egoiste Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 I have paranoid personality disorder and I'm passive aggressive. I feel so horrible that I can't control these things when I'm with him. I used to be able though. T_T It's so hard typing all this out to people I don't know. Anyways, back in May '08. I met him and things were great. I felt special because he loved me, he was so sweet and gave me gifts. I guess I became to expect these things. And now they've stopped. I really don't understand what's happened. The relationship was happy for a month at most, combined. I know that's sounds really pathetic but please bear with me. We used to fight all the time, sometimes even everyday or more than once per day. We don't do that any more but now it's been replaced by a sort of dissatisfaction on my part. We both feel like the other person doesn't appreciate the time that we spend with each other and I think he finds me annoying. I find him rude and annoying sometimes too, when I'm being interrupted while talking (randomly starting to sing) and repeatedly linking me to songs like 'Dick in a Box'. The more I think about it, the more I feel like an idiot. Why am I still together with this person? It's like I only like one side of this person. I feel like the only time I like him is when he's sad because that's when he truly shows concern for our failing relationship. When I'm trying to be serious and explain things that I feel are falling out of place, he laughs. I'm really offended by that because I feel like such an idiot and wasting my time when he does that. I feel like I already know to break up with him but I just need confirmation, like I'm not sure about my decisions. Every time I think about breaking up though, I think about all the times I've tried to break up with him because i thought a fight was unbearable or I've felt so depressed and powerless to fix things that I'm just giving up. All those times, he's the one that's persevered with me and I'm so moved that he cares enough about me to do that. At the same time though, I feel like we're growing further apart each day and even though those things from the past were wonderful, it's impossible to go back now. I've changed dramatically over the past year, my mother became abusive after my grandmother's death and my father has been overseas. Although those things have changed me into a more paranoid, negative person it's still not an excuse for doing this to someone I love right? I don't even know if I still love him. He says he does and always will and his feelings hasn't changed about me but I don't believe him because his actions don't match his feelings. He tells me to shut up sometimes and I think that's unacceptable. I've also asked him many times not to swear but he still does it bothers me so much and ugh =.= I don't know, I'm so confused about my feelings towards him. So I guess I'm asking for your opinion on whether I should break up with him in assessing this, haha. Well today after spending time with some friends, some people left so it was just him, me and his friend Zoe. They decided to play Diablo II together and I felt so felt out and angry that he would decide to play that. I don't have Diablo 2 so I couldn't play with them and he was on that for over 2 hours (but he claims he wasn't on for over 30 minutes). I expressed my feelings about feeling left out and he continued to play. I didn't know how I could make it more clear that I wanted him to spend time with me :'( He said afterwards that I should've asked him to stop playing but I feel like if I said that I would sound too controlling. Another issue is that for a few weeks now, I've been feeling that the only time when we're happy is having sex so to be happy I offer to do that out of fear of losing him. I know it's very sad thing to do but I just wish things could go back to how things were in May. It's so ironic that the best memories are also the most painful ones. What's sadder is that the happy times may remain memories forever
RRyan65 Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 I have paranoid personality disorder and I'm passive aggressive. I feel so horrible that I can't control these things when I'm with him. I used to be able though. T_T It's so hard typing all this out to people I don't know. Never preface your posts with this. It's an advisor's turn-off.
MSUE Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 are you under proffesional care for your own issues? cause you need to work on yourself first before you understand this relationship issues...and see clear...take care of yourself
Recommended Posts