Isolde Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 Is a creepy guy simply an unattractive guy showing interest in a girl, or can a woman find a man both attractive looking but creepy at the same time? Say you're in a public place and a decent looking guy is holding eye contact and smiling at you. Is that creepy? I just have this fear of being creepy for a number of reasons I won't get into. I feel like if I look at a girl and smile at her that I will come off as creepy. I feel like I look creepy and have creepy mannerisms that I simply can't control - subtle facial expressions and body language. Yes, you can be attractive and not the girl's type. Anyone could be creepy in someone's eyes, don't get too caught up in it Eye contact is not creepy unless it is accompanied by a leer or crude remarks.
JennaGennaro Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 "Do you live in the Northeast, Kashmir? That would explain it. There are a lot of sour pusses around here! Just keep doing it. Someone will respond." Maybe in the city, but Upstate is not all like that - the majority smile. Here in Southern California, you will be hard-pressed to see someone smile just because it is their nature. Being from Upstate, NY, I have always smiled at people, but these days most people are too wrapped up with themselves. Out here, I make a point to smile at people I pass in the grocery store, especially when exiting an aisle so as not to run into anyone, but no one smiles. I tend to think Southern California is rather unfriendly in general and then one day I had the day off and ran a lot of errands (post office, stores) and the clerks were actually HAPPY and the drivers on the road were nicer. I think time of day has a lot to do with it too.
Isolde Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 As an example, I was in the mall a few months ago and a guy was walking towards me. Yes, I noticed him because he was good-looking. He looked back and something in his eyes totally creeped me out, something far too intimate and familiar. I quickly went in a different direction. I think you'll know it if you do it. Girls will run away from you. What exactly do you mean by intimate and familiar? Those adjectives are usually used in a positive light...
D-Lish Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 Hmm, so maybe I'm just one of those guys that can't help but have a creepy vibe. I was afraid that might be the case, because what the hell can I do to change that? It's not like I'm REALLY thinking or intending creepy things. I see an attractive girl and think, "She's cute, come on, look my way. :)" Not, "Wow, would I like a piece of that ass...though I think she'd look purdier as a blonde...and mmm...I can smell her avian skin cream...you little skank." Why would you think that... You can't know what others are thinking silly. Honestly- I've smiled at people before, just being friendly and they'll look at me like I have two heads. Okay- it's mostly women that react that way, but still. I'm not going to stop smiling and being friendly just because other people are miserable, and neither should you. I doubt people are thinking you're a creep- I think people have just gotten used to keeping to themselves.... Now- if you really are thinking "you little skank"...
scratch Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 What exactly do you mean by intimate and familiar? Those adjectives are usually used in a positive light. It would seem the purpose of these threads have less to do with offering support and advice to the OP and more of a reminder that women must be respected as equals yet concurrently afforded feminine deference. Second wave feminism is repugnant, although apparently it can be convincing (if repeated thirty times a day on the internet). Kashmir, at the risk of defining a term with another, equally indefinite term, creepiness is forwardness absent confidence. I believe in the three-second rule; if you make eye contact for more than three seconds with someone yet fail to speak to her, the lack of confidence makes it creepy. There's no magic formula, but if someone finds you attractive and you speak to them after making eye contact, it's not likely to be seen as creepy. Are there exceptions? Sure - but that's their problem, not yours, and I bet you'll feel better for trying and failing than if you were too chicken to try. Honestly, dude, the creepiest thing about you is probably the creepiest thing about me, too. We are discussing the art of attraction with other shut-ins who find this messageboard a valuable social outlet. Go outside, talk to a person. For the love of all that is holy, do it for a reason other than having something to report on Love Shack. Fin.
JennaGennaro Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 Kashmir, I don't know if this will help or not, but if you are bored, it is a pretty good read about smiling and what men vs. women think is the most attractive kind of smile. I wish there were pictures to accompany the article so you could see the types of smiles, but I am sure you could find examples on the internet. Edit: What is interesting about the study is that men were most attracted to a woman who smiled "lip in smile" wherein she was smiling with her top row of teeth somewhat exposed and biting her bottom lip, while women were attracted to that smile, but preferred open, happy smiles. http://jrscience.wcp.muohio.edu/humannature00/FinalArticles/SmileifYoureintheMood-The.html
Trialbyfire Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 What exactly do you mean by intimate and familiar? Those adjectives are usually used in a positive light... It's difficult to explain a creepy look. You know it when you see it. Social eye contact has much to do with looking at someone courteously. You can look in an admiring way but it also has to be respectful. Basically, social graces, which can be challenging to some people and almost innate in others.
Isolde Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 It's difficult to explain a creepy look. You know it when you see it. Social eye contact has much to do with looking at someone courteously. You can look in an admiring way but it also has to be respectful. Basically, social graces, which can be challenging to some people and almost innate in others. Gotcha. I was just puzzled why you would use the word "familiar," because I have met strangers that seemed to "look through me" but I didn't mind. Interestingly, I don't get a lot of creepy looks. Maybe once a month, at most.
