IcemanJB Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 I'd like mostly female responses from this, but maybe if a guy has substantial experience with the question, he can answer too. When a girl says "I don't want a relationship right now.", does it ever NOT mean "I don't want a relationship with YOU right now." ? It seems every time that line is used, it's just that she doesn't want the current relationship. I've heard friends of mine that were broken up with this line, and the girl was seeing someone else within a month later. My current ex said it to me about 3 weeks after we broke up; before that all she did was cry and say she couldn't say exactly why she needed to blah blah blah. I mean she's young (20 in a month), heavy classload, likes to go out with the girls A LOT etc. but those are just excuses IMO. It's been 4 months and she isn't seeing anyone (lots of mutual friends so inevitably I hear everything)...so I thought this was a good question. I haven't talked to her in over 2 months after doing NC with her and I'm doing really well, it's just the analytical/curious/scientist side of me that wants to ask this question. Does a girl ever TRULY not want to be tied down? Or are they hard-wired to have a continual need to be with someone?
Squirtal Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 Hi Iceman I can't speak for all women, but I have said it myself and it means, "not with you" even though I genuinely thought I meant I wasn't ready for a relationship, But then someone came along and I was ready for a relationship with him. Do I make sense or is that all tongue twisty.
Author IcemanJB Posted January 29, 2009 Author Posted January 29, 2009 That makes sense. That's kind of what I figured.
Geishawhelk Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 People take incompatibility quite hard, because they assume that it means the person doesn't like them. That's not the case. Very often, as Squirtal says, a person genuinely doesn't want to enter into anything, and then someone comes along, and there's a click..... but it doesn't mean you're not liked, it just means the 'click' didn't..... click. we can't ever hope to be compatible with everyone we go out with. Compatibility is a moveable feast, a quality built on shifting sands.... what tickles our fancy one day, gets on our nerves the next. It's all good, if you remember that.
Author IcemanJB Posted January 29, 2009 Author Posted January 29, 2009 Don't be sorry, I'm glad people can just answer honestly. I hate it when people sweeten everything and beat around the bush. I mean there's the ups and downs, but I'm doing better and I'll be ok. It's sort of a hit to the ego, you know? I don't regret anything I ever did to/with her, so it's all very baffling. But what's done is done.
Template Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 I think it's such a cliche' line that gals and guys uses it as a crutch to get out of a relationship in the simplest non-hurtful way. I've known many women that used that line - some really meant they didn't want to be in a relationship of any sort, and some really meant "not with YOU". Conversely, I've seen it happen where they fully intended what they meant, but then a couple weeks later, found THE ONE, and of course vice versa. I think we should just take it like it really is.... IT OVER, then move on.
Squirtal Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 I think the worst line used is "its not you its me". I've had it used on me and refused to use it myself..my response was always "Thats not true, because if it wasn't me we wouldn't split up" I've had friends asking me how to break up with people and I have always stressed to never use that line. I think it should be honest answers..straight down the line, because for me, its not getting the questions answered and never knowing what happened and what went wrong. Used to drive me mad. Iceman, it will get easier as time moves on..and its great that you have no regrets. All relationships, good or bad set us up for our life partners and I believe that its all about learning. hugs.
Author IcemanJB Posted January 29, 2009 Author Posted January 29, 2009 I would probably burst into laughter if a girl said to me "it's not you, it's me." That line is almost like a joke now! It already has gotten easier. I'm way past the point of the the breakup affecting other aspects of my life; and I feel stronger and smarter after this. I actually went on a date with a long lost childhood friend, who happens to be a model (!) earlier this week; I'm not into her, but I mean it's a step. Now that I really think about it, my ex and I are VERY different people. I've never had chemistry that strongly before, but we're just not very compatible. Thanks for the help everyone.
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