OWoman Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 It's getting pretty old seeing how some very bitter, very twisted and very far from healed posters are haranguing some of the newer (and not so new, but still hurting) posters and harassing them for not conforming to the haters' idea of a moral code, so I thought I'd start a new thread especially for the haters to vent their spleens on, hopefully to draw some of the poison away from some of those other threads so the posters can get some constructive input rather than just beig told they're slutty or immoral or have no shame. So, here goes: I have a history of being a serial OW. Many As, many MMs. And no, I have no shame. None whatsoever. I feel no guilt and, given those situations and were I in the same life phase as I was back then, I would do it all over again. Hurl your rocks now! And, some of those MMs dumped their BWs because of the As. Yes, homewrecker!! Hurl more rocks. It wasn't what I wanted from them - I wanted all the advantages and control and power of an A - so I dumped them. Come on, fling those rocks! And now, my most recent MM and I are about to marry. His D is through, our wedding is booked, our honeymoon set and our future bliss mapped out. We're both ecstatically happy, as are our kids, his family, his colleagues and all of our friends. We're proof of how liberating an A can be - how it can break the shackles of an oppressive M and allow an abused H to experience true love and allow kids the possibility of a happy family life by removing them from a toxic M. Haters, we're your worst nightmare, an A that worked out to everyone's benefit (with one possible exception, though that is also moot) so HURL YOUR BOULDERS HERE!!
Squirtal Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 Congratulations OW on your up and coming marriage This thread seems to have been started for a debate, and I'd like to ask, would you finish with your man if he had an affair behind your back? Not hating, just curious..and its interesting.
Woggle Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 Congrats to you that you found love though these means but you are the exception to the rule. Not throwing any rocks but what usually happens is what you see in 95% of the other threads on this subject.
awkward Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 It wasn't what I wanted from them - I wanted all the advantages and control and power of an A - so I dumped them. Karma. I hope they cried like babies. Did they? What was different about your current MM that made you fall in love?
jwi71 Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 I have a question that follows closely what awkward was saying. After years of disdain for the institution of marriage, what made you change your mind and want such yourself? Was there an "a-ha" moment or would you characterize it as a progression? And congratulations on the pending nuptials. I hope you two can enjoy a long and happy life together.
bluebayou Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 oh well said OWoman. I am really chuffed for you that things have worked out how you wanted them. I'm in your old situation, being an OW and happy with the A as it is and nothing more. You have given me very excellent and understanding points of views in your posts, which have so far been few and far between... so I'll join you in the rock pit LOL
Lizzie60 Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 I don't see the point of this thread.. except to start a new war with those bitter posters... Why not do what I do... just ignore them.. simple. I, like you, have many As, many MMs... and feel no shame... We all have our lives, our views... that's what makes this community so much fun.. otherwise it would be sooo boring. I am happy for you.. although in my case, I've never been married, I never believed in the institution of marriage, never will... I also don't believe in monogamy.. but from your posts I've read, you also don't believe in monogamy.. so I guess you'll be opened to an 'open marriage'... Good luck!
JamesM Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 And now, my most recent MM and I are about to marry. His D is through, our wedding is booked, our honeymoon set and our future bliss mapped out. We're both ecstatically happy, as are our kids, his family, his colleagues and all of our friends. We're proof of how liberating an A can be - how it can break the shackles of an oppressive M and allow an abused H to experience true love and allow kids the possibility of a happy family life by removing them from a toxic M. Haters, we're your worst nightmare, an A that worked out to everyone's benefit (with one possible exception, though that is also moot) so HURL YOUR BOULDERS HERE!! Well, I will throw some stones. You know my opinions, and I think I have "defended" cheaters as I have been accused of so often by BSs. So here goes.... 1. You are not married yet. 2. The roughest days are yet to come. 3. Post your story of success after five or more years. The roughest days are to come. The question is....will HE trust that you will not cheat on him after the days of the honeymoon are over? Will you trust him when those times of fighting/discord are the worst? Marriage is not the mark of success. It takes a long term marriage (more than ten or twenty years) to "prove" that you have succeeded. Just my two cents....and not meant with anger or malice.
