entityzero Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 Guys i know i've posted before and asked for help but Im struggling so bad with thinking about my ex girlfriend who I love dearly now having sex with my friend.. I have pornographic images in my mind of them f*****g and it drives me insane, i just cant stop them coming into my head. Does anyone have any ideas or advice on how to stop this destructive thinking.. anything please...
lofi_tokyo Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 Its all a matter of will-power I think. You need to force yourself to think of other things! The minute you start to dwell on the two of them together think of something else. Anything. After a while you'll kind of find yourself trained not to think of them at all.
Ramrod Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 Hey Killer, That's awful. I am not the jealous type, so I really don't know what your going through. What I mean is that while I have been cheated on in the past. I never "needed" details, or allowed myself to indulge in such painful imagery. The worst experience I had was with a little sl*t who pushed me to the edge. I mean I could see everything in my minds-eye right down to the neighbors calling the police and the orange jumpsuit. But I never tortured myself with images of her rolling around with the other guy, probably because he wasn't as good-looking as me. But I digress. Anyhoodles, The reason I stopped by your thread was to make a suggestion. Why not, everytime you picture the two of them together, drop down and start doing push-ups. It's a way of training yourself to avoid thinking about them, because before long, you'll condition your mind to have the association between the two. You'll either stop thinking about them together or you'll have a killer bod for the next lady in your life. It beats the hell out of paying for therapy.
BackonTrack2 Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 hey dude your pretty much ****ed, nothing you can do except allow time to take its course. the things you 100% should NOT do since your still in love with your ex girl whom is now sucking the cock of your best friend is a) not contact either one of them b) if you see them on the street, hide, then run away c) allow a few months to pass d) stay busy, find a hobby, do something, not stay home and oh yeah, its going to take a very long time. good luck detoxing.
Author entityzero Posted January 30, 2009 Author Posted January 30, 2009 backontrack..um..thanks for being..so honest..and harsh.. and for helping me with that mental image of the sucking..nice.. sorry, i know i need to hear those things in some way but i think i feel ****ing worse. oh well.
Author entityzero Posted February 1, 2009 Author Posted February 1, 2009 im really not coping here at all, my mind is consumed with these ****ing horrible images and thoughts....my dreams are full of them laughing in my face and telling me im worth ****. i cant stop thinking about her getting ****ed and loving it, making him feel as good as she used to make me feel. i want to go and kick the **** out of him, rip his throat out and watch him bleed to death.. she always said he made her sick, now she sleeps next to him. how the hell do i deal with that? im exhausted, tired and over it. help
Zammo25 Posted February 1, 2009 Posted February 1, 2009 im really not coping here at all, my mind is consumed with these ****ing horrible images and thoughts....my dreams are full of them laughing in my face and telling me im worth ****. i cant stop thinking about her getting ****ed and loving it, making him feel as good as she used to make me feel. i want to go and kick the **** out of him, rip his throat out and watch him bleed to death.. she always said he made her sick, now she sleeps next to him. how the hell do i deal with that? im exhausted, tired and over it. help Sorry for your pain. I am there as well. Sorry to be crude but imagine him with a 4 inch erect one who often fails to rise to the occassion and has premature ejaculation. There is NO guarantee he is going to be great in bed. Infact he might be crap as a lot of Men are as they are just worried about their own self gratification and not making the Woman happy. Believe me most Men are NOT good at this. Women generally need a lot of time and affection and afterwards the post sex cuddle is vital and not just roll of and turning the tv on. She may be thinking you were a much better lover. Hold this in your mind. With my ex I gave her orgasm's 90% of the time and never failed to be up for it. So I can true to myself I must have been doing something right. I never lost my sexual attraction to her in three and a half years. That is also making it so damn difficult since the split as well. However Sex although important is not the be all and end all. You need to be friends and in love with each other for it to work long term. If you are lucky you have sex about an hour a week ( 3 x 20 minutes ) so there is a hell of a long time to make the rest of it work. Be strong. Some other lady will be the lucky recipient of your loving soon.
