BreakTheWalls Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 Hey guys. I'm new here, i think you may know the reasons why :-P I've read this board...for the past few hours...and it's really made me think. but i'm not all the way there yet. Fell in love with a girl. She loved me as well. It was true, it was genuine. We weren't only lovers but great, great friends. We were friends before lovers. Well, something happened and she left me for another guy...within a few days. Must have gotten bored. I played the sap. We sent emails back and forth for a little bit. They weren't very productive. I then apologized for changing. Then I realized I wasn't ready to let go, and practically begged for her back. She cried, I cried, we talked, she said it was too hard for her to let me go. But in the end, she did, and now she is with another man. I haven't talked to her for a few days. But I apologized for pleading with her and wished her luck with her new man...i screwed it up by begging. She said she still wants me in my life, that my friendship was invaluable to her. I believe her...she seems like she's telling the truth, as much as I still doubt it. She said...we had a special connection. We had gone through some difficulties together. We had history. That she wouldn't want to give that up, but feels as though a relationship wouldn't work with me...or at least, she isn't ready to jump back into a relationship with me. She'd rather take the chance with her new man. I don't know what to do from here. It's just starting to hit me that it's over, and she's gone. It's a feeling that's both bad and good...it hurts bad. But I know times will get better, as I've been through this before. This girl was just really, really special to me. Both as a friend and a lover. I want her to come back to me, but I realize she probably won't. I do want to be friends with her, as she was special as a friend too. I THINK she was being true about that part but i can't be positive...she sounded very true. She's stubborn and i don't believe she would have wasted her time "working" things out with me, staying with me on the phone, respecting my closure, if she didn't respect me as a friend. I'd think to justify her guilt in what she did, but again...she seemed so genuine, even when i accused her of that. So i'm just confused...i'm hurt, and i can't think straight. Do I keep no contact forever, until she contacts me in whether she wants to be friends again? Or try again? Because by then if she didn't contact me it wouldn't be worth it, or i wouldn't want to get back together, or i'd be in a position of power, and I am currently friends with some ex's and it's not bad at all. She makes a great friend, and I don't want to lose that. I also have a few things of hers, she might simply just contact me for those. Honestly, I don't know. I guess I just want to know what to do. I've been reading a few messages off this board...and they've helped...and i thank you for that. I don't know what I want right now, and I know it takes time, I just want a nod in the right direction. I know NC seems to be the way to go for all of you. But I still think I want to keep in contact with this girl...we make amazing friends. We have amazing conversations. If i was completely over her, would it work? She said she'll always love me and think about me, and i will be a part of her. Though i've heard that before... Just to go over all my options: Would she possibly want me back, once she's done with this new guy? Would I even want her back? Is this guy a rebound? That shouldn't matter, though...but i feel as though it does. If i really did have a great friends connection with this girl, would it be worth it to be friends again? I doubt she would call ever...or do any of the things she said she would...and i have a few reasons why my doubt would be true. It would just be nice to reconnect with someone you care about. No matter what the situation, i let her contact me first, right? And then go from there...after all, if she doesn't want me, i can't change that. And am I right in assuming if she wanted to be friends, she would contact me? I'm confused about that because we left off on our last note as whenever i'm ready, talk to her again. I admit, my intentions of no contact at first were to make her miss me. I really, really hope it does, i hope she attempts to come back to me...but i may not take her. I won't know right now. Recovery is a long, slow, and painful process. But it opens your eyes, makes you see the world in a different way...i'm sad. So, so sad. But i'm so, so happy I had the opportunity to share the times I did with this girl. It hurts more than it ever has before, especially to think that a new man is getting the best of her. But I thank her for loving me so good. One day it won't hurt anymore. Until then, I can only go to sleep each night knowing that it's one day less I have to suffer, one day less that I have to feel this way. One day i'll wake up and i won't turn over, trying to dig my face into her wonderful smelling hair...on that day I won't wake up feeling sad because she's gone. Gone.
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