Mino Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 congratulations on your upcoming marriage, Owoman, I wish you Happinesness and Love....
ColorCube Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 OWoman You seem bitter, Why is that? If you are so happy about your upcoming marriage then why post a thread full of hate toward others. Being that you have been through it and claim you are healed you should be able to show compassion for both sides of the coin rather than only showing hate towards posters that are obviously still reeling and hurting. I wish you happiness in you upcoming marriage but I feel like you are still hurting and haven't healed, perhaps when you do finally heal you will treat all parties with compassion rather than just parties like you.
Author OWoman Posted January 30, 2009 Author Posted January 30, 2009 Well, that didn't work ! As Lizzie asked, I don't see the point of this thread.. except to start a new war with those bitter posters... The thread was deisgned to be a kind of lightning rod to draw some of the flak away from some of the other threads where people were looking for support and advice and got rocks tossed at them instead. But instead of rocks, I've had lots of congratulations and some questions, which I'll try to answer... This thread seems to have been started for a debate, and I'd like to ask, would you finish with your man if he had an affair behind your back? I'm not a "believer" in sexual exclusivity, so if he had sex with someone else it wouldn't faze me. But if he didn't tell me, I'd take that as a sign that the R had run its course, if he was no longer sharing the important things in his life with me. So the not telling would be the death knell for me, not the sex. What was different about your current MM that made you fall in love? Something different about him, and something different about me, I guess. I think I'm in a different life stage now - kids grown and moved on with their own lives - and I'm more open to someone else in my life. And he's really just such an ideal fit for me, we complement each other well - the timing was just right. After years of disdain for the institution of marriage, what made you change your mind and want such yourself? Was there an "a-ha" moment or would you characterize it as a progression? The marriage itself is a necessity - if we want to be together - as we are citizens of different countries. But we definitely want to be together, so we're doing the bureaucratic necessities to enable that. The roughest days are to come. The question is....will HE trust that you will not cheat on him after the days of the honeymoon are over? Will you trust him when those times of fighting/discord are the worst? James, I take your point completely. It's a beginning, not an end. And oddly enough, he does trust me - he's seen the changes in me. And I've seen the enormous changes in him, too. So there is trust - but how it will pan out in years to come, we'll have to wait and see! If you are so happy about your upcoming marriage then why post a thread full of hate toward others. As mentioned earlier, it was designed to draw some of the hating from some other threads. Not to start its own flame war, but to put out some of the others. Thanks all for the good wishes
Squirtal Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 Fair play to you. Good luck and I hope its wonderful.
Reggie Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 You go, girl. A man will move mountains for the woman he loves. :bunny:
2sure Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 OW I personally dont have issue with the most OW here , not any more than I have issue with anyone else. I have found both your posts and responses to them very interesting because not long ago, I was you. For Years. I had one A with a MM when I was single that I have talked about on LS. But that was just my main gid- there were several others as well. I was single, and for reasons similar to yours - I nearly exclusively dated MM. There are many advantages to dating MM and thats a thread for another time. I never did feel particularly guilty. I eventually got married, not to one of the MM. I'm happy too - and wish you the same. To be honest some of the skills and "inside" info I was privy to from MM gave me some advantages with men in general. But you know what? There was a kicker. Karma caught up with me , I am CONVINCED. H cheated. I'm not saying yours will, at all. I dont think my Karma necessarilly had to take the form of my H's infidelity - it could have been something else. But honest - I'm POSITIVE it played a part in the whole thing. I learned a lesson. I'm not saying - "You will Get Yours!"...but , ya know...dont be surprised. And I'm saying this with best wishes , humor, and sincerity.
Ariadne Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 (Victim mentality anybody?) Congratulations on your marriage!
