whichwayisup Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 The OW is MARRIED and isn't a victim..She WILLINGLY had this affair and betrayed her OWN husband.. This OW owes her HUSBAND respect.
LakesideDream Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 The OW is MARRIED and isn't a victim..She WILLINGLY had this affair and betrayed her OWN husband.. This OW owes her HUSBAND respect. So So True wwiu ! Even if the OW "snapped" she is responsible for her actions. "Snappage" is not an excuse for bad behavior. The Victims here are the OP's wife and his lovers husband. The OP and his MW walked their destructive paths for years. The fact that the OP changed the game is hardly relevant. But... all that being said, we all are in a period of "CHANGE". More and more people are expecting "bail outs" in all things. It's no suprise the OP wants to be bailed out of his responsibility for creating this mess.
addicted2love Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 I actually agree with all of you. OW should own her part in the A. I also agree that she isn't the victim. I'm just tired of MM getting away with treating everyone like crap, throwing OW under the bus in order to get back into the W's good graces and never having to own up to all of the lies he told that brought him there. He said they were friends for 2 years and had a 9 month long A. He knew she was invested emotionally. He made sure of that so he could get what he wanted from her. Then when he was done with her he cut her off cold and wouldn't give her the time of day. When she wanted answers he wouldn't give them to her. It's called MANIPULATION. Giving someone the silent treatment is EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE. Now he can lie to his wife some more and blame OW because "she's just nuts". It takes a good amount of focus and blame off of himself. I agree that OW should walk away with her dignity. She should not look back or ever make contact again. Also she should focus on making things right with her H. However abusive people have the ability to push others to the breaking point. They also know when others are vulnerable and they take advantage of that to get what they want. Then they spin the truth in their favor so they don't suffer the consequences of their actions. I've been reading this board for three years now and I'm tired of seeing OW get slaughtered on here while MM gets a slap on the wrist for his bad behavior.
signedin2008 Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 Here is my question.....what are YOU willing to do and have been doing to help your wife heal?
Heroic Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 Get your wife a gun and a CCW permit, some classes in how to use it and a restraining order against the OW. Oh and get a lawyer on retainer. I would recomend a Lady Smith chambered in .38 spcl
pelicanpreacher Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 Hmmmmm! I'll bet you were as pert as a rutting buck while schmoozing your OW, were'nt you? You were a strolling "Cock-a-Doodle-DO" when your promises got her to drop her panties, am I right? You willingly plied her with reams and reams of promises and professions of love to oil your soily way into her heart without any conscience, remorse, or delusions of morality, right again aren't I? Who knows if she would have ever sucumbed to the wiles of your wit if her guard wasn't down while you used and abused your friendship with her to manipulate your lustfull agenda, hmmm? Now you hide behind your wife's skirt tails and call the police when your attempts at controlling her falls short of the mark?!! You are certainly a "Man of the Millenium" for you are well in touch with your "feeeeeeeeeeeeeeelings", aren't you? You knew darn well which of her emotions to push and, because you thought you could get away with it, you slapped and stomped at the control buttons like a monkey in a crack experiment for no other reason than because you could and it felt good to ya, didn't it? Now that it's time for you to get your azz spanked red in time to "moon the baboons" you see a problem with her behavior? If you were a man to "MAN UP" instead of a momma's boy to "TEAT UP" you'd have marched your azz up to the door of OW's husband, opened up and disclosed all, stuck out your chin cheesing grill to expose all, and braced yourself for a new experience in orthodontics! Being a betting man, I'd bet on the latter for it's safer on your pursing lips behind "them thar hills", isn't it?!!! (Oh, and BTW, you'll never get away with admonishing me not to admonish you to let you run your game and run the show, believe that! I sell it like I bought it and call'm like I see'm so, if you don't like it, lump it, put it in your truck and dump it! ... Mistake my azz!)
taylor Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 After a 9 month affair / 2 year friendship I ended the relationship cold a month ago. Why did the physical affair end? How did it end? You continued an emotional affair with her for 2 more years. Did you really decide to end it or did it end because your wife found out about it? For most of the 2 year friendship I kept engaging the person because she was always threatening to tell my wife. Did it ever occur to you to come clean and tell your wife the truth during that 2 year period? What did you and the OW talk about during this 2 year period while you were "engaging" her? Perhaps I'm being too skeptical here, but it's hard to believe a woman would blackmail a man for two years just to have a "friendship" with him. I don't see where she would find any satisfaction in that at all. And it's hard for me to believe a man would continue engaging in a relationship with a woman he had no interest in at all, just because she was twisting his arm (she made me do it...). The email to my wife was innocent enough but I never trusted that person again What did the OW tell your wife in the e-mail? I would think 2 years of blackmailing would have convinced you she was not a trustworthy kind of person. Or are you saying you trusted her until she decided to shed light on the secret little affair you were having with her? She broke the rules of the affair didn't she? she was pure evil. What made you decide to have an affair with a person like this? she said she was working at her marriage and that was fine by me. From about last June I started to pull away and again the threats started - this time even more aggressive. About three months ago I had accidently left an email on my phone and my wife saw. She knew the person and immediately knew what was happening. I stopped contacting the person permanently from that moment. Why did you start pulling away? Because she was working on her marriage? Because you were working on yours? Because your wife was suspicious? So you stopped the emotional affair when your wife saw your e-mail to the OW. You got busted, right? She threatened to come to my house with letters and stuff to show my wife. By this time my wife knew everything and we were writing her back. We said "come on down" and logged a case with the local police. Long story short, she did not make it, sent an email saying she could not go through with it and promised to leave me alone forever. Perhaps she wanted your wife to know how deeply involved you were in an affair with her..perhaps she didn't want you to get away with "smoothing over" or "minimalizing" the affair. What did the OW have to gain by showing the letters and stuff to your wife? The affair was already busted and you and she were already working on your marriages. TWO weeks went by (or TWO WEEKS AGO) I get an email saying she misses me and us. I ignore it. Of course she misses you and what the two of you had for almost 3 years. Feelings don't just disappear once an affair is busted. They linger on for a long, long time. MY QUESTION.. she claims she wants closure. My wife, me and my theapist all BALK at this claim. She is using that to control me and to get me to meet her. IMO, you made matters worse by going cold and ignoring her last request for closure. Alot of dumpees seek closure after a relationship break up, especially if things end abruptly. It creates alot of emotional confusion and pain. Most find it on their own months later. Others, like your OW, go the desperate route, wanting and demanding answers in order to make sense of all that just happened...the whys and why nots. I made a promise to my wife that I would not contact her again This was a good decision. But it makes me wonder what promises you made to the OW. Her behavior makes me think you led her on quite a bit. She claimed she loves her husband in one email and then again says she needs closure to move on. This makes sense to me...trying to make sense of the end in order to move on to a new beginning. What do you all think? Does she deserve closure? Do you belive in closure? It's not a question of whether she DESERVED closure. It's a question of whether or not a closure talk with her would have prevented her from going the desperate route to get answers from you. The end of any relationship causes emotional turmoil. The one who suffers the most is the one most emotionally invested and the one who gets dumped. The emotional turmoil at the end of an affair is magnified by the intensity of the affair itself. And that turmoil can make normally sane people do some pretty "crazy" things. IMO, you should have come clean with your wife when the 9 month PA ended instead of engaging in another 2 year emotional affair for whatever reason. It would have been easier on your wife and on the OW...and you. The OW will find her own closure as she deals with the emotional pain and grief from the loss of the affair. You owe her nothing and she owes you nothing.
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