wannabeplayer79 Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 She is a girl in my office, but I don't work directly with her. In the first year I was with the company, I went to lunch with her, and other mutual office friends, once or twice. Other than that I had no contact with her other than a quick smile and "shy" hi from both of us as we are passing in the hall. I think she's hot (not everyone would), and she has caught me checking her out once or twice. She has a long time boyfriend, and she knows I'm in a relationship too. A few months ago, I started working with one of her good friends in the office. Her friend and I became good friends too. Then the following started to happen over the next 6 weeks: -she started initiating conversations with me (I assume because she had been speaking with her friend about me). -she found out some of my interests and made it clear that she had the same interests. -she would keep suggesting we go out for lunch with our friend. We went out for coffee a couple of times and we went for lunch with our mutual friend a few times too. During these times: -she would laugh at my stupid jokes. -sometimes she would seem a bit out of sorts when the two of us were alone together. -a couple of times she would walk VERY close to me when we were alone (rubbing shoulders slightly). So all of the above happens, and she is initiating everything. I haven't initiated anything in return as I think she's hot and don't want to show any interest/flirt. At the holiday office party she puts her hand on my shoulder when attempting to hear what I was saying to her. 2-3 seconds after I had finished speaking, her hand moved away (is this normal or too slow?). Later she asks me to dance with her (and i did). Now I'm thinking she's interested in me or flirting with me. Shortly after the party, I passed her in the hall a couple of times and I caved in I smiled at her as I always did, but this time I looked right into her eyes and held eye contact until she looked away. Both times she smiled back and then looked down to the ground. Before these times I would have normally just acknowledge her and then looked away. Is it obvious I was flirting with her here? I felt bad about doing this, and since then I have kept contact with her to a minimum. I have declined her invites to lunch/coffee. We still go out for lunch with our mutual friend though, and here are some observations I have seen: -She seemed upset with me when we were out for lunch with our friend. I cracked the same joke that we all once laughed at, but this time she says she doesn't think its funny. After this she appologizes, and after lunch she AIM's me starting up another conversation. -Our mutual friend and I planned lunch, and she got all flirty with me again. She came over smiling and played with her hair, hands, and arms, and tried to convince me to go to a different restaurant she like better. -The other day I tell her I have to bail on lunch with her and our friend, she asks why (I tell her I'm busy with work). When I see her leaving I tell her to have a good time and she says thanks but looks upset. -When we were both working late one night she was about to suggest we go out for dinner, but before she actually suggests it, she asked how long I was going to be here for and I told her I was about to leave. She also mentioned how her boyfriend just works late and didn't want to do anything that night. Finally, I should also mention the following: -About a month and a 1/2 after she initiated conversations with me, her good friend tells me that she had not been herself for about a month and a 1/2. Her good friend tried to talk with her, but she wouldn't open up about it. Is this just a coincidence? -About a month or so ago I heard her mention that she had gone to dinner with another guy friend of hers (a former coworker). -She makes a point of bringing her boyfriend into conversations with myself and just about anyone else she speaks with in the office. One time we were out with our good friend and she mentions how he's "perfect." I am confused. Is she interested in me or am I over-analyzing/over-fantasizing? This question is killing me and I can't seem to move on. I've worked with other hot women before but this is different because of the flirting/interest I think she's showing, and me flirting back. This has never happened before. I try to distance myself, but she keeps coming back at me. I need closure. Is there any way I can confront her? Finally, before you judge me for being a potential cheater, I know there must be something wrong with my relationship so I'm going to get help. Thx for any of your thoughts.
O'Malley Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 Turn your focus back on your relationship; communicate as openly as you can with your girlfriend. Discuss with her what you have posted here, no matter how much you want to avoid it or how painful it becomes. Do you feel that particular needs are not being met by your girlfriend or have your feelings simply ebbed away? Until you make a decision about your relationship, distance yourself from this co-worker. Do not go out to lunch with her or discuss anything that doesn't pertain to work. Your need to seek her out or confront her is just another diversion from your current situation. Continuing to put all your energy towards deciphering your co-worker's motives only make your relationship that more problematic.
Neutrino Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 Don't talk to your GF just yet - what exactly would you say ? That you MAY be interested in someone else ? Right now, there is no real perspective - so practically no other option to choose for and nothing to discuss. Unless you have problems in your relationship anyway - this is a whole different subject. People are not exact sciences and don't expect life to make sense all the time. You don't know what's happening in your colleague's relationship, you have no idea what's going through her head - you have no information at all - other than biased observations and some guesses.... It is a hard one - I am familiar with your situation. The most important thing is to consider that in the near future you may have an important decision to make - this requires you to think and consider carefully, not only how you feel, but things in your life that may be impacted, like if you and the GF co-own a house or something. About the colleague : are you sure what you have is not just a jitter ? Would you feel the same way had she not been your colleague ? How do you even know you guys would get along ? Take time to get to know her - without exceeding the limit of friendship, think your plans carefully, also take a close look at your relationship - if there is a chornic problem - you may migrate it with you to any other future relationship. We spend more than 1/2 our waking life at work, we meet new people we never knew before, it is possible that the unexpected happens. Life is weird and unpredictable - it is what makes it worth living.
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