The first few days...

[Rachael.]

(Sorry for the essay!)

 

Ok so its my first day of a break up on a one year relationship, so i'm not feeling too good, probably not the best thing but I couldn't face college today, I wouldn't have done anywork, I didn't sleep well & I couldn't bare the though of seeing him & not going near him. Also my first love (Still is ).

I'm not an argumentative person, we didn't argue once. Never needed to. There was nothing he didn't like me doing & vice versa. So all the sites saying do all the things you couldn't / think about all those arguments & remeber his bad points, not for me.

 

The reason: Work was getting too much & if he didn't do the best he could for his future then he'll hate himself for it (Which i get cause we're both aiming for competative careers) but then he said it was due to all this that he fell out of love with me because i guess i was a distraction, not my fault & we wern't exactly joined at the hip to each other. But he said he can't commit to anything in his life properly right now & he needs to focus on himself. That was the hardest day of my life so far saying goodbye to him then..

 

Sucks. =(

 

But yeh thats my story post yours if you need to vent.

 

Also how did you all cope with your first few days / weeks?

 

I'm making myself go into college tomorrow, my friends will be there break & lunch but not so much in the lessons so theyre gonna be hard.

 

Im just kind of wallowing at the moment (probably not the best thing to be doing), like crying & thinking of how weird it is that he'll never like hold me ever again, or how he's just not going to be in my life like anymore, we want to be friends but im not speaking to him untill im over him. Lost my appetite too, but i'll force down some toast later.

 

I woke up this morning feeling perfectly fine, i love the bit right after sleep but then slowly the "lump" in your chest returns & the sad thoughts come rushing in.

 

Also, we share a hobby-its how we met- & i'm not giving that up & i don't expect him to either but going there is going to be awkward, we also worked together or with the same people, im going to skip this weeks because i couldnt stand the though of him not being there or me having to pair off with someone else but him.

 

Im having a girly night at the weekend when mums away so im not alone thatll be good, my friend got dumped from a three year realtionship the day before so we're there for each other (:

 

But yeh at the moment just feeling depressed, lonely, dunno what to do with myself & the day is just dragggggging on..

 

I know things will get better eventually but i'm slightly in denial & dont want to move on from him, guess that'll pass too...It better

[entityzero]

Hey Rachael im really sorry to hear your story and for the loss..

The best few things you can do in the first day or two in my experience are:

1. Accept that the feelings will probably get worse before they get better (harsh but if you accept it it will make it easier)

2. Prepare to go through a wide range of emotions

3. Talk to your friends and family as much as possible

4. DO NOT blame yourself for what has happened

5. Try to keep as busy as possible, goto college, hang out etc

6. Watch a lot of comedy TV shows and movies

7. Even if you dont eat, drink lots of water

8. Remember that you are awesome and the first love is NEVER the last, i promise!

 

I lost my girl a few months back and some advice on how to cope with the first few days would of saved me alot of pain.

Im still hurting but learning that its not the end of the world, i remember losing my first love years ago and I always thought id never love again, this is just NOT true!

Hang in there, follow those steps and whatever else makes you feel comfortable!

Good luck!!! xox

[EmperorR]

don't contact her, post on here, keep busy. I know how it feels I went to work the day after bit I couldn't concentrate and went home.

 

Anything you want to tell your ex say it here

[sad_panda]

I did nothing but cry during the first week. I wallowed in my pain and let it all out. I cried whenever I felt like it. I cried in private and in public. I cried in my bedroom and at my desk in my office. I listened to the saddest love songs too. I figured that there was no use running away and pretending to be strong when my world was falling apart.

 

I also talked about the breakup to anyone who would listen (except for common friends who I made sure wouldn't hear anything about the breakup from me).

 

The temptation to contact my ex was maddeningly strong, but I resisted all the urge to do so. I just didn't want my ex to pity me. It was bad enough he dumped me, but no way in hell would I give him the chance to pity me.

 

After I was all cried out, I struggled to get things back to normal. It was a very slow process, and even now I'm still struggling a bit. But time does heal.

