Will a man contact an ex if....

[Sirenz]

Will a man contact an ex if he just wants to say he's sorry? I have an ex that called to apologize for the way he handled things. He left me a voice message. I, because there are no hard feelings there, called back and left a message saying thanks, I'm over it, hope you're well.

 

He calls again, we talk for about an hour. Now I assumed that it was exactly what it appeared to be. A hi, how are you, sorry about things, and that's about it.

 

I'm now told by several others that men don't do this. They don't call just to say their sorry.

 

Anyone?

[justletgo07]

I contacted an ex recently to say I'm sorry for how I treated her and how everything went with us. I wasn't looking to reconcile. I had just been feeling so bad about how I treated her for so long, and I finally got the courage to apologize to her for what I did.

[Ramrod]

We do. Sometimes it's an attempt to manipulate you. Sometimes it's a feeling of genuine regret. Sometimes it's both. Your name isn't Jill is it?

[D-Lish]

I think some men do this- I had an ex call me and ask me to dinner after being broken up with no contact for a year and a half- he wanted to apologize for how he treated me.

 

I've done it myself also. I dated someone after I left my ex husband- and it was a rebound... I didn't treat him the way he deserved, and I reached out to him some time later to tell him I was sorry.

 

Has this contact brought back some unresolved feelings for you?

[Sirenz]

You know I'm not sure...its been a few days since his call, and the fact that I'm disappointed I haven't heard from him since then speaks volumes.

 

I had considered contacting him just a couple of weeks ago to kind of clear the air, and decided against it.

 

To be honest, at this point, I almost wish he hadn't contacted me unless he was serious about working things out. If he was, I would have expected to have heard from him again by now, but I haven't.

 

Live and learn...

[dlj]

I have the same problem. Just tonight I received the same sort of email. Let me tell you quickly what happened.

 

Last Thursday evening, we had an argument, when it was over, he had a shower, then came to me and apologized...I apologized too and we talked. I thought everything was ok. He then said no it wasn't, he had been forced out. I told him earlier to leave (he moved in with me). I told him no, I didn't mean it and I thought us apologizing and talking about it made everything ok. He said no, I've been forced out. I freaked out and said then leave now. I asked him to give me the house key and he wouldn't. He left with only one bag of work stuff cause that's all he packed.

 

On Friday, he called me around 8:30 pm and I could tell he had been drinking. He was in a cocky, arrogant mood. I asked him what he wanted. He asked if he could pick up some clothes for the weekend. I told him no at first, then told him okay, but I would call him with a time because I needed time to pack it and I wanted someone here with me when he came. He asked why we could'nt handle this like adults. I said, you're right and apologized for the way I acted, but I was hurt. He was still cocky, so I said I didn't want to talk to him like this, said goodbye and hung up. He called back at 2:30 am (he knew I was up, I'm a night-hawk). He again went on rudely asking me questions. What questions?, I can't remember cause it's a blur now. But he did get angry and tell me that he left me, I told him, no I kicked your sorry ass out. He then told me he doesn't love me and I can't hurt him. He then told me to take my rent money (I'm his accountant) and throw out his stuff, and that he didn't care if his car was banged up or scratched - he doesn't give a damn. I hung up - he was soooo rude and mean. I thought for a minute, then called him back and told him that I would put his stuff in his car (parked in my driveway) and he could pick it up at his leisure.

 

Saturday morning about 11:30 am, he showed up. Called my cell and my house phone and I didn't pick up. He then knocked at the door. I was scared of him because of the way he was speaking to me the night before so I slept in the living room so I could hear if he came in and I put a dresser (his empty dresser) in front of the main door. I also put a large handwritten sign on the door saying that he no longer had any right to enter this house. (I know.....I think I may have overeacted). Anyways, he rang the doorbell after I didn't pick up and then left. I think he read the sign. He was in his car....but took nothing. He then drove away in his work vehicle.

 

Saturday night at about 12:30 am, I texted him and told him I was sorry and that I loved him and said, please come home. About 2:30 am I sent another similiar text. Oh, I also left a voice mesage. I received no response.

 

Sunday around 5:30 pm, he comes with his brother in law, to pick up his car. I watch in the window, he looks at me twice with kind of an angry look.

 

After he drove away, about 10 minutes later, I called his cell, he didn't pick up.

 

Sunday evening, I called again, no answer. I called from a private number and he picked up and talked for a minute then hung up. He sounded sad. I asked him if he was moving on and he said no. (He is staying at his sisters and has no privacy, I think that's why he hung up). 2 minutes later, his mom calls me and while we are talking, he calls my cell, then my home number. I didn't answer cause I was talking to his mom and thought that because he was calling me I could call back and he would answer. I called him back and left a message, "Sorry I missed your call, call me back." No call back.

