you're not ready to leave someone who cannot and will not EVER meet your needs for the rest of your life?
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 So if you took all the furniture out, what is left that makes it an office?
Author Lauriebell82 Posted January 30, 2009 Author Posted January 30, 2009 LIE. What about all that extra cash you have saved? Stop making excuses. If you want to stay with a jerk, then just stay. But stop making excuses. No, what I'm saying is that I don't have enough money to pay him monthly rent here AND pay for my own apartment. Yes, I have savings, but I would rip through it like crazy.
MindoverMatter Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 Good. If you're not ready, then don't do it. You've come a long way to be this independent. I am sure you will do what is best for you once you are ready. Continue to look out for yourself. Don't let him drag you into drama and fights. Grow. I think it will be better for you in the long run, to do it when you are ready, then rush things and be left stranded in your own emotions.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 You're not ready to find someone who can and will meet your needs? Or you're not ready to leave someone who cannot and will not EVER meet your needs for the rest of your life? Denial is not a river in Egypt!
Star Gazer Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 No, what I'm saying is that I don't have enough money to pay him monthly rent here AND pay for my own apartment. Yes, I have savings, but I would rip through it like crazy. F**k, LB. That's what a savings is for - situations like this. Yet ANOTHER excuse! This is DOORMAT behavior, all over again. Yeah the other room is an office. That's why I'm saying he wouldn't be able to get a roommate. EXCUSES! He'd convert it BACK into a bedroom, for crying out loud! That's what I did! That's what anyone would do... *facepalms*
alphamale Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 Okay but then I won't be able to pay for my own apartment. so? you stay at your parents crib
Author Lauriebell82 Posted January 30, 2009 Author Posted January 30, 2009 so? you stay at your parents crib No, that would be AWEFUL!!! Never in a million years, unless it was short term like a week or something.
Star Gazer Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 You've come a long way to be this independent. Pffffft. What independence? She lost it all in the matter of 20 posts. I'm out.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 I have a feeling that nothing is going to change here.
carhill Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 My name is on the lease though. I don't think I can get another lease if I'm already locked into one. And yeah my parents would take me in a heartbeat, but he will be screwed also because I don't know if he can afford to live here by himself. I love him, I don't want to leave him high and dry. Get a copy of your lease agreement and read it thoroughly. Contracts are modifiable by agreement of the parties. Imagine you were married Say, for the sake of argument, you don't have "the talk" until the end of April. Is he going to be better able to afford to live there alone then? What difference will it make?
Author Lauriebell82 Posted January 30, 2009 Author Posted January 30, 2009 I'm sorry guys, thanks for the advice I have some thinking to do. You all are right by the way, I just need to do some thinking.
Star Gazer Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 I have a feeling that nothing is going to change here. Agreed. Good luck, LB.
serialgf Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 Whether he'd personally prefer to watch the game at home or at her parents house isn't the issue. First of all, if he stays home, HE won't even be watching football as he'll be playing with his figurines instead. Secondly, and more importantly, HE MADE PLANS WITH HER, and is now DROPPING HER and calling her "nagging" because she's asking him to keep his word. You may be a "laid back doormat," SGF, but LB most certainly is not. okay first of all HUN, calling me a doormat is completely INAPPROPRIATE and unnecessarily INSULTING and you will be reported for that. i'm a fun girl. i'd rather go out with my boyfriend and party than nag him about why he's staying out late... please don't insult me. you don't know me AT ALL and you have no idea what i'm like. i am simply offering a different point of view i haven't said or done anything to deserve that. i am respectful to others on here and expect the same in return - thank you secondly, why shouldn't his personal preference for watching the game be taken into account? are you saying that his feelings are worth less than hers? and from what she wrote in the last thread (the vegas one that turned into superbowl discussion) i thought i remembered her saying that he would watch the game AND play with the orks... i agree that he made plans with her and i don't deny that its crappy to back out of them... i stated that a couple of times in my response... i just think you have to learn to choose your battles in a relationship and if watching the game is more important to him than it is to her maybe she could change her plans and stay in with him and put up with his geek friend and his orks... its called compromise and i don't think it makes me a doormat thank you very much... that said, what i am suggesting is merely that, a suggestion... i don't pretend to know lb's boyfriend or herself or their relationship any more than anyone else on here
serialgf Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 That WAS the plan, but his friend called, and now they're going to play with figurines at home. So he blew her and their prior plans off in favor of playing with toys with his friend. i guess i'm confused in that i thought the friend was coming to watch the super bowl AND play with the dolls.... all i'm saying is that maybe to him watching the game at her parents' house wasn't fun enough...