[techfan]

Hang out with good friends and talk about it.... get it all out.... bottling it up just hurts more. Be open and call family and talk to them about it too. Try not to think about the past, i know its hard not to. Go for a run to get some aggression/confusion out. Go to the gym. Just get out into the open....

 

breathe deeply and keep telling yourself "i will survive."

[Dlyrica]

1. Do NOT contact him.

2. Stay BUSY!!! (I don't know what hobby you shared but maybe you could find somewhere else to do it??)

3. If at all possible, do not visit your old 'haunts.' What I mean by that is stay away from the places that strongly remind you of him. They will only hurt you trust me.

4. When my boyfriend and I broke up I just tried(and still try) to stay as positive as possible. Although I get sad and nostalgic often, I try to tell myself that I was lucky for experiencing those kinds of things rather than mourning our relationship.

5. You WILL love again! You do not know what the future holds for you. Maybe once you both finish college you will find each other again but most likely you will find someone who is sooo much more compatible for you. Chin up!

6. Hang out with friends as often as possible. I actually try NOT to talk about my ex but if you need to then go for it.

 

You will get through this!

[Rachael.]

Thanks for the tips guys

 

First day nearlly up, kept myself busy with DVD boxsets of Scrubs & crappy online games

 

But i've vented out to a friend which has been good (: .

 

Definalty resisting the urge to contact him, i have closure so theres no confusion which is good, & the girly night in i have planned on saturday is hopefully going to be ace (Choco fountains & High caffeine drinks!..no alcohol for me atm).

[Rachael.]

Ok now i reeeaaaaaaallly want to contact him, i need to know how he's coping! its killing me having no idea, but i don't know if i want to find out..The typical thing i guess, huge huge part of me wants him to be totally upset, tiny tiny bit wants him to be happy..not too happy though..

I'm resisting...Just...

Its slowly hitting me, i thought about him in my head as "ex" today for the first time that was weird didn't feel right ):

Think im slightly in denial still though...Just miss him

 

Guess i'm rambling on here to help me stop emailing him

[Cdubb]

Keep resisting!! If he want's you he will come back. If you contact him you could end up where I am right now, over 3 months after the breakup, miserable! I contacted her today. Hang in there. Start with no contact today!

[awesomeallalone]

hey..... i remember the first days the denial is horrible... it will slowly start to hit you so hold on its not going to be good when it hits.... you can do it though.... after the denial passes things will start to look up.... im 3 weeks in and it still hurts but nothing like the first days that was horrible.... stay nc thats the best thing you can do!!! good luck!

[Rachael.]

Thanks guys (:

Feeling better today..Did that thing where you write all your ramblings on a bit of paper & it actually helped, it like makes you reorganise your thoughts & things.

 

How do you go about giving their stuff back?

Nothing of mine is at his but i've got loads of his stuff, I want to give it back because its just their, bothering me thinking "Thats not mine anymore..It doesn't belong in this house". << (Guess that means denials going which is good, today was a good day (: )

 

 

Ohh & I don't want to do the thing where you just burn it or throw it out lol, so don't say that =p

[Dlyrica]

I mean you just give it back..go take it to them or get them to come pick it up. If you don't want to deal with seeing them then see if one of your friends could take it to them or one of his friends can pick it up. Personally, I told my ex to keep it...I honestly don't even know what I left at his house.

[Rachael.]

I'll give his stuff back soon proabably he said he wants it back, he'll have to make the effort I've stuck it away & its not bothering me any more.

 

Saw him today at college & basically like just burst into tears-it hit me, I think he saw but ohh well

 

I'm reaching "The anger stage" & this is actually really annoying, I want to send him an email calling him a selfish tw*t who runs away at the first sign of trouble, & want to tell him he knows nothing of hwat he put me through & all I want to do is punch him in the face so he feels some kinda pain (does that sound crazy much?) I probably shouldn't I guess.

[Thunder bay]

You just have to stay strong.