 

Monday, he sends me an email asking me not to talk to his family or friends. I call him (private number) he picks up - I say, Why don't you call me why email? He hangs up on me. I call 3 more times, cause I am steaming. No answer. So, I leave a message apologizing for talking to his mom.

 

Tuesday, some crazy meaningless text. You tell me what this means - "All to myself. Mmmm I like". I didn't respond.

 

Wednesday, another email - "we need to talk about this via e-mail of skype yor choice". I left this one till Thursday afternoon and responded, "Hey, sorry I missed you last night. Call me or email." and closed it with, "I miss you."

 

Thursday, another email saying, "I'm not sure how you want to deal with what we have going on, but i will let you dicide how we should work this out." I didn't respond.

 

Friday, another email - "hey I don't know what you are thinking ar if you are avoiding me but I think that we really need to work this out.

we need to figure out how and when i can get the rest of my belongings from your house."

 

"it really hurts me that we have become people that cannot even talk things over, we always jump to the worstpossable outcome and end up hurting eachother worse than we want."

 

"as I said before, for what it's worth I am sorry."

 

I haven't responded to this one either. I just received it awhile ago and am really confused. It seems like he is putting a lot of thought into these emails in order to make me confused.

 

I'm scared and I'm still really hurt. I want him back but don't know what to do.

 

Oh yeah! In one of the messages I left him on Sunday night when he wouldn't answer was, "I need some closure. I told your Mom that I can bring the rest of your stuff to her house." Now, he has that message and he knows that is an option. Why email me with that? Why not say, ok, drop it off at my Mom's like you offered?

 

PLEASE HELP ME! He's sending these crazy messages and I don't know what they mean. I love him and want him back. We have had arguments in the past (we have been together 8 1/2 years) but we always fix things in a couple of days max! I have been reading these forums and I think I'm doing the N/C or at least I'm trying. But.....do I take his things to his Moms? Do I let him come over to pick them up?

[BackonTrack2]

I have the same problem. Just tonight I received the same sort of email. Let me tell you quickly what happened.

 

Last Thursday evening, we had an argument, when it was over, he had a shower, then came to me and apologized...I apologized too and we talked. I thought everything was ok. He then said no it wasn't, he had been forced out. I told him earlier to leave (he moved in with me). I told him no, I didn't mean it and I thought us apologizing and talking about it made everything ok. He said no, I've been forced out. I freaked out and said then leave now. I asked him to give me the house key and he wouldn't. He left with only one bag of work stuff cause that's all he packed.

 

On Friday, he called me around 8:30 pm and I could tell he had been drinking. He was in a cocky, arrogant mood. I asked him what he wanted. He asked if he could pick up some clothes for the weekend. I told him no at first, then told him okay, but I would call him with a time because I needed time to pack it and I wanted someone here with me when he came. He asked why we could'nt handle this like adults. I said, you're right and apologized for the way I acted, but I was hurt. He was still cocky, so I said I didn't want to talk to him like this, said goodbye and hung up. He called back at 2:30 am (he knew I was up, I'm a night-hawk). He again went on rudely asking me questions. What questions?, I can't remember cause it's a blur now. But he did get angry and tell me that he left me, I told him, no I kicked your sorry ass out. He then told me he doesn't love me and I can't hurt him. He then told me to take my rent money (I'm his accountant) and throw out his stuff, and that he didn't care if his car was banged up or scratched - he doesn't give a damn. I hung up - he was soooo rude and mean. I thought for a minute, then called him back and told him that I would put his stuff in his car (parked in my driveway) and he could pick it up at his leisure.

 

Saturday morning about 11:30 am, he showed up. Called my cell and my house phone and I didn't pick up. He then knocked at the door. I was scared of him because of the way he was speaking to me the night before so I slept in the living room so I could hear if he came in and I put a dresser (his empty dresser) in front of the main door. I also put a large handwritten sign on the door saying that he no longer had any right to enter this house. (I know.....I think I may have overeacted). Anyways, he rang the doorbell after I didn't pick up and then left. I think he read the sign. He was in his car....but took nothing. He then drove away in his work vehicle.

 

Saturday night at about 12:30 am, I texted him and told him I was sorry and that I loved him and said, please come home. About 2:30 am I sent another similiar text. Oh, I also left a voice mesage. I received no response.

 

Sunday around 5:30 pm, he comes with his brother in law, to pick up his car. I watch in the window, he looks at me twice with kind of an angry look.

 

After he drove away, about 10 minutes later, I called his cell, he didn't pick up.

