signedin2008 Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 Aren't you ever ashame of yourself? Does anyone whom you respect such as your parents, siblings, aunt, uncle know about your mistress status? Do they know that you continuous sleeping with a married man who has a wife and kids at home?
NoIDidn't Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 Granted, Im not a wife or mother, but I like to think I have that potential. I see no reason why a woman cant be both madonna and whore, if you will. A person should not give up their identity as a woman, as a romantic partner, just because they become a wife and mother. He obviously told himself when he got married that these roles are seperate, but he was fooling himself. he's admitted it before...."i married W because she felt comfortable, like home. And she's a good mom". Not, "because I was in love" or "because she's beautiful" or "because we had such a great time together" or "she makes me laugh". No...."because she felt comfortable and she's been a good mom". You underestimate the importance of "felt like home" for a man. This is HUGE to them. Most men are aware that one day they may face a slow down in sexual desire and desirability, so they (sometimes) marry a woman that feels like home. I agree the roles could be found in the same woman, but he obviously has accepted separating the roles. Just seems to me that a marriage shouldn't have to choose between the two elements of the complex.....but people often fool themselves into thinking they can live without something....and then they're not totally happy....and end up cheating for four years. I'd like to think that when I get married one day, despite stress, kids, etc, I'd make that effort to keep a relationship with my husband. It doesnt take much to take ten minutes at the end of the day when the kids are asleep to take a shower, crawl into bed with your husband, and just enjoy each other. It really doesn't People who blame a lack of passion or love in their marriage on kids and stress are making excuses. My own mom told me once that, despite it all, if there were some things to do over again, one of them would have been to not ignore my dad so much once the kids starting being born because she felt that they stopped paying attention to each other and made it all about us. A man and wife, they are human beings, they aren't reproduction machines....right? I don't know about you, but I want more than 10 minutes. After a long hard day of anything, 10 minutes is too quick. But I get what you mean - it doesn't take that long to really refocus and enjoy your partner. Don't use what your mother said to judge his marriage. Your mother was talking about her part in HER marriage. This can't be put onto another woman when you are busy sleeping with HER husband. And people who blame kids and stress and whatever for lack of passion in their marriage do so because they are afraid to blame themselves or their partner for it, IMO. Lack of passion is not the fault of one or the other. Its the fault of both. MM has your opinion of his W so jaded you think she's dull just from speaking with her over the phone a time or two. I wish I could make him see and acknowledge this stuff about himself. I know no one will believe me, but even if it meant he ended up with his wife, this is how I know I do love him....I really would like him to be happy. If he came and told me that he had worked things out with his wife and he was genuinly happy now and they worked on things, I'd accept it eventually. I would be upset, but I'd know that he's staying with her because he is in love with her. Right now I don't think he is, and that upsets me, I guess....that I can't be with him , and that he's not even in love with her. Is this the main reason you hang in there with him? Hoping that he will see that he's not in love with his W based on your assumptions about the situation?
