OCCDAVE Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 I have held up nc pretty good and its going to be a month and 3 weeks since i have contacted my ex.I'm not sure why but these past 2 days have been the toughest for me.I keep breaking down and feeling the need to contact her .I miss her still alot i guess then again guess i should say i miss the person i fell for so bad for.I am still upset im left with no closure at all.What makes it worse shes been moved on and im still having a hard time doing so. sigh
Geishawhelk Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! Don't you dare - my lordy, just you dare! We will kick you so far there and back if you do this!!!! NO CONTACT!! Geddit....?!?! :mad: (geddit?)
Knight_Ctrl Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 So ask yourself, if you know she has moved on why the hell would you want to contact her? All it is going to do is hurt you, trust me friend I've done it. You're only going to get cold uncaring responses and its going to make you feel like ****. I've been having a hard time recently too, but we need to stay strong and continue NC. Get yourself busy, I find that the time when I'm hurting the most is when I sit around thinking about it. Don't contact her, or im going to kick you in the dick. =)
Author OCCDAVE Posted January 28, 2009 Author Posted January 28, 2009 So ask yourself, if you know she has moved on why the hell would you want to contact her? All it is going to do is hurt you, trust me friend I've done it. You're only going to get cold uncaring responses and its going to make you feel like ****. I've been having a hard time recently too, but we need to stay strong and continue NC. Get yourself busy, I find that the time when I'm hurting the most is when I sit around thinking about it. Don't contact her, or im going to kick you in the dick. =)lol Thats the thing i just dont see how she was able to move on that fast heck it makes me feel like i did something wrong.I guess i am venting cause like you ppl said if i break nc ill be back to sqaure 1 which i dont want to do.I guess truth be told id like her to regret what she has put me through but dont think her ego will ever allow it.
Geishawhelk Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 Don't contact her, or im going to kick you in the dick. OUCH. Now that hurts!!
northstar1 Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 I have held up nc pretty good and its going to be a month and 3 weeks since i have contacted my ex.I'm not sure why but these past 2 days have been the toughest for me.I keep breaking down and feeling the need to contact her .I miss her still alot i guess then again guess i should say i miss the person i fell for so bad for.I am still upset im left with no closure at all.What makes it worse shes been moved on and im still having a hard time doing so. sigh You may feel the need, but don't act on it. Trust me. It will bring a wall of pain. Keep up the good work of NC. The urge will pass.
Author OCCDAVE Posted January 28, 2009 Author Posted January 28, 2009 I also read this post http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t177026/ The reply by Borgia hit me id hate to think our relationship started being all lies but the user does make valid points sigh.
Template Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 Don't do it man. This is a test of your resolve and your toughness. The thing with NC is to wean you away from caring what she does. So DON'T CARE. Plus if you know she moved on, in such a short time, smile in knowing that it's probably in an empty relationship, and in the long run, she's the one ultimately hurting herself.
techfan Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 DONT DO IT! you mind is playing tricks on you... you think 'maybe she'll feel different if i contact her'...... its WRONG. if she felt different she'd contact you. LET GO. FEEL THE PAIN and tell yourself this will make you stronger and better. I am in the same situation. It's almost been a month for me and today and yesterday ive been in hell. I keep thinking, maybe if i just went over to her place and showered her in affection she'd take me back. BU**SH*T! It aint happening. You gotta be strong. You're better than that and you know it. Take the pain and realize it. All it is is pain. It's not death, its just pain. Accept that this is difficult. Because once you can truly accept that this moment is tough then you can have power over it. By accepting that the situation is difficult then the fact that it is difficult no longer matters. No doubt its tough thou buddy, we're here with ya. And im in the same boat. It won't do you any good.
Ronni_W Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 i just dont see how she was able to move on that fast heck it makes me feel like i did something wrong. It's possible that it only SEEMS as if she has moved on...a lot of people prefer the unconsciousness of just getting into a new relationship or pretending to be doing all absolutely fabulously. Chances are better that she has not really learned anything from her experience with you so, whatever were HER side of the issues and problems, she is gonna be facing those exact same things in her future relationships. Sooner or later, she'll be further behind than you are right now. That's a guarantee...until she smartens up, does her grieving and healing, and grows as a relationship partner. Even if you DID do something wrong in the past, you're using this time to work through it. (so) Your chance for future, genuine happiness and success is FAR, FAR greater than hers is at this very same moment.
Author OCCDAVE Posted January 28, 2009 Author Posted January 28, 2009 It's possible that it only SEEMS as if she has moved on...a lot of people prefer the unconsciousness of just getting into a new relationship or pretending to be doing all absolutely fabulously. Chances are better that she has not really learned anything from her experience with you so, whatever were HER side of the issues and problems, she is gonna be facing those exact same things in her future relationships. Sooner or later, she'll be further behind than you are right now. That's a guarantee...until she smartens up, does her grieving and healing, and grows as a relationship partner. Even if you DID do something wrong in the past, you're using this time to work through it. (so) Your chance for future, genuine happiness and success is FAR, FAR greater than hers is at this very same moment.Thanks for all the advice everyone.Another thing that bugs me and sorta adds salt to the wound is she has 2 kids.These two kids have grown and me heck they hardly knew their real dad so they would call me daddy who knows what she told them and how they took it.So not only do i miss her but i miss the two kids so its 3 ppl im trying to get over mainly the kids cause they didnt do anything to me.