DJMarky Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 I'm in the same boat. My ex was pretty much over at this guy's house all the time the last week of our relationship, then to top it off was ignoring my phone calls to spend longer with me. She assured me that she just thought he was hot and nothing would ever happen, I should trust her, even though she was telling me dreamt of him sexually! Anyways, enough was enough so I broke up with her (for the second time), you can read my story in the other thread I won't go into details now. Anyways, after I broke up with her she pretty much told me the next day she went out partying with him and slept at his. Yep, whore. I saw it coming and she refused to listen. This guy is the typical fag looking guy, cares about his appearance, dresses like a metrosexual, goes to gym, where as I was the ruggedly handsome (if I do say so myself - I am very modest) guy, who shaved only when absolutely necessary and considered a surf in the ocean as good as a shower. So now, she has this fag and it's hard not to think about her on his knob, she was pretty much horny all the time so probably goes and sucks it ritually, which she loved, but oh well, **** her. I made her cum 2-3 times during sex, and apparently this guy is pretty much a virgin, from what I have been told. Anyways that's not the point. Think about it like this, there are plenty of hot girls out there who sleep around. Think pornstars. Well, it doesn't bother you because you aren't emotionally involved with them. The only reason you care now is because you are emotionally involved, well you just need to get over them, easier said than done ofcourse. Imo, a girl who says 'i love you' and 'you are my first love' then the next second is boning some dude doesn't deserve any time in my thoughts. The only reason you are thinking about it is because it is bothering you. The brain goes, 'I got a reaction from that thought - I will keep focusing on it.' If the thought doesn't bother you, or get a reaction then it will disappear, easier said than done I know. Just think about the sex with other women to look forward to. You aren't alone, affairs happen all the time, people move on unexpectantly, just think of it as a character growth experience. **** happens, you aren't the only one who has to deal with it. It could be worse.
sedgwick Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 This guy is the typical fag looking guy, So now, she has this fag and it's hard not to think about her on his knob, I made her cum 2-3 times during sex Okay, I'm officially appalled. In case nobody's ever filled you in on this, "fag," is an offensive word to throw out in mixed company, like on an internet forum. Also, if he really is a "fag," she's probably not "on his knob." Please try opening your eyes to the wider world. These comments come off as incredibly ignorant, sheltered, tasteless, and, well...just not very smart. Oh, and orgasms? We can fake those. Just so ya know.
DJMarky Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 Okay, I'm officially appalled. In case nobody's ever filled you in on this, "fag," is an offensive word to throw out in mixed company, like on an internet forum. Also, if he really is a "fag," she's probably not "on his knob." Please try opening your eyes to the wider world. These comments come off as incredibly ignorant, sheltered, tasteless, and, well...just not very smart. Oh, and orgasms? We can fake those. Just so ya know. Sorry. I realise what I said was not appropriate. I am not actually a homophobe and the use of the word is strictly due to the fact most people my age use it, despite it's negative connotations. I am not saying that that makes it any better, just that it has become a natural thing to say. However, I should have reviewed what I had written and realised that it could easily offend anyone. Also, just because I offended you there is no need to try and suggest she was faking it lol. It wasn't as if everytime she was shouting my name at 1000 dBs. Sometimes I would have to ask if she actually came, for example when her relatives were just outside her room watching tele, and she would use a pillow to muffle the sound. Anyways, bit off topic.
Author entityzero Posted February 4, 2009 Author Posted February 4, 2009 DJMarky thanks for those wise words man and im sorry to hear you had to deal with this same s**t, some people are just a**holes hey? Your right about the brain VS reaction thing, and yeah i just need to get to a point where i dont give a f**k whos c**k she sits on (uugggh it makes me sick typing that so im not quite there yet) I still go through stages where its ok, its not ok, im angry, im upset etc etc.. Its the mornings that are hardest when i wake up alone and know they're in bed together.. Just sucks that you can give so much of yourself to someone just to have them betray you and throw you away like that. At least hopefully i'll be smarter in the long run!