Author KismetGirl Posted January 30, 2009 Author Posted January 30, 2009 Aren't you ever ashame of yourself? Does anyone whom you respect such as your parents, siblings, aunt, uncle know about your mistress status? Do they know that you continuous sleeping with a married man who has a wife and kids at home? You keep asking me the same question over and over. Most of my friends, my sisters, and even my parents and a couple aunts know about my relationship with MM. They don't know every dirty detail, but they know me and him have had a "fling" of sorts for quite some time now, and they know I care for him very much. They know me better than anyone here and they don't judge me. They don't like the situation, obviously, but they dont' pass judgement and morality without even knowing him. If I one day ended up with him , however unliekly that is, they would give him a chance even if they knew his history on how I met him because they are amazing people who love me and give people a chance to prove themselves, even if they've made mistakes. They dont like the situation, Im sure, because they dont want me to get hurt, but they know Im a good hearted person otherwise. Im sure they are just hoping I get over it soon, but they aren't going to call me names or disown me. I'm a grown woman and I make my own decisions. Im very close with the people I love and see no reason to hide this from them. They offer me advice and support without being judgemental, which is exactly why I love them. My mother said , while she didn't think it's a good thing to do to cheat, that she understands the reasons people do it, that at least he's so far made the decision to stay where his children are because they are all so small. My father cheated on my mother after 11 years of marriage and three kids together. If she can look at me and MM with an open mind and a sense of understanding, despite not liking the situation, I don't see why anyone else here, including you, can't do the same. So, let's see how many more times you ask me if Im ashamed. I've already told you Im horrible and a wench. If I called myself a whore would that make you happy? I tried reporting you to moderators and they've done nothing and I admit its very hard to ignore you. Youre rather annoying. Anyway, on to other replies.... I am thinking alot abou this whole complex thing brought up and I have to say, while I know people will say it isnt my place to bring it to his attention, I really wish i could make him acknowledge his unhappiness. He has a way of not attacking feelings head on, as many men will often avoid....and I just think if he did, one way or another, we could come to some resolution. Either he'd fix his bloody marriage, or decide its not worth it. I dont know. Maybe Im giving him too much credit in being able to make a decision ;-)
signedin2008 Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 So, let's see how many more times you ask me if Im ashamed. I've already told you Im horrible and a wench. Just saying it is not enough. You have to feel it yourself, which I don't think you do. If I called myself a whore would that make you happy? No, it doesn't. Would Hitler call himself a killer make me happy. Same answer. I tried reporting you to moderators and they've done nothing and I admit its very hard to ignore you. I am not being mean; I am just telling the truth. Maybe the true and your true self is not something pleasant that youw want to face. I really wish i could make him acknowledge his unhappiness. He is happy. It will terrified him if he is going to lose his wife, the true love of his life, instead of some easy axx on the side.
Lucky_One Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 I really wish i could make him acknowledge his unhappiness. He has a way of not attacking feelings head on, as many men will often avoid....and I just think if he did, one way or another, we could come to some resolution. Either he'd fix his bloody marriage, or decide its not worth it. I dont know. Maybe Im giving him too much credit in being able to make a decision ;-) And maybe you are just projected what YOU believe into his marriage. You truly have no idea what is going on in his heart and mind. You just think you know him better than his wife knows him, you think you know him better than he knows himself. The ONLY person you can know about is yourself. Just because you believe he is unhappy doesn't mean jackturkey. I am glad that I am not your girlfriend! If you kept trying to tell me how I felt and want me to acknowledge that I felt the way you believed I should feel, I would have to throttle you.
Author KismetGirl Posted January 30, 2009 Author Posted January 30, 2009 Quote: I wish I could make him see and acknowledge this stuff about himself. I know no one will believe me, but even if it meant he ended up with his wife, this is how I know I do love him....I really would like him to be happy. If he came and told me that he had worked things out with his wife and he was genuinly happy now and they worked on things, I'd accept it eventually. I would be upset, but I'd know that he's staying with her because he is in love with her. Right now I don't think he is, and that upsets me, I guess....that I can't be with him , and that he's not even in love with her. Is this the main reason you hang in there with him? Hoping that he will see that he's not in love with his W based on your assumptions about the situation? I don't know. I think subconsciously I must do it at least a little for that reason, but in a way, as I said, I think I just wish he'd acknowledge WHY he does what he does. He's never really said why he does things outright. He thinks he is open about things, but when it comes to emotions , he isn't. he's outgoing and funny and talkative to people, but when it comes to this, I don't think he really, really acknowledges things. He says he thinks alot about the situation, but is reluctant to say what it is exactly that he's concluded. he gives the impression that he is torn between feelings of love and obligation for his family, and feelings for me, and guilt over the whole situation. I guess I feel like it's all floating in the middle and I just want him to pick one already. When we broke things off that time and stayed apart for , what, nine or ten months or whatever it was, almost a year, because his wife had found that email from me, he said something like he and his wife had "talked" and thought maybe there were things they had to work on, and I said ok, then work on them, but what happened? Maybe he told her he didnt think they had sex enough, so she went from sleeping with him every two months to once a week if he asks for it, but obviously its not helping if she acts like she's uninterested in it the whole time. I don't know. It can't just be a lack of sex, there must be some lack of intimacy, passion, who the hell knows. I know that men crave stability, and that whole feeling of respect and "home"-iness, trust me. I think that's one of the biggest reasons they divorce far less than women do out of "love" reasons. I think women are more apt to leave for someone else cause they fell in love. A man is less likely to uproot his whole life, even if he isn't in love with his spouse. But to answer your question, probably, in some way, yes, Im hoping he comes to some realization. Just wish I could bring that around a bit quicker. Or just make myself not care anymore and leave him alone all together....