Mr. Lucky Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 I'm not a "believer" in sexual exclusivity, so if he had sex with someone else it wouldn't faze me. But if he didn't tell me, I'd take that as a sign that the R had run its course, if he was no longer sharing the important things in his life with me. So the not telling would be the death knell for me, not the sex. I guess that the fact that you've been willing to share this (and other) MM with his wife is proof that you don't believe in sexual exclusivity. Will you have an "open" marriage? Mr. Lucky
LakesideDream Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 All any of us can do is what we believe is best. Sometimes "best" isn't "good". Sometimes it is. I've said for years here that "the heart wants what the heart wants" and I believe it. We humans are wired that way. Nature abores a vacuum, when one exists the full force of nature is brought to bare to fill it. While we all are forced to live in society, we do it in different ways. I've never "hated" a person because of what was in their heart. Not even the ex. She loved her AP/MM. I couldn't hate her for that. I couldn't blame her for wanting to live her dreams. Hate the OM? That would be silly, even ignorant. He saw good in her that I knew. He loved what he found. How could I hate him for that? Bitter, sure I am. I feel I wasted my best quarter century. Angry? not for many years. I wish you all the best. Success to you. Prosper, and most of all, I wish you a lifetime of drama free happyness.
Ramrod Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 I have a question that follows closely what awkward was saying. After years of disdain for the institution of marriage, what made you change your mind and want such yourself? Was there an "a-ha" moment or would you characterize it as a progression? And congratulations on the pending nuptials. I hope you two can enjoy a long and happy life together. Karma will be a bitter harvest for you.
LakesideDream Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 Karma will be a bitter harvest for you. Ramrod, There is no Karma. Karma is a way to explain away personal situations without taking responsibility. Leaving retribution in the perview of the "Lords of Karma" works for the powerless. It makes them feel justified. OWoman, or any of us go through life making decisions. Some good, some not. Some of us are lucky enough to do well on the important decisions and have happy outcomes. This may be OWomans chance for a happy outcome. What went on before wasn't recorded for use against her at a later date. It's what happens now that matters. You can rely on the Lords of Karma for your justice (happiness?), I'd rather be proactive like OWoman.
herenow Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 Congratulations, I'm glad you have found happiness.
precious1357 Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 "And now, my most recent MM and I are about to marry. His D is through, our wedding is booked, our honeymoon set and our future bliss mapped out. We're both ecstatically happy, as are our kids, his family, his colleagues and all of our friends. We're proof of how liberating an A can be - how it can break the shackles of an oppressive M and allow an abused H to experience true love and allow kids the possibility of a happy family life by removing them from a toxic M. Haters, we're your worst nightmare, an A that worked out to everyone's benefit (with one possible exception, though that is also moot) so HURL YOUR BOULDERS HERE!!" More power to both of you. That's great, congratulations!!!
Author OWoman Posted January 30, 2009 Author Posted January 30, 2009 Women have an expiration date it's called 45 y.o. Ramrod, if this were true, his xW would have bitten the dust 15 years ago. She's older than him - and is often mistaken for his mother - so were it that simple, he'd have dumped her a good while back. My fiance and his xW were together for more than 30 years. He's not the kind to treat commitment lightly. My father's W (fOW) didn't get the heave-ho at 45 either - they've been together more than 20 years now and "karma" shows no signs of visiting them, either. I'm 45. I notice absolutely no reduction in men's attention - if anything, there's a lot more of it now that I've reached an age where I can feel comfortable in my skin and confident in how I feel, look and am. If I've expired, no one's bothered to inform the manufacturer to remove me from the shelf, and consumption of the "expired" product continues unabated...
whichwayisup Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 Congrats and have fun on your honeymoon!
MSUE Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 well best of luck in your marriage...but its a cycle that's hard to break...chances are you'll find another MM or he will have an affair w someone else...can you handle it?have u tought of that? don't get me wrong I'm no saint by any means but the chances of happy ecer after ending are very slim... and KARMA is real...I have to agree
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