D-Lish Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 It's difficult to explain a creepy look. You know it when you see it. Social eye contact has much to do with looking at someone courteously. You can look in an admiring way but it also has to be respectful. Basically, social graces, which can be challenging to some people and almost innate in others. When I read your post, the terms "intimate and familiar" hit the nail on the head. I've experienced that. Intimate in the sense of "pronounced closeness" an "epiphany" if you will. You meet or see someone and feel like you are having a psychic moment... It's a quick flash of insight that screams "creepy".
Isolde Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 When I read your post, the terms "intimate and familiar" hit the nail on the head. I've experienced that. Intimate in the sense of "pronounced closeness" an "epiphany" if you will. You meet or see someone and feel like you are having a psychic moment... It's a quick flash of insight that screams "creepy". Wait, I don't get it. The sense of inexplicable familiarity can be creepy in that surreal way, but how does that make the person a creep? When I get a creepy look, I don't feel close to the person at all. I really don't understand what you two are talking about
Trialbyfire Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 When I read your post, the terms "intimate and familiar" hit the nail on the head. I've experienced that. Intimate in the sense of "pronounced closeness" an "epiphany" if you will. You meet or see someone and feel like you are having a psychic moment... It's a quick flash of insight that screams "creepy". Yes! Run for your life! This dude is CREEPY! That's the gut instinct kicking in for fight or flight! CREEPY = flight
Author kashmir Posted January 29, 2009 Author Posted January 29, 2009 I think TBF means that some guys give her a look that's too familiar in the sense that it's a bit too deep...in other words, it's a look you'd give to someone you've been dating for a bit, not someone you see on the street. Granted, I doubt many of those guys MEANT to give that look. I don't really think creepy is the right word...but rather bizarre? That sound right, ladies? Scratch - I'm outgoing around people I know, but I'm very shy with strangers. I have trouble looking someone in the eye for more than a split second. When I'm talking to them I'm fine, but before the ice is broken I'm shy. So, I'm never really that forward, but I get what you mean. I remember one time a year ago or so I was in the library and saw a cute girl and forced myself to approach her. I was stuttering and shaking a bit, naturally. I have a feeling I came off as creepy, when really I was just a shy guy doing a cold approach for the first time.
Author kashmir Posted January 29, 2009 Author Posted January 29, 2009 Yes! Run for your life! This dude is CREEPY! That's the gut instinct kicking in for fight or flight! CREEPY = flight So, if a woman sees a creepy guy, she won't keep looking at him? There have been many times where I was making eye contact with a girl and she would keep looking at me but not smiling. I assumed she was thinking, "Ew, why is he looking at me? Let me check if he's still looking." There was one time where I remember a girl actively avoiding my look back in high school, but she was known for being really weird and immature.
Isolde Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 This thing about a "deep" look is interesting. It can be exciting and feel like you're making a connection--but it can also feel very scary. It entirely depends on the person giving the look. I've met guys where there was clearly this connection that was made through the eyes and it was real--didn't feel scary or creepy at all. So I can see both sides of the story. I wouldn't advocate looking at strangers on the street this way, but it can be very sexy to lock eyes with someone that you see around, someone you wouldn't mind getting to know better.
D-Lish Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 Wait, I don't get it. The sense of inexplicable familiarity can be creepy in that surreal way, but how does that make the person a creep? When I get a creepy look, I don't feel close to the person at all. I really don't understand what you two are talking about It doesn't make them a creep. The feeling a person gets about another person doesn't define the other person. It's just a feeling. It's not about feeling close to the other person- it's about having that instinctual "whoa".... you give me a bad feeling. That's the epiphany. Human beings have that fight or flight instinct- that's where those sudden, urgent instincts derive from. We can't help them, it just happens.
Author kashmir Posted January 29, 2009 Author Posted January 29, 2009 It doesn't make them a creep. The feeling a person gets about another person doesn't define the other person. It's just a feeling. It's not about feeling close to the other person- it's about having that instinctual "whoa".... you give me a bad feeling. That's the epiphany. Human beings have that fight or flight instinct- that's where those sudden, urgent instincts derive from. We can't help them, it just happens. I don't really feel that unless I talk to the person, though. Maybe it's different for women since you need to be more cautious with sexual predators, but still, I'm not sure how you can look at a normal looking guy and get a sudden flight instinct...unless he's like the anti-christ.