Geishawhelk Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 If you know when their birthdays are, there's nothing wrong with showing affection and sending them a card with a gift or a little money in it. Just make sure that it's entirely for their benefit. Stay - maintain - NC with her. But why should they suffer? Be "adult" about it, be mature, and just show them you haven't forgotten them. Ignore her completely.
Author OCCDAVE Posted January 28, 2009 Author Posted January 28, 2009 If you know when their birthdays are, there's nothing wrong with showing affection and sending them a card with a gift or a little money in it. Just make sure that it's entirely for their benefit. Stay - maintain - NC with her. But why should they suffer? Be "adult" about it, be mature, and just show them you haven't forgotten them. Ignore her completely.See its interesting you say that cause i was told around xmas not to send anything.Infact i still have their gifts put away cause ppl on her told me dont do it and it will come off as creepy and black mailing ?
Tryng2Trust08 Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 Yikes the kids part is a touchy situation...I have 2 children myself. If my exboyfriend sent my kids something, I might feel a little odd, not in a bad way, but I may feel inclined that I had to contact my ex and thank him for sending them. Like I was obligated in a way, and it may open some wounds. How old are the children and how long were you in their lives?
Author OCCDAVE Posted January 28, 2009 Author Posted January 28, 2009 Yikes the kids part is a touchy situation...I have 2 children myself. If my exboyfriend sent my kids something, I might feel a little odd, not in a bad way, but I may feel inclined that I had to contact my ex and thank him for sending them. Like I was obligated in a way, and it may open some wounds. How old are the children and how long were you in their lives?5 and 3 the boy knew his dad but the girl from what the mother told me the dad bailed and she never saw him.I was with them close to 3 years safe to say im the only father this girl has had or has known.I get upset thinking cause i still remember it clear as day before she told me it was over the day before we were making the kids xmas list.I still also remember it as clear as day the girl looking at me saying daddy i wub u wanna go watch cartoons ugh.I gave these kids the world i would continue to how many single guys are gonna have no problem taking on a challenge like this a few but not many.
Knight_Ctrl Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 I also read this post http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t177026/ The reply by Borgia hit me id hate to think our relationship started being all lies but the user does make valid points sigh. God damn that hurt for me to read....I but I think its true. I clearly remember when she started to become distant, and my "I love you"s started to be replied with "I know you do" *sigh* ****ing **** I miss her......****.....
pushforward Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 I'm 3 months NC. A little wisdom from me to you. Closure? Would you accept anything you hear from her? Are you sure it's not a hope for reconciliation that's hurting you? It's over. What more do you need? Answers for what? She may not even have them. I still fight the thoughts of it daily. Unfortunately, nothing anybody says or does, can alleviate the pain you are undergoing. Think about it. What if she said she made the right choice, wouldn't that hurt? What if she said she made a mistake and wants to get back together, would you forgive her, things won't ever be the same. What if she honestly doesn't know, it would confuse you some more. You have to understand that it happened, nothing will take this journey of healing and self discover away. Breaking contact, will always lead to more pain. Trust me, I did NC for a month to get her back. Burned everyday, broke down and got my heart broken again. Now I'm over 3 months, doesn't hurt as bad as day 1. I have my days where I miss her a lot, but I don't break. It won't fix anything, only I can fix me. She's the source of my problem, and just like any problem. It's best you deal with it now, before it gets out of hand.
Tryng2Trust08 Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 That is sad about the children and you are right, not too many men would step up to the plate for a single mom. I dont know what to tell you in regards to the kids, I think at their ages, they may not quite get it, what has happened...Im hoping your ex has been a mature adult and explained to them the situation and how things sometimes don't work out so they can understand. This is exactly why Im scared to death to introduce my children to a guy I date.
Author OCCDAVE Posted January 29, 2009 Author Posted January 29, 2009 I'm 3 months NC. A little wisdom from me to you. Closure? Would you accept anything you hear from her? Are you sure it's not a hope for reconciliation that's hurting you? It's over. What more do you need? Answers for what? She may not even have them. I still fight the thoughts of it daily. Unfortunately, nothing anybody says or does, can alleviate the pain you are undergoing. Think about it. What if she said she made the right choice, wouldn't that hurt? What if she said she made a mistake and wants to get back together, would you forgive her, things won't ever be the same. What if she honestly doesn't know, it would confuse you some more. You have to understand that it happened, nothing will take this journey of healing and self discover away. Breaking contact, will always lead to more pain. Trust me, I did NC for a month to get her back. Burned everyday, broke down and got my heart broken again. Now I'm over 3 months, doesn't hurt as bad as day 1. I have my days where I miss her a lot, but I don't break. It won't fix anything, only I can fix me. She's the source of my problem, and just like any problem. It's best you deal with it now, before it gets out of hand.Thats the thing after the pain she has caused me guess what hurts me is i know i could never take her back it just wouldnt be the same.Congrats on the nc i went 3 weeks nc but then caved in cause i saw she called my phone made the mistake of calling back and she proceded to make fun of me ugh.Since then tomorrow will like i said be month and 3 weeks strong of nc.Gotta keep telling myself the person i knew is long gone and wont return.I just hope this relationship wasnt all lies cause that would have been beyond immature on her part and evil.meh Hey Trying Like she said from the start you sure you wanna go ahead with this relationship if you do you gotta be in for the long run for the kids which i didnt mind at all.Heck night before she told me hit the road we went ring shopping and went to go to a parent teacher conference at school which the boy was so excited cause his daddy and mommy were there.I think past that big head shes got she knows i had some impact on them she cant act like i never existed.
