girlwithbigearrings Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 Ok, so I have been seeing this guy for about a month now..I really like him and we're good together, although there might be one deal breaker for me.. ..we get to bed and we're making out and stuff, it's all hot and the only thing left to do is to get the deed done if you know what i mean and i would have to stop myself.. why?.. well, back to the second week we started seeing each other, same situation we're in bed, im telling him 'i want you' another way of saying i wanted to do it with him and he shakes his head...so i stopped turn around disappointed and i ask him, he says 'it just feels rushed' or something along those line..in my head i feel like im the guy and he's the girl feeling pressured to have sex??? so everytime we're in bed kissing and stuff i stop myself before we get any further... i really adore this guy and it's not that i only want sex but when you like and care for someone quite a bit only thing left to do to show them how much you like them is to make love dont you think..haha might sound silly.. Am i overreacting, it's been a month is that too soon for some people, or what's this guy's deal..sometimes i kind of think maybe he's just not that into me...cuz then i think any guy, any kind of given situation would jump on it if the girl wants it so what's wrong with him, he's not gay im positive. but WHAT DO YOU THINK????
unacceptable62 Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 Me and my current girlfriend started having sex within a month of dating. I really wish that I could go back and wait. The extra burden of sex put a great deal of strain on our relationship early on. That could have all been avoided without having sex for a while. It is entirely up to the both of you to decide. I recommend that you talk to him about it. Maybe just go through oral/mutual masturbation and take it slow. There is nothing wrong with wanting to wait. It makes the first time even more special and it will solidify your feelings for each other.
sid3 Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 Umm, yeah. Since when is just having oral mean your waiting to add intimacy to a relationship. That's crazy. Although it's not surprising as recent surveys indicate the younger generation doesn't consider oral activities as having sex. People are way too different to generalise, so the previous suggestion may not work for your guy OP. Often the first opportunity is passed up on, it shows to some degree a willingness to wait, and although I may be mistaken, it to comes across as respectful.Waiting does make the tension build, waiting too long, then something about it doesn't feel right. IMO After a month of dating and a second 'offer' I believe the majority of emotionally healthy males would choose to accept what your offering. E.D, small penis, being a minute man and such are also some other possibiltities. I think you can rule out his not being physically attractive to you enough, otherwise he wouldn't be in bed kissing on you. Maybe he is making you wait as he's convinced it'll have you thinking he's a better lover when it finally does happen. Performance anxiety? Bible thumper? Didn't have his Viagra/Cialis with him......Just too many possibilities to say for sure. I agree with you though. After some time, wanting to express how you feel about the other person sounds healthy to me. Sure there are plenty of other ways to do so, but sex is the surest way to create a stronger emotional connection.
gfto Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 sometimes i kind of think maybe he's just not that into me. Bingo. ..cuz then i think any guy, any kind of given situation would jump on it if the girl wants it Exactly. I've been in this situation before. After about a month of dating, I realized I just wasn't into her and had no desire to get the deed done.
BannaBee57 Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 WHAT DO YOU THINK???? STD. Almost this exact scenario happened to me with a guy who later told me about his genital warts. I was honestly a little relieved to find out the real reason he was holding off.
unacceptable62 Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 Umm, yeah. Since when is just having oral mean your waiting to add intimacy to a relationship. That's crazy. Although it's not surprising as recent surveys indicate the younger generation doesn't consider oral activities as having sex. People are way too different to generalise, so the previous suggestion may not work for your guy OP. You really think that having oral sex is as intimate as sexual intercourse? Lots of people progress into their first sexual experience by having oral sex first.
fishtaco Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 I agree with gfto. I would say that's the case most of the time. In fact, many guys would have sex with the girl anyway just because the girl initiated, even if he's not that into her. It's almost like an obligation. It's really easy for women to get sex. That's why they're always looking for commitment instead, because that's hard to get. Supply and demand. Most likely it's what gfto said, but in rare instances maybe he has a good reason.