Isolde Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 I don't really feel that unless I talk to the person, though. Maybe it's different for women since you need to be more cautious with sexual predators, but still, I'm not sure how you can look at a normal looking guy and get a sudden flight instinct...unless he's like the anti-christ. It doesn't happen to me often, with non-bums that is
D-Lish Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 I don't really feel that unless I talk to the person, though. Maybe it's different for women since you need to be more cautious with sexual predators, but still, I'm not sure how you can look at a normal looking guy and get a sudden flight instinct...unless he's like the anti-christ. Well, we still possess animal instincts. I doubt people look at you and think you are a creep Kash.
refurb Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 I'm pretty sure stealing her underwear would fall under "creepy". RF
Trialbyfire Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 So, if a woman sees a creepy guy, she won't keep looking at him? There have been many times where I was making eye contact with a girl and she would keep looking at me but not smiling. I assumed she was thinking, "Ew, why is he looking at me? Let me check if he's still looking."No, if she thought you were honestly creepy, she would stop looking at you and never make eye contact again. Her facial expression would reflect as such. If she thought you were being rude but not creepy, she would glare back at you in an angry fashion. If she maintains eye contact without facial expression change, reliant on how still her facial expression is, she's probably interested but probably won't smile at you unless she gets a friendly, flirty vibe from you. There was one time where I remember a girl actively avoiding my look back in high school, but she was known for being really weird and immature.She sounds creepy!
Author kashmir Posted January 29, 2009 Author Posted January 29, 2009 Well, we still possess animal instincts. I doubt people look at you and think you are a creep Kash. I think my problem is I've had the unfortunate luck to encounter some of THE WORST girls who HATED me. The kicker is this one who I wasn't even interested in, rather her friend. It's the one I mentioned before...I was bit nervous talking to the friend and probably came off bad. Whatever, I got some experience. Later on though I talked to this girl's friend and sat down with her for a bit, just to chat. She left pretty soon after that without much of a goodbye. Since then she gave me dirty looks when I saw her around, but I didn't care much, I just thought she was a bitch. Then, the next summer, I was at my local YMCA and she was there. She must live in a nearby town. I just eyed her for a sec and went about my workout. When I was heading out I got pulled over by some of the staff. She apparently reported me for being there! I had to convince them that she was nuts and I didn't give a crap about her. It took up some of my time and annoyed me. THEN, this winter, I was working at my uncle's horse farm which I've worked at the past few years. Guess who shows up to ride? Once she saw me, she rushed to my uncle (not knowing I was his nephew), and complained, saying the worst stuff about me. My uncle, awesomely, was pretty much like, "That's my brother's son, and I don't know what you're talking about. If you have a problem you can take your business elsewhere." Long story...but yeah...I've met some crazy girls like this who just seemed to want to ruin me. It's made me a bit cautious around girls in general, and has made me think that I might be giving off some creepy vibe.
Author kashmir Posted January 29, 2009 Author Posted January 29, 2009 No, if she thought you were honestly creepy, she would stop looking at you and never make eye contact again. Her facial expression would reflect as such. If she thought you were being rude but not creepy, she would glare back at you in an angry fashion. If she maintains eye contact without facial expression change, reliant on how still her facial expression is, she's probably interested but probably won't smile at you unless she gets a friendly, flirty vibe from you. Ok, I'll have to keep this in mind. Like I said, very rarely do girls actually never look at me again and completely turn away.
confused_2008 Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 I think my problem is I've had the unfortunate luck to encounter some of THE WORST girls who HATED me. The kicker is this one who I wasn't even interested in, rather her friend. It's the one I mentioned before...I was bit nervous talking to the friend and probably came off bad. Whatever, I got some experience. Later on though I talked to this girl's friend and sat down with her for a bit, just to chat. She left pretty soon after that without much of a goodbye. Since then she gave me dirty looks when I saw her around, but I didn't care much, I just thought she was a bitch. Then, the next summer, I was at my local YMCA and she was there. She must live in a nearby town. I just eyed her for a sec and went about my workout. When I was heading out I got pulled over by some of the staff. She apparently reported me for being there! I had to convince them that she was nuts and I didn't give a crap about her. It took up some of my time and annoyed me. THEN, this winter, I was working at my uncle's horse farm which I've worked at the past few years. Guess who shows up to ride? Once she saw me, she rushed to my uncle (not knowing I was his nephew), and complained, saying the worst stuff about me. My uncle, awesomely, was pretty much like, "That's my brother's son, and I don't know what you're talking about. If you have a problem you can take your business elsewhere." Long story...but yeah...I've met some crazy girls like this who just seemed to want to ruin me. It's made me a bit cautious around girls in general, and has made me think that I might be giving off some creepy vibe. Crazy b***h
Author kashmir Posted January 29, 2009 Author Posted January 29, 2009 Yeah, she really was. Ok, how about this - does being solitary = creepy? I'm not always by myself, but now and then I will be, like I just ate lunch alone in a room filled with groups. I'm fine with eating by myself. I'll just put my ipod on and enjoy music and food. When I look up I'll smile at people walking by, but it's always like they see right through me. Very few people actually look at me, even when I look at them and give a smile.
ColorCube Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 I noticed him because he was good-looking. He looked back and something in his eyes totally creeped me out, something far too intimate and familiar. I quickly went in a different direction. This is all about you and wasn't created by the guy, the guy was just walking by you in a mall. Your past fears or experiences are what made his eyes creepy. There most likely wasn't anything wrong with the guy other than you thought he was creepy. In reality they would call that one your loss.
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