Author KismetGirl Posted January 30, 2009 Author Posted January 30, 2009 And maybe you are just projected what YOU believe into his marriage. You truly have no idea what is going on in his heart and mind. You just think you know him better than his wife knows him, you think you know him better than he knows himself. The ONLY person you can know about is yourself. Just because you believe he is unhappy doesn't mean jackturkey. I am glad that I am not your girlfriend! If you kept trying to tell me how I felt and want me to acknowledge that I felt the way you believed I should feel, I would have to throttle you. Im actually a very easy going girlfriend. Generally when im dating someone i let things go as they naturally progress. this isn't exactly a relationship of natural progression in that way. it's a weird situation where he is going back and forth and it drives me crazy. and actually, i dont tell him how he feels or make him do anything, but i think i have a right, in this situation to tell him to make a freaking decision and stick to it. He knows by this point how hard it is for me to resist him, and it isn't fair to keep thoughts to himself right after telling me "i've been thinking about things alot" Uhhhhh, well, what the hell are you thinking then, you bloody moron! And anyway, I dont think I know him better or worse than his wife or himself. I think I know parts of him better than his wife, though, I would say that's somewhat evident....if she knew him as well as she thought also she wouldn't be in her position either. All three of us are a little off the mark in "knowing" each other. Of course, me and her don't really know each other at all.
Author KismetGirl Posted January 30, 2009 Author Posted January 30, 2009 He is happy. It will terrified him if he is going to lose his wife, the true love of his life, instead of some easy axx on the side. Happy people don't cheat for 4+ years on the loves of their lives. Sorry to break it to you. If you insist on insulting me you do realize Im not really going to take anything you say seriously anyway right? And anyway, i wouldnt call a 4 year affair a piece of easy azzzz. He's not so bad himself. I'd say it goes both ways, on the azzzz bit. Nothing wrong with people enjoying each other in a sexual manner, but I'd say that if he hated my personality he'd not have risked his marriage over and over and over again for 4+ years. If that's your definition of how someone treats their true love, then I am lucky I am not your true love. Thanks though.
Author KismetGirl Posted January 30, 2009 Author Posted January 30, 2009 You do know that many men out there risk their marriage over and over again by visiting prostitutes, right? yeah. the perks of prostitutes is that you see them for 30 minutes, get your rocks off, and then dont have to worry about your wife finding text messages or emails from her, or yoru wife's friends seeing you out having lunch with her, or holding hands with her as you walk down the street, or taking her out to dinner and buying her a big bouquet of roses for her birthday, or going to baseball games with her, or writing her emails telling her you miss her. Good thing he does all those things with me. Guess that must mean Im not a prostitute. Also, that whole not paying me thing.
Mr. Lucky Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 Anyway, I would think it's obvious he's supressing SOMETHING....you don't have an affair if everything is peachy keen. At least in my experience, not necessarily true. I've known several people with strong, vital marriages, married to good people and yet they've still cheated. And while there's lots of different reasons, the usual one is simply that the cheater is weak enough to require the additional validation. He's obviously a very sexual person, as am I, and he's made it very aware that it's not a very important part of a relationship for his wife as she's of the sort who will begrudingly sleep with him if he begs for it, but doesn't seem very interested in it, which i suppose is very different from my very obvious sexual interest in him and the way I express it to him in and out of the bedroom. You seem smart enough KismetGirl, to know that this is his version of the story. The truth is probably very different... Mr. Lucky
Billie63 Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 Kismet stop checking out the wife's photo, stop comparing yourself to her - it doesn't help. No, she's not as good looking as you, yes she's slightly dull (in your opinion). This woman also looks after three children under the age of 5 full time. I tell you, I looked after my 2 year old nephew for 3 days recently and at the end of it I was a physical wreck, I stank because I didn't have the chance to even have a shower and had lost all sense of time. I take my hat off to your MM's wife for how she copes - and if she isn't squishing her boobs up to MM every time she sees him it's probably because she's tired all the time. Kismet it's easy to be a sex kitten when you see the man just once a week - not so easy when you live with him and there's three kids running around. I wish you would stop assuming things about their marriage and actually have a talk with MM about what's going on. Just give him an ear to discuss what's gone wrong in their relationship so that you know yourself where you stand. After 4 years why do you shy from that? Why is your relationship with him so dysfunctional and awkward on an emotional level?