Still Trying Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 Bingo. Exactly. I've been in this situation before. After about a month of dating, I realized I just wasn't into her and had no desire to get the deed done. Seriously? I think most guys want to rush into sex, myself included of course. It's good to know if you're physically compatible or not right? And, there's the whole part about how sex feels really really good. I agree about the STD thing rather than him just not being into you, (the OP of course) I've had sex with plenty of girls who I found out later that I was "just not into..." The physical thing was there and in fact I can't think of more than one or two girls that I've ever been with where the sex was flat out BAD. Maybe two. So that track record coupled with the fact that you usually don't get to know someone well enough to know if "you're into them", until AFTER you've slept with them, leads me to believe that there's something else going on here. I mean god forbid this guy actually truly cares for the OP, gasp, and has failed with physical relationships before. Maybe he's trying something different? No one watches Sex in the City? My take is that he's embarrassed about something; could be an STD, could be that he's UNcut, could be that he's small? Maybe he's a virgin or just not comfortable yet. Or maybe he's actually old fashioned? I'm a bad one to ask as I'm an average guy with average needs. I like to get the ****ing out of the way early on. I always think I'm going to force myself to wait but the other brain takes over... lol. There's a phrase I wanted to add, "sex is like pizza, even when it's pretty bad, it's still pretty good..." Sex is just so primal. It takes SOOOO much more to make a real relationship work or else we'd all be happily married. OP, if you really like this dude, give him time and talk about it. Ask him straight up if he has an STD or whatever... seriously.
Still Trying Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 You really think that having oral sex is as intimate as sexual intercourse? Lots of people progress into their first sexual experience by having oral sex first. In a lot of ways oral is more intimate. I mean that's my MOUTH you're talking about! Overall there's nothing more intimate than looking in your partners eyes while you both cum at the same time...
dreamergrl Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 STD. Almost this exact scenario happened to me with a guy who later told me about his genital warts. I was honestly a little relieved to find out the real reason he was holding off. I'm curious though, were you going down on him? It may not be an STD because you can contract them through oral.
Author girlwithbigearrings Posted February 3, 2009 Author Posted February 3, 2009 Thanks for the responses. We've done everything else, all is left is to "home run" if you get my drift. I was also thinking maybe it was a religion thing, but NO, i asked him, he has no religion. I also found out and this may be crucial that he takes prozzak, it's an anti-depressant and well you know what that can do, makes it harder to hold on to a boner or some other sex related complication.. I've also had a conversation with him I remember, early on when I just met him, he said that he's just not a sexual person, BUT I AM. Maybe he's waiting, maybe he's scared or embarrased of something, regardless I think i'm better off moving on, I met this new guy and I really like him and we've been talking and flirting and we're definitely sexually attracted to each other.. I'm playing the odds...
fishtaco Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 Well, mis-matched sex drive is not a good starting point. He already told you he's not a sexual person. If you are, that's one difference you'll have to somehow work out in the future. Generally it's a bad idea to let wishful thinking mess up your decision making. But of course, it's your call, you know yourself the best.
steveraves Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 Thanks for the responses. We've done everything else, all is left is to "home run" if you get my drift. I was also thinking maybe it was a religion thing, but NO, i asked him, he has no religion. I also found out and this may be crucial that he takes prozzak, it's an anti-depressant and well you know what that can do, makes it harder to hold on to a boner or some other sex related complication.. I've also had a conversation with him I remember, early on when I just met him, he said that he's just not a sexual person, BUT I AM. Maybe he's waiting, maybe he's scared or embarrased of something, regardless I think i'm better off moving on, I met this new guy and I really like him and we've been talking and flirting and we're definitely sexually attracted to each other.. I'm playing the odds... Prozac won't affect getting a boner..lol.. what it can do is make having an orgasm incredibly hard (pun intended), and it can also affect the desire to have sex. If you're being intimate with him you'd probably know if he's hard or not.. I don't really think his desire is affected otherwise he'd probably just come up with an excuse to not be intimate. Does he initiate any of the making out? If he does then I'd doubt the prozac is affecting his desire. You've done everything "else" has he had an orgasm? If he has then you can pretty much rule out the prozac. If he hasn't then the prozac could be affecting his ability to have an orgasm, he'd know that by masturbating. That could create stress/pressure for him if he can't cum while having sex, doesn't want to hurt your feelings. So the question that really needs to be answerd is, has he had an orgasm with you? If he hasn't then the prozac may be reason. Maybe you could discuss the issue with him. There are newer anti depressants that may not have the same side effect. If he has had an orgasm with you then look for another reason.
