bostonrick Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 It's been a few years since I've been in the dating game, so I need some refreshers if some of you can be so kind. Started seeing a girl early this month - we are only a few dates in which happen once a week or so. I've known her for a few years previously as an acquaintance / friend. There seems to be pretty good chemistry, at least from what I've seen so far [and i'm trying not to be presumptuous]. My goal [in general] is a LTR, whether it works it out with her or future girls and I'm not the type to fool around. Just three quick questions...and some background on my end for my thinking. Looking forward to hear y'all's opinions. 1. How often do you guys usually call between dates to balance seeming needy vs. showing interest? Background: I've been sticking to 1-2x a week (inclusive of the call to schedule the next date)...calls last between 10-30 minutes each. In addition there is usually an e-mail or a text every day or two days going back and forth. I'm not a big phone person (prefer face-to-face) and hate dead air, but realize a certain level of contact is important. Plus I like her so far. I realize this frequency can step up if we end up exclusive and really like eachother, but what's normal for now? 2. Valentine's Day is coming up. If we are still seeing eachother at that time, it will probably be 4-6 dates in. What's expected and what's too much for this occasion at this stage? Background: For me, gift-giving is out of the question and too early. Made early reservations at a $40-50/person restaurant with a romantic ambiance to beat the V-day reservation rush just in case. Is this too much? [i have not told her anything - this is solely to cover my ass so I at least have an idea of a date set] 3. What kind of reciprocation to expect in terms of a) her calling me to say hi and b) planning dates? Background: For now, me initiating contact 100% of the time is fine since I am pursuing and only a few dates in. At what stage should I start to suspect that the girl is not interested or maybe not up to snuff communication-wise if I am not seeing reciprocation in a) calls/texts and b) planning dates. I don't feel I'm a needy guy, but eventually I can't give and give and give b/c I'll run out of love if I can't don't get any back =P Thanks, Rick
Still Trying Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 Seems like you're doing everything just fine. I don't think a fancy VDay date is out of the question and you're right, a gift, unless very small, would be too soon IMO. I find it a little questionable that she never initiates your phone conversations though. Does she initiate any contact at all? Or are you doing all of it? After a few weeks I wouldn't be OK with that, but that's just me and obviously I'm sensitive and needy. I
Author bostonrick Posted January 29, 2009 Author Posted January 29, 2009 She doesn't initiate any calls, but she has sent maybe 1 or 2 texts over the past few weeks without me initiating. I'm not worrying about it just yet... Also the first few calls we've had were fairly functional ...only recently have we started to have more substantive calls that weren't just the [set a date + obligatory/awkward smalltalk] variety.
Ramrod Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 I'm 45 hoss, so given the fact most of my prospects are divorced, overweight and man-hungry, conventional dating-wisdom is evaluated on a case by case basis, but I would think she could call you more often, or vice-versa. Why restrict yourself? A couple of words of wisdom to share, if she does her own nails, washes her own car at one of those quarter automated car-wash places and buys her shoes at pay-less on BOGO day sales, she's a keeper.
Author bostonrick Posted January 29, 2009 Author Posted January 29, 2009 Then by your standards, I'd say she's a keeper.
Author bostonrick Posted January 29, 2009 Author Posted January 29, 2009 Any other opinions on the questions before I let this thread die? Bump!
LavendarGirl Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 Sounds like you are keeping your phone conversations short and simple just to arrange your next date. Since you two aren't chatty on the phone and you're pretty regular about calling to set up a date, I'm not surprised she's not calling you on the phone. Not saying it's a good or a bad sign, just you don't have the phone chat dynamic going on. Her not reciprocating on setting up dates isn't a sign in itself that she's not interested. It's when you call and she doesn't answer, and then doesn't get back to you, and when she can't confirm a date with you or starts cancelling out on you...those are the signs she's not interested. If you'd like her to call you, say something (like, "hey, feel free to call me during the week if you'd like") and suggest it ONLY if you are going to be willing to chat with her on the phone.
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