MindoverMatter Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 What independence? She lost it all in the matter of 20 posts. I know it sounds as if she was back pedalling (sp?), but look at how she used to behave before. She would have defended the relationship and the boyfriend. Claim that everything was lovey dovey except for the current issue. Claiming that he is the one she wants to spend her life with. Having virtually no life besides the bf. Now: trips planned without him. Clothes bought that he doesn't like, but she will wear 'em anyway ( *yay* for her! ), planning to move out when the lease ends. She views the entire relationship differently. Her tone has changed. They've been together for 2 years. Breaking up isn't easy. She has come a long way. I believe in her.
Treasa Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 Awww, poor wittow guy. Maybe LB gets invited to HIS parents' house for dinner (how much fun is THAT?! NOT MUCH!) She THEN gets an invitation from a girlfriend for a MUCH more fun event, so she tells him, "Well, honey, it's sooo much more fun for me, me, me, so tell your parents I'm not going to be there." Nice, eh? I totally and completely agree. There's a difference between being laid back and letting someone do whatever they want, even if it includes switching their mind at the last moment and bailing out on someone they already had a prior engagement with. Sorry, but that's crap. LB, tell him to have fun with his friend, and then go to your parents' house and stay there for a couple of days. Meaning, go back to your apartment on Tuesday night. When you return, make sure you're calm. Tell him the truth - you're thinking about moving out and ending the relationship.
ColorCube Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 Is there any particular reason that the posters in this thread are trying to get the OP to turn her life upside down and leave her BF instead of helping her through this superbowl issue? I doubt any of you would be doing that if you were in her shoes WTF?
serialgf Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 So, in your mind, compromise is LB ALWAYS letting him do whatever the hell he wants, regardless if they already had plans or not? Wow. I'm sorry, but I have to agree with SG in her assessment if that's the case. dude seriously why do you guys have to put everything so black and white? i did not say that compromise is LB always letting him do whatever the hell he wants - if i did can you please quote exactly where i said that?? i'm trying to offer a different perspective than everyone's advice of, "oh my god how could he back out of going to your parent's - DUMP HIM!" so i offered what i thought was an appropriate way of compromising, which to me is that you weight out how much the situation is worth to you and if its worth more to your SO than it is to you then you try to appease them a little... meaning that if it wasn't a big deal to her where she watched the superbowl, then why not just stay in with him. on the other hand, if its more important to her to go to her parents' then do that. i don't believe in forcing someone to do what you want them to do.... is that what you're suggesting? that she make him go to her parents'? if not, what do you suggest? breaking up with him over it i do agree that plans are important, but in to me it just depends what the plans are... and i think you guys judging my personality and relationship style is really inappropriate in this thread...
Star Gazer Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 okay first of all HUN, calling me a doormat is completely INAPPROPRIATE and unnecessarily INSULTING and you will be reported for that. you don't know me AT ALL and you have no idea what i'm like. i am simply offering a different point of view i haven't said or done anything to deserve that. i am respectful to others on here and expect the same in return - thank you I'm not insulting you, I'm describing your behavior. To tolerate LB's BF's behavior, one would HAVE to be a doormat. Period. And you yourself described yourself as "laid-back," so I merely put two-and-two together. I've also read all of your threads, and believe you allow yourself to be disrespected by the men you date. secondly, why shouldn't his personal preference for watching the game be taken into account? are you saying that his feelings are worth less than hers? Of course not, but when he makes a commitment - albeit only one related to SuperBowl plans - he needs to KEEP that commitment, particularly when that commitment is to his live-in GIRLFRIEND. He can't make plans with her and then blow her off when "something better" comes along. Do you accept that sort of behavior? I sure hope not, otherwise my "doormat" label still stands. i just think you have to learn to choose your battles in a relationship And I agree, however, LB's relationship is one big neverending battle. This is literally just the last straw.