Lucky_One Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 Billie has a point about talking, but honestly, do you really think that he is going to be 100% honest with you about his feelings for his wife and about his marriage? MM tend to emphasize the negatives and gloss over the positives. (Just like OW do, btw - we talk about how wonderful our MMs are, but we neglect to mention that he sometimes is thoughtless.) He has NO incentive to tell you about the good things about his marriage. You act as though you know everything about his marriage - and you don't. You act as though a good screw will fix everything - and it doesn't. You act as though sex is the final destination for a strong relationship - and it isn't. If you want to possibly be happier in your EMA (bc you obviously can't have a friendship with him), then enter the EMA thinking that your relationship with him is the only one that matters in your life, and make it as healthy and happy as you can so that your needs are met. When you spend all of your time analyzing his other relationships or analyzing his behavior or his psyche, then you aren't spending your time dealing with YOU.
Author KismetGirl Posted January 30, 2009 Author Posted January 30, 2009 I really don't get it. Where did I say I know EVERYTHING about their marriage? Just because I know some things, doesn't mean I know everything. His own wife doesn't know everything about their marriage. And with all due respect, raising three kids is not easy, but it has nothing to do with neglecting your marriage. I realize it's easy for me not living with him every day, I've said that before, my own mother has said to me before that I never know how it would be if I was acutally living with him on a daily basis, Im not an idiot, Im aware of this. He works two jobs and then comes home and helps with the kids until they go to bed, its not like he sits on his butt all day waiting for his wife to come blow him. One of his kids is in school, so she watches two of them during the day. He's had problems with his marriage BEFORE he had three kids, so what was the excuse then, exactly? When I met him, as I've said five hundred times before, his wife was working, just like him, and they had one kid who was babysat but her grandparents all day, at which time mom and dad would come home after both working all day and take care of the ONE kid TOGETHER. I dont understand why the wife must be made this completely innocent party in the demise of her own marriage. Obviously she knows things are not well, and 50% of the blame is his, and 50% of the blame is hers. After all, marriage is a partnership, right? I never said sex was the answer to all their problems. i said a LACK of intimacy and passion and sex is generally a SYMPTOM that there are other things lacking in their marriage. Any therapist will tell you that when they have a couple tell them that sex has decreased dramatically or become non-existant, there are other underlying problems in the relationship. I've said all this so many times Im starting to get a headache and people continue to say the same crap to me about how the three kids making his poor wife so very tired, and he's so evil for wanting to be intimate in his marriage, and how he's lying to me about everything. But, hey, I should understand by now: there is only black and white on this board and all others that are a public forum. The MM and OW are evil, the W is always the innocent party who has had NO hand in ANY problems in the marriage, there is no way for a couple to be happy and intimate if they have children, and diapers and poop are the end all and be all to any passion between two people. With all due respect, b**lsh*t. And yes, of what he does tell me, I do believe he is 100% honest, which is why he doesn't sit there babbling endlessly about about every facet of his marriage, because Im sure he knows I dont want to hear about most of it, because while Im curious, hearing the words "my wife and kids" does bother me, and he knows it, so he doesn't rub his family in my face. I can't help it. he has no reason to lie to me, he never has. We avoid talking about things sometimes because I know he isn't going to get divorced anytime soon and he knows i don't want to sit and hear about his effing wife. If he thought I wouldn't want to hear something, he just wouldn't say anything rather than lie about it. Some MM's have to lie to keep their OW's interested, and he knows that isn't the case with me. I tell him all the time he's got it good cause I'm never going to ask him to leave his wife- that's something he has to decide for himself. Im not going to force it. I'm in this A because I choose to be, not because he's magically coerced me with special words. Some people , as Ive said, give constructive advice, and others are unrelenting in their "all MM's are evil, all OW's are stupid, and all W's are innocent" tirades. It's infuriating to have words shoved down my throat when I've never once said my life would be perfect with him, that me and him would never have arguments, that I know every single thing that goes on in his home. Im repeating myself now and I have work to do.