 

Sunday evening, I called again, no answer. I called from a private number and he picked up and talked for a minute then hung up. He sounded sad. I asked him if he was moving on and he said no. (He is staying at his sisters and has no privacy, I think that's why he hung up). 2 minutes later, his mom calls me and while we are talking, he calls my cell, then my home number. I didn't answer cause I was talking to his mom and thought that because he was calling me I could call back and he would answer. I called him back and left a message, "Sorry I missed your call, call me back." No call back.

 

Monday, he sends me an email asking me not to talk to his family or friends. I call him (private number) he picks up - I say, Why don't you call me why email? He hangs up on me. I call 3 more times, cause I am steaming. No answer. So, I leave a message apologizing for talking to his mom.

 

Tuesday, some crazy meaningless text. You tell me what this means - "All to myself. Mmmm I like". I didn't respond.

 

Wednesday, another email - "we need to talk about this via e-mail of skype yor choice". I left this one till Thursday afternoon and responded, "Hey, sorry I missed you last night. Call me or email." and closed it with, "I miss you."

 

Thursday, another email saying, "I'm not sure how you want to deal with what we have going on, but i will let you dicide how we should work this out." I didn't respond.

 

Friday, another email - "hey I don't know what you are thinking ar if you are avoiding me but I think that we really need to work this out.

we need to figure out how and when i can get the rest of my belongings from your house."

 

"it really hurts me that we have become people that cannot even talk things over, we always jump to the worstpossable outcome and end up hurting eachother worse than we want."

 

"as I said before, for what it's worth I am sorry."

 

I haven't responded to this one either. I just received it awhile ago and am really confused. It seems like he is putting a lot of thought into these emails in order to make me confused.

 

I'm scared and I'm still really hurt. I want him back but don't know what to do.

 

Oh yeah! In one of the messages I left him on Sunday night when he wouldn't answer was, "I need some closure. I told your Mom that I can bring the rest of your stuff to her house." Now, he has that message and he knows that is an option. Why email me with that? Why not say, ok, drop it off at my Mom's like you offered?

 

PLEASE HELP ME! He's sending these crazy messages and I don't know what they mean. I love him and want him back. We have had arguments in the past (we have been together 8 1/2 years) but we always fix things in a couple of days max! I have been reading these forums and I think I'm doing the N/C or at least I'm trying. But.....do I take his things to his Moms? Do I let him come over to pick them up?

 

 

Ok this thread has officially been hijacked.

 

a) your acting like a typical female, what do you expect?

b) Men can't mind read, how is he suppose to know if you want him back or not given the fact that you threw him out (twice), wouldn't answer his calls, sleep by the door and block it with a cabinet, then put up a sign that says "DO NOT ENTER"... WHAT ARE YOU DOING??????????? You are acting crazy...

 

In addition, someone has to STEP and put themselves out there.

 

You have to call him and say "Listen, I want to work it out, I do not want to fight anymore. I love you and I want to work it out, please come home "

 

Very simple, the END.

 

or maybe your physco and he doesn't want you, either way stop contacting his family members.

maybe you need to learn to control your temper.

[dlj]

Thanks for your response. First off, I'm not psycho, but I do loose my temper. I think that's how this all started or should I say that's why it ended the way it did. He will not answer my calls and I have left messages telling him I'm sorry (last Saturday night). Should I respond to his email and tell him that?

[BackonTrack2]

I'm the wrong person to ask for advice.

Try sedgwick, she's good or create your own thread

[dlj]

Thanks backontrack2. How do I start my own?

[BackonTrack2]

Click on this link

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/newthread.php?do=newthread&f=39

[ninjaturtles]

You know I'm not sure...its been a few days since his call, and the fact that I'm disappointed I haven't heard from him since then speaks volumes.

 

I had considered contacting him just a couple of weeks ago to kind of clear the air, and decided against it.

 

To be honest, at this point, I almost wish he hadn't contacted me unless he was serious about working things out. If he was, I would have expected to have heard from him again by now, but I haven't.

 

Live and learn...

 

Hey Sirenz!!, I had been meaning to ask this same question but never got round to do it! The exact same thing happened! He sent me an email after a year or so, apologising (Having re-added me on facebook etc, shortly before that). I have to admit that his apology gave me some hope. However he has not contacted me for about a month now. He may think I am dating someone, however the point is I wish he had not contacted me. --------------------------------------------------------------------He was extremely horrible to me after the breakup! Yet when he aplogised, I was extremely kind to him. Had I known he was only apologising (probably because he was lonely or something), I doubt I would have been so accomodating regarding his apology!!. My birthday is coming up soon, if he contacts me do I tell him to just go away for good if he has nothing substantial to say?. Do I just brush it off?. Is he trying to clear the air, in the hope of initiating contact a few months from now?. I don't want him to even think I am not over him. I am, about 80percent, however I still have about 20percent 'love" for him. What's a lady to do? (Ps- I am typing from my phone, I hope it comes our clear).