Star Gazer Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 I know it sounds as if she was back pedalling (sp?), but look at how she used to behave before. She would have defended the relationship and the boyfriend. Claim that everything was lovey dovey except for the current issue. Claiming that he is the one she wants to spend her life with. Having virtually no life besides the bf. I guarantee LB's update will be as follows: "So, I have a great talk with my BF. I agreed to compromise. I'm going to go to my mom's house as I planned, and he's going to stay at my apartment with his friend and play orks. This will allow us each to do what we want to do. I need to stop caring so much when he blows me off and doesn't keep his commitments. That's my fault. But I sure hope he doesn't trash the place. But in all we really had a great talk, and everything's great again. Thanks for all your advice!"
serialgf Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 wow star gazer you are soooo presumptuous.. we should compare relationships sometime and see who's been more successful... but that's way off topic have a great weekend everyone! I'm not insulting you, I'm describing your behavior. To tolerate LB's BF's behavior, one would HAVE to be a doormat. Period. And you yourself described yourself as "laid-back," so I merely put two-and-two together. I've also read all of your threads, and believe you allow yourself to be disrespected by the men you date. Of course not, but when he makes a commitment - albeit only one related to SuperBowl plans - he needs to KEEP that commitment, particularly when that commitment is to his live-in GIRLFRIEND. He can't make plans with her and then blow her off when "something better" comes along. Do you accept that sort of behavior? I sure hope not, otherwise my "doormat" label still stands. And I agree, however, LB's relationship is one big neverending battle. This is literally just the last straw.
Stockalone Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 My name is on the lease. Plus I can't just leave him high and dry. Plus I want to give the relationship at least a few more months to see what happens. I love him I don't want to move out. We DO get along despite some random fights so it's not like it's total hell living here. If it was total hell I would just up and leave. I'm giving him like 3 months to show some kind of signs that he is getting more serious. If not, I'm getting my own apartment. Have you told him how dissapointed/fed up you are with the status quo? If he is being told what is at stake, then he can make changes. Being on trial without knowing it seems a bit unfair. Not that your bf didn't have enough chances to learn from his past mistakes (which unfortunately, he keeps repeating). But still, if he is on trial, I think he needs to know that. Otherwise, he can only fail because he won't question what he does. He will just keep doing what he is doing now. Staying with your parents is a good idea. Knowing how to pick your battles also includes to decide when you want to fight them. Unless your bf forces the issue and wants to talk, there is no reason why this can't wait until after the Superbowl. Go to your parents, enjoy the Superbowl and clear your head a bit while you are there You know what you want and that gives you the opportunity to run the show if you are prepared to stick to your guns. Use that advantage and deal with your bf on the battlefield and time of your choosing.
torranceshipman Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 I used to turn down a date with an undesirable man by uttering the tired but favorite knockback line of: 'sorry I'm washing my hair tonight.' However that is nowhere NEAR as good as LB's guys' line: 'sorry, I am staying in to get drunk and play with my orks tonight.' LOL!!! I dont like the guy at ALL!-but I salute that excuse as the funniest of all time and it had me laughing my pants off when I read it!!!
carhill Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 OP, I know there's a whole bunch of "piling on" here (no Super Bowl pun intended ) but I can tell you there is no good way or perfect time to deliver painful news. God, I wish there was. Take your time, think it through away from here and do what is best for you. It sounds like you have some good parents. Use that asset Just remember we're all rooting for you (I hope)
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