2sure Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 Kismit - I think many of the BS here, or those strongly opposed to indfidelity are used to OW talking about their A's with MM - how it hurts, will he leave, NC, loveing him - all of it. And most people will tell you an A is the wrong thing to do. OW have to sift through it , and I know you have, to get the input they feel applies to them. You dont have to repeat yourself anymore. You know its wrong. OK, so you are deciding to something you know is wrong. It happens, we have probably all done it at some point. You are not a bad person, you realize what you are doing. Bad decision probably, but this is what you are doing right now. OK! Stop trying to justify it. Its wrong. It cannot be justified other than this is what you are deciding to do. His wife, his marriage and what goes on within it have nothing to do with you - thats why its wrong and thats why its an affair. No matter what is happening with his wife and kids, his marriage - it involves only 2 people. Yes they have problems. And now you are another one. But it is still basically THEIR problem. You cannot justify your involvement any further than saying wrong or not - this is what I am doing. That being said, I am a BS so I totally think you are wrong. BUT prior to getting married I had a 4 yr A with a MM. I didnt want him to tell me about his wife or kids. I didnt feel guilty. We were close, but I never gave thought to his marriage problems because I knew this was an AFFAIR. I knew it was wrong and I did it anyway. (Karma did catch up with me by the way). The only real problem here , and its a big one, is that this A and the MM's paranoia, guilt, his own justifications, etc....have made you physically ill, put you in therapy, caused your grades to slip and made your moods go from highest highs to lowest lows with the ebb and flow of his sex drive and neediness. The obvious solution is to get him out of your life. But you have decided that you are in a much better state of mind, right now, to have him in your life. OK. Is the platonic friend thing going to work? No. So, why not just go to : I'm having an A with a MM because I really enjoy him and my life is not open to a one on one relationship right now. I love the passion, its a great stress reliever, and I like the attention. And leave it at that. Since you have decided not to end it, that you need it right now, just go with that. No expectations, no pressure, no justification, no turmoil, and dont let him talk about his Marriage. As I said Karma did catch up to me. Consider this a play now pay later thing because you will. BUT why pay now AND later? You are making yourself crazy. I think the problem with many of the posters to your thread is more you trying to justify the affair than actually having it.
Billie63 Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 Kismet I can assure you I don't follow the 'all OW are evil" line whatsover. And yes, I know you have had to repeat yourself a lot here. But you yourself have said MM is awkward talking about his emotions. I will say, if you can't draw him out of his shell to talk deeply about his emotions, who can? Why doesn't he feel comfortable enough with you to confide his innermost thoughts? After all these years of knowing him, platonic and otherwise, what has he really told you about his wife? You criticise their lack of intimacy and passion but your relationship with him lacks any true intimacy. He does not have a clue about your obsession with him and his marriage does he? You say you don't want him to talk endlessly about his wife despite the fact you are thinking endlessly about her and checking out her photo for the 100th time. But you will never admit this weakness to him, will you? So how intimate and honest is your relationship with him? I know this relationship will go on until you are both found out. And then he will throw you under the bus in the most ruthless way. His marriage will survive but he will tell everyone you chased him. I am just hoping that by coming on these boards, you can at least face up to the reality of the situtation before D-Day so that the devestation you will feel can somehow be minimised - if that's possible.
