fallendisguise Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 Question for you guys (and gals that can share past experiences)... If you've been seeing someone for 2 months and have been sexually involved with them for the last few weeks, how would you act/treat her? How often would you call, want to get together, etc.? Basically, how would you act if you were interested vs. not interested..... Guys often say that women are confusing and complicated. I find that to be true about men, too! They are JUST as hard to read!! Thanks for sharing!
boldjack Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 All depends on the ol' chemistry, If it's there and I 'm thinking relationship, I will treat her as a SO. If it isn't, I'm gone. 2 mos. are usually enough to know.
I'm Joe Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 So your Boning down, but you cant read him.... It could be that his interest in you is largley sexual..... Try being unwaveringly straight forward...something like this... "I'm not exactly sure where this relationship is, or is going. I feel like this about it. what do you want out of this?" Just avoid the dance all together and go right for the throat. if he backs off then as much as it might hurt, let him go.
Author fallendisguise Posted January 29, 2009 Author Posted January 29, 2009 I'm Joe - thanks for the reply. I can't read him because he's kind of shy and a little bit reserved. He hasn't ever had a serious relationship, so I wonder if that's because he hasn't met anyone he's really into or because he doesn't open up. He has said it is mainly due to him wanting to pursue his dreams in life. Which I think is great, you shouldn't hold yourself back for someone. We talk just about everyday. He usually initiates the convo and asks how my day is, how work is, etc. If I call and he's busy, he always gets back to me. We make plans to hang out about once or twice a week. So on paper it seems like he does, but I still have my doubts. I like him, but he doesn't do anything to show it I guess. Or is the amount of communication supposed to be the proof? LOL. I'm not sure that I'm comfortable asking where this is at because I don't want to scare him off. I'm not looking to jump into a relationship right away. I would like for things to take their natural course, but at the same time don't want to get 6 months down the road and really be into him while he's not that into me.
burningashes Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 Be blunt and ask him where he sees this going. If he says he doesn't see this developing into a relationship, let him go. I understand how you want this to take its course naturally, but I personally think it's a dangerous route to take without asking questions. You need to ask questions to ensure you both are on the same page, or else someone is going to get hurt down the road because of different expectations. Say that you aren't looking to jump into a relationship right away either, but that you would like to date him eventually when you both feel the time is right.
jen's mind Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 Guys often say that women are confusing and complicated. I find that to be true about men, too! They are JUST as hard to read!! Thanks for sharing! I couldn't agree more! I'm in a similar situation, so I'm interested in what the guys have to say about this. It's difficult to try to find a balance between finding clarity and projecting expectations. Guys do seem to be very self-protective at these critical relationship junctures. From my perspective, it sounds like things are progressing between you two reasonably well. He's keeping consistent, regular contact with you when you're not together... surely that's a good sign. What are you looking for from him? Is it really something that you need to obtain for yourself? It's somewhat relieving to know that others go through this same sort of critical review. I swear, I wouldn't be such an overthinker if men were just a bit more forthcoming with their thoughts and, dare I say it, emotions.
movingonandon Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 You girls need to relax a little. What's with the "Where's this relationship going?" paraonia? Where "this relarionship is going" is ONLY a function if a couple has fun together and develop trust etc. - if these things are present and build yup, things naturally will progress towards a relationship. Other than that, all that strategizing and calculating is completely pointless, and will only scare a guy away, even if "this relationship" is slowly growing on him. I'm in a similar situation, and thankfully with a sane enough girl to understand all this. We've been together 3-4 months, get along well, maybe somehting more will develop, maybe not, but nobody is getting all paranoid about it.
confused_2008 Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 I'm Joe - thanks for the reply. I can't read him because he's kind of shy and a little bit reserved. He hasn't ever had a serious relationship, so I wonder if that's because he hasn't met anyone he's really into or because he doesn't open up. He has said it is mainly due to him wanting to pursue his dreams in life. Which I think is great, you shouldn't hold yourself back for someone. We talk just about everyday. He usually initiates the convo and asks how my day is, how work is, etc. If I call and he's busy, he always gets back to me. We make plans to hang out about once or twice a week. So on paper it seems like he does, but I still have my doubts. I like him, but he doesn't do anything to show it I guess. Or is the amount of communication supposed to be the proof? LOL. I'm not sure that I'm comfortable asking where this is at because I don't want to scare him off. I'm not looking to jump into a relationship right away. I would like for things to take their natural course, but at the same time don't want to get 6 months down the road and really be into him while he's not that into me. If he's anything like me, he just might not really know all of the little things he could be doing to show you he cares and might not want to come on too strong. If he's never really been in a relationship, he might not know what to do. He seems to care about you and always gets back to you promptly which shows at the very least respect. I'd say just relax for a while and he'll learn from you how to be attentive and show that he's into you.