Author girlwithbigearrings Posted February 3, 2009 Author Posted February 3, 2009 He's had orgasms. I guess that rules out the prozzak.
Aku_Shimarisu Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 There is a possibility that he could be a virgin. There are a select few guys in this world that chose to wait...and wait...he may be interested but unsure of where the relationship is going--thus, he's chosen to wait a little longer.
EYECANDY000 Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 Maybe he is really trying to get to know you better before he starts being intimate with you. Would you rather feel unsure about your relationship if all he wanted from you since day one was sex? I say give it anothe month or so. Have you asked him why he doesnt want to be intimate with you?
Author girlwithbigearrings Posted February 3, 2009 Author Posted February 3, 2009 No definitely not a virgin, he's told me stories about past experiences. AND Would you rather feel unsure about your relationship if all he wanted from you since day one was sex? I say give it anothe month or so. Thanks for putting it that way, it's better to think that way..but how long does a girl have to wait?? I doubt any girl has had to wait for a guy for sex, something isn't right.
steveraves Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 but how long does a girl have to wait?? I doubt any girl has had to wait for a guy for sex, something isn't right. How long should a guy have to wait on a girl?? Most guys would have sex right away, but their are guys who prefer to wait for sex. That's his choice, and it doesn't mean something isn't right. It I can ask I'm just curious how old both of you are? It kind of sounds like you're at the juncture where you need to have a talk and discuss the importance of sex to you, and when he thinks he'll be ready for sex, why he hasn't wanted to sex, is he afraid of something ect. If he sticks with the "He's not a sexual person," then it sounds like for you it's time to move on. I don't think you'll get anywhere trying to get him to change his desire. good luck
carhill Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 When you can talk openly with him about intercourse without referring to it as "the deed", "the nasty" and other assorted euphemisms, and not be concerned about "getting the drift" because you and he will be communicating openly and honestly, then it'll be time for his penis to meet your vagina. This includes talking about sexual history and STD's and how you feel about sex. This presumes you are in this for a LTR rather than casual hook-up. Some guys wait; some don't. It's important that your sexual styles be compatible, not necessarily how soon you start sexual activity. First date or months matter not. It's what's shared that matters. What are you sharing with him when you make love with him? Is what you're desiring an expression of love or satisfying a physical need? Neither answer is right or wrong but, if you're not on the same page, you may be incompatible. You did mention "like" and "love" in your OP; realistically, it's only been a month. Unless this is a long-time friend whom you've developed romantic feelings for, he's essentially a stranger. Lust and infatuation might be better descriptions at this point, no?
moman Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 Girl...I see two things here. He's just not into you sexually. This could be a number of reasons. Maybe you turned him off. Maybe he likes you as a person but not as a sex partner. or He is insecure in himself. Maybe he's afraid he'll be a two-pump chump. Maybe he thinks your experience level is much higher and you will be critical. You can fix this by building up his confidence. The first one you cannot fix.
Author girlwithbigearrings Posted February 4, 2009 Author Posted February 4, 2009 I am 21 to answer to steveraves. He is a year younger. Maybe he feels insecured I am more experienced than he is.?!? To respond to carhill, I was using "euphemisms" because this is a public forum and I did not want to say ****ING. but there ya go. and i did not use the word love, i said like and care but did mention 'make love' just a more romantic feel than just saying plain old sex. I am not all about sex, I bring this up because this is my only issue/deal breaker with him otherwise we are good together. And yes I have already decided that we're just not sexually compatible. To moman, I am thinking it's the latter choice you've given. I wish i could talk to him about it, but he's that kinda guy who just tries to brush it off when it's some thing like this comes up to talk about. I've decided not to remunerate on this, and just whatever happens, happens. Thanks guys!!
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