whichwayisup Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 The MM and OW are evil, the W is always the innocent party who has had NO hand in ANY problems in the marriage NOONE has ever said that the MM is responsible for ALL the problems in the marriage. In your situation or anyone else's. MM and his wife each have their part in why things may not be great at home. BUT - Problems or not, it does NOT justify HIS choice to go outside of the marriage and have an affair. HE, your MM owns that 100% and 100% of what the affair is/has been doing to the marriage, is all HIS alone. I'm in this A because I choose to be It sounds like you want the A to continue so what's the point of trying to end it and walk away? You seem happy, settled, and calm when he is paying attention to you and all your stresses disappear UNTIL he goes back home, gets busy and doesn't have time for you. Then all that panic, stress and confusion gets to you because you're hurt he is spending time with his wife and kids over making time to spend with you. If you choose to be the OW, then accept certain things, certain dynamics about having an affair with him. He isn't leaving his wife, he's happy enough as things are, and with you around when he wants to be with you, he's even happier. As are you. I wish that someday soon you realize you're settling to be second fiddle..
IfWishesWereHorses Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 He works two jobs and then comes home and helps with the kids until they go to bed, its not like he sits on his butt all day waiting for his wife to come blow him. He really doesn't have to seeing as how that's being outsourced. And yes, of what he does tell me, I do believe he is 100% honest, which is why he doesn't sit there babbling endlessly about about every facet of his marriage, because Im sure he knows I dont want to hear about most of it, because while Im curious, hearing the words "my wife and kids" does bother me, and he knows it, so he doesn't rub his family in my face. Then you agree that he is being 100% honest with his wife as what he chooses to tell her is true (he just leaves out the parts she doesn't want to hear.) he knows i don't want to sit and hear about his effing wife. His effing wife??? You're angry at her? WOW! I tell him all the time he's got it good cause I'm never going to ask him to leave his wife- that's something he has to decide for himself. Im not going to force it. I'm in this A because I choose to be, not because he's magically coerced me with special words. Heck yeah, he's got it good. And yes, you chose this... The deal is Kismet, this is bad for YOU. Who else is sitting around with a migraine trying to convince herself that she can endure another 4years of this if she convinces her self that something is better than nothing??? Not him, not her, but you... I wonder how much time he spends just wishing that Kismet was happy because he loves her so much. I've never once said my life would be perfect with him, that me and him would never have arguments, Then you agree that it would be perfectly understandable that he would look outside of your R to fulfill those imperfect areas.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 Why on earth are you not in therapy? I saw my psychiatrist and he said it was the first time since he's started to see me over four months that I've seemed even remotely content.
Author KismetGirl Posted January 30, 2009 Author Posted January 30, 2009 He works two jobs and then comes home and helps with the kids until they go to bed, its not like he sits on his butt all day waiting for his wife to come blow him. He really doesn't have to seeing as how that's being outsourced. And yes, of what he does tell me, I do believe he is 100% honest, which is why he doesn't sit there babbling endlessly about about every facet of his marriage, because Im sure he knows I dont want to hear about most of it, because while Im curious, hearing the words "my wife and kids" does bother me, and he knows it, so he doesn't rub his family in my face. Then you agree that he is being 100% honest with his wife as what he chooses to tell her is true (he just leaves out the parts she doesn't want to hear.) he knows i don't want to sit and hear about his effing wife. His effing wife??? You're angry at her? WOW! I tell him all the time he's got it good cause I'm never going to ask him to leave his wife- that's something he has to decide for himself. Im not going to force it. I'm in this A because I choose to be, not because he's magically coerced me with special words. Heck yeah, he's got it good. And yes, you chose this... The deal is Kismet, this is bad for YOU. Who else is sitting around with a migraine trying to convince herself that she can endure another 4years of this if she convinces her self that something is better than nothing??? Not him, not her, but you... I wonder how much time he spends just wishing that Kismet was happy because he loves her so much. I've never once said my life would be perfect with him, that me and him would never have arguments, Then you agree that it would be perfectly understandable that he would look outside of your R to fulfill those imperfect areas. Agree with everything you've said, except the part about me being angry at his wife. Im frustrated in general and I have a tendency to curse sometimes, its not particularly directed at her. How could I be angry at his wife? I barely know her. Anger and hate are intense emotions reserved for people you know well enough to hate :-) Am I jealous of her? Yeah , sure I am. Not jealous that her husband is cheating on her, but jealous that she met him first and got him. I've been tempted to tell her what's going on before, but it's generally been when i'm mad at him and i think it would probably be mroe out of revenge than out of concern for her feelings. Incidentally, Im sure she's not a moron and suspects things, but I wonder what goes through her mind when she doesn't do anything about them. He's told me that when he came home right after seeing me she's said things like "you smell....funny", which i guess means, "why do you smell like sex". Two years ago she found an email from me with suggestive photos in it, not addressed to him, but it was in his inbox. A year before that, she found a strand of my hair in their apartment (no, I did not sleep with him in their apartment, I just stopped by one day to say hello) and me and her have completely different hair, there's no mistaking that it was another woman's. Still, despite it all, she's kind of ignored things. I guess that's what happens when you've built a life with someone and don't want to admit they're straying....but I do wonder what she would do if she found indisputable evidence of his infidelity. Not clues, but outright "i know he's cheating". I wonder.