[Weird]

I tend to find people who do this to be selfish but that's just me. I have a hard time believing the average person after a break up sits there and can't live their life unless they hear their ex/the dumper say they are sorry. So doing this IMO is clearly done just to make yourself feel better not the person you're apologizing to.

 

Some guys I guess do this but IMO it is more a female thing to try and come out saving face. I think most guys who would do it are also looking to get back together while most women who may do it are simply trying to clear their conscience.

[Surfer Girl]

Guilt has a way of playing with one's emotions... An act of wanting forgiveness... Accept it and move on... Saying sorry is not always easy for someone... and perhaps it is heartfelt... Forgive the person with no expectations... Sometimes we can live a better life with forgiveness on both ends...

[ninjaturtles]

Guilt has a way of playing with one's emotions... An act of wanting forgiveness... Accept it and move on... Saying sorry is not always easy for someone... and perhaps it is heartfelt... Forgive the person with no expectations... Sometimes we can live a better life with forgiveness on both ends...

 

 

You are indeed right. I think I have forgiven him, but have not forgotten the pain. Thus, when I reminisce, I feel slightly bitter.

 

I should accept the aoplogy (and so should the author of this thread) without any expectations. Sigh.

 

I will from today but I guess the pain will completely fade away when I meet someone new. Sometimes I miss him so much, but the Ex is an Ex for a reason and now it's time to leave the past in the past. Especially as I am virtually over him (albeit a soft spot for him).

 

It is so weird, because we have not laid eyes on each other since the split. That even makes it more awkward.

 

Anyway- To the author of this thread, I totally understand how you feel. The best to do would be to keep moving on, accept he apologised (maybe he genuinely is sorry)..However accept that apology without any expectations.

 

It is hard, especially when you thought he actually regretted the breakup, as opposed to merely regretting his behaviour.

 

Well, goodluck. Sometimes life is abouting accepting that some things will never be the same. We will fall in love again, however it will be with someone new...new memories, new everything. Hard to believe, but true.

[ninjaturtles]

I tend to find people who do this to be selfish but that's just me. I have a hard time believing the average person after a break up sits there and can't live their life unless they hear their ex/the dumper say they are sorry. So doing this IMO is clearly done just to make yourself feel better not the person you're apologizing to.

 

Some guys I guess do this but IMO it is more a female thing to try and come out saving face. I think most guys who would do it are also looking to get back together while most women who may do it are simply trying to clear their conscience.

 

 

Very insightful. You are right! When my sister apologised to her ex, she did so out of guilt, not because she wanted reconciliation.

[Surfer Girl]

Perhaps it is a way to make someone feel better about themselves... Alot of breakups never get apologies.... So even if it is about making someone feel better about themselves... they still had feelings, and a conscience to want to apologize... I find the ones that don't apologize are the ones that are selfish and feel justified....

 

It may ease the soul of the one apologizing... but it doesn't always ease the one that it is hurting... The action of what happened does not go away with an apology... as the memories are real and factually, that will never go away..

 

I know I made a mistake once and I can never take it back... I apologized,... what hurt the most was the hurt I caused the other person...

[Sirenz]

Thanks all. You know the funny thing is, I think I was doing a pretty good job of accepting it for what it was...a simple apology, until...I let all the men in my life put these ideas into my head that men don't do this for a simple apology. One specifically told me, when a man is really done, he's done...this one misses you.

 

After that, I started in with the expectations. It's now Saturday and the last I heard from him was early this week. To me its pretty clear it just was what it was, and nothing more. After all, if a man really wants you...nothing will keep him from you, right? 5 days seems like a long time if someone really wanted you.

 

I did forgive him a while ago without the expectations. Now, unfortunately I have, or rather, had them, but I'm coming around now to realizing those expectations will be unfulfilled, and I need to let it go. *sigh*

 

I will say that I agree with the poster that suggested this kind of call to apologize is more of a woman thing. It's totally something I would do, without having feelings of reconciling if I had really hurt someone. A man on the other hand...I also tend to agree wouldn't be as likely to do this unless he had ulterior motives. Unless...they've had a really sh*tty way to go and think the only way out of it is to make amends for past behavior.

 

I dunno...I still love him, plain and simple, but I won't attempt to force him to be somewhere he really doesn't want to be. There's someone out there who would give their major organs to be where he was/is.