DJMarky Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 No worries bro. This is the first time I have had to deal with this. When I found out she shacked up with him straight after I broke up with her, I would wake up during the night sweating thinking about them together in bed, now I sleep like a baby, just took some time. It still bothers me when I dwell on the fact she went to someone else so quickly, but nothing I can do about it. She still has the nerve to try and call me most nights as if I would want to talk to her. Ignoring her phone calls and not contacting her gives me some satisfaction. Anyways, I am just glad I got out of the relationship when I did. Now I just need to find a girl who is better suited to me. Just remember, it's happens to the best of us, you aren't alone. Actions speak louder than words, the fact she did that to you shows she had little respect for you. Would you have done it to her? Nope. She isn't worth your time. You will meet someone better where you will both have mutual respect for each other. However, I'm not going to lie, it could easily happen in the future as well. It seems to be quite normal for girls to only leave a relationship when they have another lined up, which means they can get constant sex. Just think about the times you dominated her, and it was fun. You don't want to forget all the great times you had in bed, but now she isn't your concern, so who cares what she does. Just consider yourself lucky you aren't some poor sap who has a wife who is going around ****ing other guys behind his back. You know where you stand and can now move on, forget her. Wow, I better actually do some work. This break up has really reduced my productivity.
urdone Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 Sorry. I realise what I said was not appropriate. I am not actually a homophobe and the use of the word is strictly due to the fact most people my age use it, despite it's negative connotations. I am not saying that that makes it any better, just that it has become a natural thing to say. However, I should have reviewed what I had written and realised that it could easily offend anyone. Also, just because I offended you there is no need to try and suggest she was faking it lol. It wasn't as if everytime she was shouting my name at 1000 dBs. Sometimes I would have to ask if she actually came, for example when her relatives were just outside her room watching tele, and she would use a pillow to muffle the sound. Anyways, bit off topic. "The correct term is ****en faggot".
Author entityzero Posted February 4, 2009 Author Posted February 4, 2009 DJM i cant tell you how much your words hit home, im sorry your dealing with this aswell, why is it that its us that get screwed over and have to deal with the pain?? I havent been getting calls from my ex, she told me she wants to call and see how i am but knows its wrong and wants to let me heal...hmm, im not sure how to take that, i think id love to hear from her but im sure it would only cause me pain, unless it was to tell me shes dumped him, realized she made a mistake and wants to crawl at my hands and feet.. I sometimes wonder what type of person I am to invest so much of myself in to someone like her when i could see the red flags from the start... maybe im just a sucker? i know for a fact that this new guy cant please her sexually as much as i can, infact his ex girlfriend told me he was crap in bed, he's always stoned anyway.. but then my other friend told me my ex said that its good to be with someone who doesnt try to have sex with her all time (eg: me) so..who knows, im not sure what shes getting out of this relationship, i dont know if shes even sure if its what she wants she just looks for quick fixes of happiness instead of looking to fix her issues... sigh..why do i even care? i hope for both our sakes we'll be smart enough in the future to be with people who dont this stuff to us. good luck with everything man thanks again.
voldigicam Posted February 5, 2009 Posted February 5, 2009 Things resisted seem to persist. You might try simply focusing on the fantasy/memory etc very clearly and detaching as much as possible. Watch your pulse go up. Just absorb everything. Fairly often this process burns out the emotions. Otherwise, counseling, especially encounter group stuff, can be extremely effective. Another route is to find some cute partner who likes to bang like a bunny.
Author entityzero Posted February 5, 2009 Author Posted February 5, 2009 voldigicam yeah those all sound like good ideas and ways to let go of the painful images, ive tried absorbing the thoughts to detatch from them but its all a little raw right now. i think i can take solace in the fact i know he cant perform like i could, he's so drug ****ed most of the time anyway. and yes, therapy, im going to get some just ti try and work out what kind of person i am to invest so much of myself in someone so young and messed up... maybe im just a sucker. great idea on finding another cutie, although i am casually seeing a girl at the moment and guess what the first thing i think of when i "finish" is? yep...my ex! GET OUTTA MY HEAD!!! Aaaahh!! Thanks for your words of wisdom.
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