Author Rafa Posted February 1, 2009 Author Share Posted February 1, 2009 ^^^ hey Caliguy, I was just re-reading some of my old threads to remind myself of how much things have changed, and I found this reply from you ages ago.... The funny thing about second chances....they never happen...until you DO NOT want them. ...Boy did that turn out to be true! Link to post Share on other sites
CommitmentPhobe Posted February 1, 2009 Share Posted February 1, 2009 by helping her he is sending a message of hope and knowing there is no help in regards to getting back together, perhaps it is best she does not rely on the man she thinks may help her.... If he doesn't want to reconcile... it is best he doesn't reply... Only then, will she understand he has moved on and she needs to find help and support from some one else that does care and wants to continue in a caring relationship... Exactly There's no way he can offer help when he's asking questions like "should I be nice to this person that abandoned me". Link to post Share on other sites
slippery sneaker Posted February 1, 2009 Share Posted February 1, 2009 OMG 5 months you were say kindof in misery,and now you found a great one. Well as soon as old love finds out be prepared for jealous,and games from number 1. I agree with Karma is a B1TSH Link to post Share on other sites
EmperorR Posted February 2, 2009 Share Posted February 2, 2009 No need to be mean to her, but that also doesn't mean you have to help her out, she made the decision let her handle it herself. It sucks her life is like that just wish her the best and voila. Link to post Share on other sites
didittomyself Posted February 2, 2009 Share Posted February 2, 2009 ok my two cents is this, when she left you, she was only thought of herself by not considering your feelings and managed to unfit you from her future plans now that time has elapsed her life has turned to **** after a significant amount of time employing NC, I see she is still selfish, her contacting you is not about you, it's still about her... stay the F outta Dodge the scenario that can play out, is... you help her heal you may develop feelings again when she heals she feels she can stand on her own two feet again and will drop you like an addiction ( which is what NC is anyway alcoholics use NC..it's called going cold -turkey) you go down to her level to help her out she gets out and leaves where you are She's selfish, devote yourself to this healthy girl, my take is stay NC forever unless you have kids Her selfish behavior will affect your current girl, Love your new girl screw the old one leave it where it is, in the past She may call saying blah blah. blah. don't answer and stay NC, this selfish girl forfeited her right to your company you owe her nothing not even decency or a phone pick up Walk away man she's selfish Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted February 2, 2009 Share Posted February 2, 2009 Here's my only sentiment. If you are with someone NOW who makes you happy... why jeapordize that by fraternizing with the ex? If I was dating someone and things are going well (or it was new)- and I found out he had gone back to the ex to comfort her.... DONE. I'd be gone. It would only indicate to me that my guy wasn't over his ex. Do you want to jeapordize things with your new girl- or move forward? That's what you should wonder about. Do you still love your ex? Do you want to keep what you currently have? Decide that first. You're not a dick for still caring about the ex. You ARE a dick, if you comfort your ex when you are with someone else. You are doing your current gf an injustice if you turn to the ex. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rafa Posted February 3, 2009 Author Share Posted February 3, 2009 Here's my only sentiment. If you are with someone NOW who makes you happy... why jeapordize that by fraternizing with the ex? If I was dating someone and things are going well (or it was new)- and I found out he had gone back to the ex to comfort her.... DONE. I'd be gone. It would only indicate to me that my guy wasn't over his ex. Do you want to jeapordize things with your new girl- or move forward? That's what you should wonder about. Do you still love your ex? Do you want to keep what you currently have? Decide that first. You're not a dick for still caring about the ex. You ARE a dick, if you comfort your ex when you are with someone else. You are doing your current gf an injustice if you turn to the ex. Thanks d-lish. So i think i managed to walk the fine line. She called up, as she said she would, and spilled all her problems at me down the phone. I told her that all I can do is offer her some advice, as I've moved on. I know her very well, and I can see how she isn't helping herself. I gave her a load of practical advice. She said she was grateful and that I'd really helped. Then we finished the call. It wasn't open ended, I said thats all I can do. I don't love her anymore. My new girlfriend doesn't know about the call. I guess Mr phobia and such will say I'm being deceptive or whatever, but hey... it was just a phonecall. I sometimes speak to a couple of others ex's, it doesn't have to mean anything. No harm is done. I can now be sure of two things: She's not so desperate that she's liable to do something stupid; and she's still pretty selfish. She would've known that last month coincided with something pretty huge in my family situation, but she didn't even ask. Sure she's desperate, but her whole attitude is one of "what can you do for me"?, and that's how it always was in the relationship. She had the cheek to tell me that she was happy when she was with me. Shame she couldn't have said it when we were together. Link to post Share on other sites
CommitmentPhobe Posted February 6, 2009 Share Posted February 6, 2009 I guess Mr phobia and such will say I'm being deceptive or whatever, No . Then we finished the call. It wasn't open ended, I said thats all I can do. You did the right thing, had you left it open ended you would have caused yourself untold problems. She had the cheek to tell me that she was happy when she was with me. Shame she couldn't have said it when we were together. Yes she was bound to say something like that and this is exactly why you did the right thing. Personally I still don't think it was wise to run the risk of reforming an attachment by hearing her out, but having said that you seem to have dealt with it really well, so perhaps I underestmated your ability to do that. I know I would have got sucked in. Anyway, I'm glad you didn't let her situation pull you in and came to the right conclusion. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rafa Posted September 14, 2021 Author Share Posted September 14, 2021 Hey so, quick update. 12 and a half years later! I ended up marrying the new girl (the “someone so frikken special” girl). We have three incredible kids together and a great family life in a different country. It’s amazing how things turned out actually. I sometimes think of that horrible period in 2008. I was out for the count. I have almost no info on what became of my ex; I cut off the communication. Life has not been “perfect” but it’s mostly been pretty close. I am super grateful. Thanks people! 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Katkats7777 Posted October 9, 2021 Share Posted October 9, 2021 Isn't it ironic that when you finally move on with your life/fix yourself/ improve you, push yourself to date other people, that one ex that you were crying over, obsessing/having those sleepiness nights, one day they POP up out of nowhere and want you? Until you no longer desire them. Lesson learn. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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