lovinlife432 Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 my boyfriend and i have been together almost 3 years, and our relationship has been quite a rollercoaster ride. we are, however, very committed to one another. or so i thought. the last month or so has been very strange. we used to hang out almost everyday, and at least call one another to say hi once a day. but now, i feel as though if i didn't call him i'd probably never speak to him again. i even conducted a little experiment and didn't call him for a few days. surely enough he didn't call me. finally on the 3rd day he did... to borrow a book of mine... NOT to ask how i was doing, make plans, etc. i'm starting to get ridiculously frustrated. i'll send him a text asking what he's up to, or asking if he wants to grab dinner, then he won't respond for several hours, and then i'll call later to find out that he's out with people or over at a friends (this has become a nightly ritual). when i do call he's usually quick to invite me out but i then end up feeling like i'm imposing. If I hang out with him he's usually very nice to me, but if I don't I usually don't hear from him until the next day via an "i love you" text message. i just wish he'd start calling me first, at least once in awhile, before his friends. we rarely spend any alone time together anymore, unless its for sex at the end of the night (which has also become more rare). he just seems so tied up in his own life that i'm no longer a part of i don't know what to do to get him to WANT to spend more time with me, or at least show a little interest in my existence. am i overreacting? should i talk with him? i don't know what to do and i'm exhausted. thanks guys!
Miss Ting Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 He's probably just too comfortable and doesn't realize he's slipping. It definitely sucks though. No one wants to be with someone who doesn't seem to actually want to "be" with them (hang out, etc). Don't kick him to the curb before you talk to him and give him an opportunity to (1) become aware of it and how it makes you feel and (2) by making a good faith effort to correct it, IF that's what he wants to do. If nothing changes after you confront him about it, THEN you can begin to think about how much more you deserve and make a decision. Good luck!
bean1 Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 i don't know what to do to get him to WANT to spend more time with me, or at least show a little interest in my existence. am i overreacting? should i talk with him? i don't know what to do and i'm exhausted. thanks guys! Yes! Talk to him! It sounds as if the relationship has run its course and he has already checked out. After all, do you consider this to be a relationship anymore? It doesn't appear to be. Sorry. This is common for many people - they are too scared to "break up" so they withdraw, hoping the other person will do the dirty deed and break it off. It's a coward's way out. It's hard, I went through the exact same thing and it hurts (3 years, same distancing at the end). You can't make someone care.
dreamergrl Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 How are you feeling about the relationship? The same as when things are good, like do you still love him just as much? Do you feel just as devoted inside, or are you just going through the motions of trying?
Author lovinlife432 Posted January 30, 2009 Author Posted January 30, 2009 i still feel totally committed to him, and i love him more than anything, but it's gotten to the point where i feel like i'm trying a lot harder than he is and it's exhausting. like i said, he still tells me he loves me and still talks about our "future" together, but things just aren't the same. i'm going to try to talk to him tonight but he's very difficult to talk to sometimes so i'm a little worried. ugh!
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