4givrnt4gtr Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 So, ive been dating this guy for almost 2 months now. Before this he had asked me out a few months before but I said no and how i didnt want a relationship cuz i had just gotten out of one. He kept pursuing me until i said yes. Well everything has been great so far, except that he told me he would be going to school in September back in his hometown (6 hours away). At first I was having issues with it bc it sounded like once september rolls around our R would be over. So, by the end of december I asked him about that, whether he saw our relationship as just in the meantime, while he goes back to school. He said that he had told me he was going to leave so I said that it didnt mean it had to end. He agreed though he said it would be hard since he would be going to grad school, but he would try anyway. I felt better after that which help me keep going with the R. Well, yesterday he was talking about his roommate, saying how she has a bf who lives in another state, and how he couldnt understand how they do it. Then today we were watching a movie, the actress looked like an ex of his. He said she was cute but really dumb and that the R had lasted just 5 weeks. I asked why and he said that he had told her he was going to move to go to college but she kinda just giggled it off. When he finally said bye on the day of the move, she was mad. I immediately saw myself in her shoes. The rest of the evening was totally killed for me. Doesnt help im totally emotional (stupid bc pills). I tried so hard not to cry while wondering if im a total moron for continuing on this relationship. I kept pulling away from him, and hating every second of it knowing that unless i do so im gonna be massively hurt if he decides its over when he moves home. He is ridiculously good to me, sweet and very loving. He says he really likes me a lot, and I like him so much as well. I know i cant cool it at this point so the only two things i can do is either hope for the best and keep on going knowing fully well what may happen down the road or ending it... Im not sure what do to....suggestions please???? I dont know...am I being totally stupid for staying in this relationship?
I'm Joe Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 I think you should assume that he loves you and that breaking up with him will break his heart. as it would hurt you if he broke up with you. I would guard your heart the best you can... Only break up with him if you really don't want to be with him. not pre-emptively break up with him because your afraid he will do it to you. that's cruel.
Still Trying Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 I'd never deal with a LDR. You have to decide if you can, bottom line.
unacceptable62 Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 Wow, sounds like what happened with me and my gf. We started dating 2 months before I had to go off for school. Granted, I am "only" 2 hours away, but still. At first it was really hard, she called a lot crying because she missed me. But you will find that the weekends where you get to see each other are some of the best you've ever had. If you feel a real connection and feel like you want to make it work, I strongly encourage that you try. Good Luck!
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted February 2, 2009 Author Posted February 2, 2009 Thank you for the responses! In my mind, and so far (granted its only been 2 months) it would totally be worth trying LD relationship. Especially since it will only be for one year, given that it works out. I will be going to school near his hometown as well but will leave a year later. So far he is the best boyfriend Ive had in that he treats me amazingly well. I truly feel wanted and cared for and like he just really really is happy to be with me. THis kinda throws me off though because, even though he claims he is ridiculously happy, and treats me like a princess he doesnt seem to have any qualms about moving away. It just makes me a bit nervous because I feel like even though he seems to like me a lot, even when he was pursuing me, he knew it was not going to be a long term relationship (which then makes me wonder why in the world was he so persistent). Even when I brought it up, how I was not ok with this being just a fling, he agreed that he didnt want that either but that LD would be hard though he still would be willing to try it if it makes sense at the time. So bassically it was kinda obvious that it wasnt his original plan. And then, i just look at how he treats me and how much he seems to like me and I wonder two things...1. Are men able to get attached to someone and not have worries about what will happen in the future? Or is it all just an act? 2. If i keep going with this, im gonna be neck deep in it...how am I going to deal with it if at the end he just says goodbye? AND THEN i think about how he, one night confessed he was scared I would totally destroy him by leaving him. That he was afraid I would end up leaving and he would be so hurt he wouldnt know where to begin to get back on his feet. So....giving his own misgivings...does it make sense to fear that he doesnt really care and is just having a good, in the meantime fun?
BCCA Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 The answers are probably right in front of you, but its just so hard to see things for what they really are. When you asked him about what was going to happen once he went away, he answered by telling you that you knew he was leaving. He didnt say 'no, of course not, lets make this work', he pretty much didnt answer at all. Sure, he agreed with you once you said you wanted it to work, but why wouldnt he? Even if he's not sure, if he says no right now, youre going to be gone, right? one night confessed he was scared I would totally destroy him by leaving him. I have to say, my ex used to say that to me, but then she left me twice. No one wants to be left, especially if they were thinking of leaving themselves. And look at the security you give him by reassuring him youre not going to do that. I really hope I'm wrong, but I've been through two of these same situations, and both ended with me either getting dumped as soon as the other person left or being ignored to the point where it was a dumping by default. Seriously, 6 hours is a far drive, and its going to really wear you thin. Plus, from what youve said, he doesnt sound overly commited. He could be living in the moment, enjoying things for what they are until he leaves. I hope Im wrong, but I just never hear of these things working out.
sneller440 Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 Tough, tough situation...and maybe my words should be taken as no more than just biased experience. I am a male, but have been in a similar situation. A girl who absolutely adored me, pursued me, and poured me with emotional affection while we were together eventually became real distant from me in our relationship. I could tell she was skipping away from me but tried to avoid to protect myself from facing the inevitable pain that was to follow. This girl even one night beggeg me in a face full of tears to never leave her as I would tear her world apart and she wouldnt know what to do. I was good to her, exceptionally good. I was courteous, caring, kind, smart, and available. I was never clingly, gave her space and trusted her, and remember, she came to me in this relationship. When she I eventually confronted her about my concerns of herbeing distant form me, she gave the "im confused" routine. I took off quite hurt ( iwas young and inexperienced in those times) and hopped she would come to her sense and want me back after she realized she missed me. Here's my point, b/c i waited for her to approach me post-"im confused" talk, she was able to have me on her terms, which is what i think you're guy is doing. Its cruel, cold, and not fair. He knows your deeply into him and is aware he can play the field at school and if that fails you;ll be there for him to fall back on. F that. My old girl never dumped me, she just waited for me to take the hint...which i got when one of my old teammates told me she was bangin an old friend of mine. First class. Oh well. Thats why you cant beleive everything they say (actions speak louder than words, even if you have a face cull of tears)
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