Author KismetGirl Posted January 30, 2009 Author Posted January 30, 2009 I saw my psychiatrist and he said it was the first time since he's started to see me over four months that I've seemed even remotely content. Thank you, IfWishes. I thought I mgiht have to scream from repeating something again for the five hundreth time.... PS- Reggie...therapy doesnt = magical cure of emotional duress right away
Billie63 Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 Of course you're angry at the wife kismet. Your anger jumps off these pages whenever you mention her. I don't blame you for being angry. You're human. You may not have the right to be angry but ... This man turns you on so much you're virtually on the ceiling, while she has the opportunity to 'have' his body every night and she turns it down. In your place I'd be so angry - I'd find the wife's attitude kind of insulting. This is what a lot of people on here are trying to say to you Kismet - be honest with yourself and him about what's really going on here. The lies and self deluding will screw you up.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 but I do wonder what she would do if she found indisputable evidence of his infidelity. Not clues, but outright "i know he's cheating". I wonder. Kismet, With all due respect... that is about as sick as saying, "I wonder what would happen if I slit her neck." Would she bleed, would her eyes roll back, would she try to gasp for air and strangle on her own blood. Would she feel pain, regret, try to figure out what she had done to deserve this treatment??? She would do all of that. Part of her would die. Or did you just mean if she would leave him to you???? Maybe, but not before all of the above took place. I wonder how many people out there think about how you would handle such intense pain??? I hope none, for your sake.
whichwayisup Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 Still, despite it all, she's kind of ignored things Why do you think that is? Chances are, he's told her 'everything is fine, ofcourse I love you and no I'm not cheating on you, I'd never do that to you or the kids..Don't worry, k.' You only hear HIS side of things and if you believe he isn't/hasn't or won't lie, white lie or omit truths from you, you're fooling yourself.
Author KismetGirl Posted January 30, 2009 Author Posted January 30, 2009 but I do wonder what she would do if she found indisputable evidence of his infidelity. Not clues, but outright "i know he's cheating". I wonder. Kismet, With all due respect... that is about as sick as saying, "I wonder what would happen if I slit her neck." Would she bleed, would her eyes roll back, would she try to gasp for air and strangle on her own blood. Would she feel pain, regret, try to figure out what she had done to deserve this treatment??? She would do all of that. Part of her would die. Or did you just mean if she would leave him to you???? Maybe, but not before all of the above took place. I wonder how many people out there think about how you would handle such intense pain??? I hope none, for your sake. Oh come on now, i dont mean it in some sick subversive way. I know she would be hurt, that's a given, but I honestly don't know if she would leave him. Curiousity as to how she would respond isn't that terrible. I obviously haven't told her, nor do I plan to. If i wanted to watch her suffer I'd go giddily to her front door and shove all the evidence of our affair in her face, describe in gory detail everything he does with me, and watch her cry. Now THAT would be sick and mean. You can't help what you wonder about in passing.
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