Tryng2Trust08 Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 Yeah...what were her reasons for breaking up with you?? I have only introduced my children to one guy I dated and he was a friend....we went to highschool together and he had kids also. So, the kids played, etc....just like 2 times. That was a huge step on her part to introduce you to her kids and make you a part of their lives to bail on you...Well, good for you it takes a very big man to take on someone's children..Im hoping one day to find someone like that myself!
Author OCCDAVE Posted January 29, 2009 Author Posted January 29, 2009 That's the thing she really never gave a clear reason just im done.I came over monday and we had a blast then I said ill see you next week cause she had mentioned she may be busy.im at work and we are texting all is well she said plz come over friday I need someone to go with me to his parent teacher conference and I miss u.friday comes like I said day went well we came home at dinner and cuddled after playing video games.it was then time for me to go and little did I know I wouldn't be returning to that house.friday came she said leave us all,saturday came we didn't talk then sunday all is well love u can u pick up the boy a movie love u.I figure all is well it might have been a mood swing since she was on her period.monday comes same thing I finally show up thursday and try to talk her out of it.she had a cold look on her face I knew this was the end I just never seen her like this.she then kissed me and said if I need someone to talk to contact her but the way she said it was pity it seemed.since then I've heard she had a new bf and he dropped her after a few weeks yet she swore I trust him so much.ugh Sorry trying for the long rant just wanted to recap u what happen.
lonelygurl Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 DO NOT AND I REPEAT DO NOT CONTACT YOUR X!!!!!!!! DO NOT AND I REPEAT DO NOT CONTACT YOUR X!!!!!!!! DO NOT AND I REPEAT DO NOT CONTACT YOUR X!!!!!!!! DO NOT AND I REPEAT DO NOT CONTACT YOUR X!!!!!!!! Now be a good boy and go write this 100 times!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We are all hurting like F**king hell and want to contact them and tell them how much we love them and miss them.....BUT YOU MUST REMEMBER.............. they are not telling us how much they love us or miss us and do you know why BECAUSE THEY DON'T work through the pain!!!!!! It hurts like HELL. I know!!!! I was crying so hard the other day when I finally got the nerve to block him from my email. The only way my X could ever contact me now is to mail a letter or show up on my door. I have changed phone numbers and blocked emails. I still love him and miss him terribly....and I still cry everyday. I still go through every damn emotion they talk about with grieving and I'm sick of this rollercoaster ride.....I want off. I just want it to end. All contacting your X will get you is setting you back in your healing! SO I say again..... DO NOT AND I REPEAT DO NOT CONTACT YOUR X!!!!!!!! :):)
lonelygurl Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 one book I'm reading about the loss of a love says to repeat over and over "I AM ALIVE AND I WILL SURVIVE"
Author OCCDAVE Posted January 29, 2009 Author Posted January 29, 2009 Heh thanks for the reply lonelygurl just hurts knowing someone you gave so much to can become so cold.I agree with what you said if they wanted to contact us they would find a way even if its a simple hello but they don't care sigh.
Tryng2Trust08 Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 Im sorry she got another boyfriend soo quickly...that tells me she is a very weak individual and that was just some temporary relief for her. I know it hurts like hell knowing she was with someone else and how she turned soo cold on you. I don't know how someone turns soo cold on someone else, it baffles me. After all that time of u guys being together, she should've gave you some kind of explanation, something.... I pretty much told my ex I really needed a friend last week, I was going through some bad stuff regarding my child support $ and some other issues. I felt comfort in just talking to him because he knew my situation very well, we were best friends in that aspect. After knowing how upset I was he told me we are no longer in a relationship and I need to turn to my family. It hurt me real bad, I was always there for him, listened to him, gave him advice, etc...I really needed him that day as a friend I told him that and he wouldn't. I have some trust issues and our whole relationship he wanted me 2 trust him , which I did to an extent, but after this he has to realize why I could never fully have trust in him. Im sorry Im rambling...I do feel for you and with time the pain will go away and you will realize your relationship ended for a reason. Some days will be really bad, but I wouldnt contact her for her to be cold towards you and hurt you all over again.
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