Still Trying Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 Question for you guys (and gals that can share past experiences)... If you've been seeing someone for 2 months and have been sexually involved with them for the last few weeks, how would you act/treat her? How often would you call, want to get together, etc.? Basically, how would you act if you were interested vs. not interested..... Guys often say that women are confusing and complicated. I find that to be true about men, too! They are JUST as hard to read!! Thanks for sharing! Feel it out. We're all humans and scared of making common mistakes. Maybe he doesn't want to come off too strong. Reach out to him and see the response, what is it? Little, nothing, something? Go from there. If he never initiates contact that's a pretty good sign that he's not really into you.
jen's mind Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 You girls need to relax a little. What's with the "Where's this relationship going?" paraonia? Where "this relarionship is going" is ONLY a function if a couple has fun together and develop trust etc. - if these things are present and build yup, things naturally will progress towards a relationship. Other than that, all that strategizing and calculating is completely pointless, and will only scare a guy away, even if "this relationship" is slowly growing on him. I'm in a similar situation, and thankfully with a sane enough girl to understand all this. We've been together 3-4 months, get along well, maybe somehting more will develop, maybe not, but nobody is getting all paranoid about it. Okay, I'm sure you didn't mean to imply that any of the posters to this thread aren't "sane enough." No one mentioned strategizing or calculating, and it's because that isn't what this is about. The OP is trying to feel out where things are at presently, not where they're going. The early stages of a relationship can be the most touchy, and when sex gets added to the equation the picture can become very, very muddy. Seeking some clarity is reasonable and healthy, no? Thinking and wondering don't always reflect paranoia. Thinking can reflect thoughtfulness. Wondering can reflect a desire to know someone better.
clv0116 Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 The early stages of a relationship can be the most touchy' date=' and when sex gets added to the equation the picture can become very, very muddy. Seeking some clarity is reasonable and healthy, no?[/quote'] I'm not sure I see the point. Rather I should say the point of those questions (Where is this going?) seems to be to prod a man into a verbal commitment, much like the way a good salesman will ask for your initials on a non-legally binding document. It's an effective compliance technique.
You'reasian Posted February 1, 2009 Posted February 1, 2009 Question for you guys (and gals that can share past experiences)... If you've been seeing someone for 2 months and have been sexually involved with them for the last few weeks, how would you act/treat her? How often would you call, want to get together, etc.? Basically, how would you act if you were interested vs. not interested..... Guys often say that women are confusing and complicated. I find that to be true about men, too! They are JUST as hard to read!! Thanks for sharing! I would definitely show interest in her, maybe call her in the evenings. That's just natural for me. If she expressed that she wasn't as interested in me - whether gaming or not - I'd move on. Straight and simple.
Author fallendisguise Posted February 3, 2009 Author Posted February 3, 2009 Thank you all so much for the advice. I have a bit to add since last time... not sure if it complicates things or not. So we went out this weekend and had a great time. I had the mind set to just see how it goes and maybe give it a little more time before feeling things out. WELL... we met up with his friends after our date and one of them (who I get along with really well and we kind of have our own little friendship) asked if I really liked the guy I'm seeing. I said I liked him, but I was taking it easy since I wasn't too sure how he felt about the whole thing. His friend then basically told me that the guy is a simple guy and focused on his career. He's just looking for a girl to have fun with and that if I was looking for a relationship that he's probably not my guy. So I jokingly added that I needed to let him loose then. He then started asking if I wanted a relationship and I pretty much said I wasn't looking for one right now, but if things headed that way that would be cool, but that I also didn't want to get burned. Immediately after our convo (he's a bit tipsy), he goes and tells the guy that I really like him and want to be with him!!! Disaster! LOL. So I, of course, felt like I had to explain. I told him what happened and that I wasn't looking for anything, but also don't want to get down the road and get hurt either. I suggested that maybe we kick things down a notch. I'll admit I was a little bummed about what the friend said and felt there was some truth in it since the guy really hasn't had a relationship. I'm not going to kid myself and think I'm the exception. So his reply to that was "don't listen to him, he's drunk." Then the next morning when we're laying in bed cuddling he brought it up and I said again that I thought maybe it was a good I idea to take a step back. Again he said "don't listen to a drunk guy." Not exactly a "I like you, he doesn't know what he's talking about" that I was kind of hoping for. His friend called me shortly after and asked if we wanted to meet up for breakfast, so we did and that went well also. But for now, I've decided to back off. I haven't called since. Is that the smart thing to do? (The sane chic thing to do... haha jk!)
stillafool Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 I don't think it was smart to go out with his friend if you want a relationship with him. Why did you tell his friend you weren't looking for a relationship with this guy when you are? Just be honest about what you want.
movingonandon Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 ^^ That's the spirit. See him if you want, but it would not be smart to put any major effort in the relationship at this point unless he comes around with more tangible sighs of reassurance. Certainly don't shut down completely, but it's ok to be ambivalent, if for no other reason but self protection. The trick is to have fun regardless, while sorting out the final decision.
Author fallendisguise Posted February 3, 2009 Author Posted February 3, 2009 Stillafool, I didn't go out with one of his friends. I wouldn't do something like that. I was trying to say that the guy I'm seeing and myself met up with his friends and that I am becoming friends (just friends) with one of his friends. Movingonandon - Thanks! I guess this is one of those "don't cut off your nose to spite your face" scenarios.
stillafool Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 Oh I see. I misread your post. When you said "we" I thought you meant you and his friend. Glad to hear you didn't.
jen's mind Posted February 6, 2009 Posted February 6, 2009 ^^ That's the spirit. See him if you want, but it would not be smart to put any major effort in the relationship at this point unless he comes around with more tangible sighs of reassurance. Certainly don't shut down completely, but it's ok to be ambivalent, if for no other reason but self protection. The trick is to have fun regardless, while sorting out the final decision. This strikes me as incredibly sound advice, well-applied to your situation. (I'm going to apply it to mine, too!)
moman Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 Any guy who uses the career excuse isn't that interested in you. I'd stop talking to him, don't call, don't act interested. If he calls, tell him No. If he really does like you at this time he will reconsider, else the truth will be seen.
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