zero327 Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 I have been with my girlfriend... or should i say ex now for 4 years. I am almost 23, she is almost 21. We do work together and have since before we dated. We are each others firsts and only partners. I was so happy with her, we literally spent all day every day together and never went a day without talking... she wanted to get married, she asked me all the time... I would always say Im not ready. She wanted me to move in... wasnt ready for that either. So... we were having a lot of what i saw to be petty fights... and she left me on the phone on the 18th of this month which was a sunday... she said she needed space. we had a short conversation on the follow wednesday where she just basically said there was nothing i can do. Since then I have had pleny of time to sit... and think... and she was right about the fights... even tho I didnt want to admit it. I was being an inconsiderate prick and didnt want listen to her. I want to be with her for the rest of my life, I want to take our relationship to the next step. Am I supposed to do nothing? Ive asked her to have a conversation with me but she will not. Should I not apologize? I see her at work and she just gives me this look filled with hatred. Have i pushed her away forever? Its killing me that she wont talk to me I cant eat or sleep. Ive tried to feel better through alcohol, drugs, walking. doesnt work.
Author zero327 Posted January 28, 2009 Author Posted January 28, 2009 Oh... and she said she has been spending time with her mom and friends... Nothing I have ever stopped her from doing. I encouraged it... but she always wanted to hang out with me instead. I too lost all my friends because I havent hung out with them in years. And I offered her space she said no. When she broke up with me I asked if we could stay together and work on things / take time apart she said no.
Author zero327 Posted January 29, 2009 Author Posted January 29, 2009 no one with any help, insight, or ideas for me?
justletgo07 Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 Hey man. My situation was very similar to yours, with my ex and I being the same ages as you and your ex, and constant fighting being a big reason for her breaking up with me. Same sort of thing happened, and nothing I could do would change her mind. It has been about 4 months now since she broke up with me. She also wanted to get married and wanted me to move in, and I just wasn't ready yet. I think part of the reason no one has responded is because, honestly, there is nothing you can do. Odds are, part of the reason you guys were fighting so much is because you were spending way too much time together, and didn't spend enough time developing lives of your own. The attraction tends to fade when the person you're with becomes the largest part of your life. Coming from someone who has been exatly where you are, my advice would be to drop off the face of the earth and go no contact. Don't tell her you're doing it...just do it. She has requested space, so give her all the space she wants and then some. Focus on yourself, and really spend some time rebuilding the parts of your life that you've neglected since you two got together. As hard as it is, try to let go of the idea of getting her back, because odds are, she wont come back. Nothing you can do will change her mind, but there is a lot you can do to push her away. This is why no contact is so important. Odds are, after some time has passed, she will contact you, likely asking whether or not you two can be friends. Tell her you can't be friends, and that while you don't agree with her decision to break up, you understand why she did and that you respect it, and for her to respect your request for space. Then stick to your decision unless she makes it clear that she wants to give it another try. You'll be tempted to break NC, and odds are you will, but try your best not to. She made her decision, and you don't owe her anything. I'm sorry you're going through this, but I promise it gets easier. Just try to relax. Whether you get back with her or just move on, either way is going to take some time, so try to be patient. FOCUS ON YOU!
Author zero327 Posted January 29, 2009 Author Posted January 29, 2009 Ive tried to, she doesnt want to hear it, I broke down and begged for her to talk to me for 15 minutes. She says this isnt giving me space. I just want to apologize and tell her how i really feel. I know I can fix where I was lacking and be better. I would do anything for her, and I have. I was just lacking in certain parts and I didnt realize how important they were until it was over. It hurts. I guess I should go that was so I dont get shot down anymore. I just dont see how she can go from wanting to marry me a few days before to completely breaking it off. We have been through alot together, shared alot of first experiances. She has changed for me when I wasnt happy... why cant I do the same for her. And we have never gone a day without atleast talking. Im starting to feel better though. I finally got hungry, my stomach constantly felt sick for the past week. Thanks for replying. I was hoping I wouldnt hear this.
Author zero327 Posted January 30, 2009 Author Posted January 30, 2009 She came into work tonight... I work in a large retail store. I was on my way out to go smoke a cigarette on break... and there she was looking all pretty. I got excited for a split second but then just walked past her. She was on the phone with her father and didnt say anything and neither did I. When i got outside she was leaving and when she drove by she waved to me which made me angry... I didnt wave back. That ruined my night seeing her. I went into work to give me something to do... take my mind off of things. Then bam. I dont know what to do... like I said before we work together but in differant parts of the store... BUT before she broke up with me she picked up a shift where I work, I will be her boss on Saturday night. I dont know what I should do... It will be very awkward. Maybe she will call out. On another note a mutaul coworker friend she has been hanging out with was talking to me and said that she(the ex) still cares about me and that I just need to give her time... Am I still hopeless? I know I could change the things in our relationship that she was unhappy with... I really do want to get back together with her, I am ready to be more serious. I know I know you all say NC get over it, its hopeless...
justletgo07 Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 It's not hopeless. Nothing is hopeless. People are recommending NC because you are so torn up over all of this. You need to step back and get yourself put back together. You're not in the right state of mind to go back and make things work. You're so consumed with the fear of losing her forever that even if she does come back, you're running a huge risk of taking things too fast, or coming off as way too needy and clingy. She has requested space and time. If you don't give this to her, and be patient, it is even less likely that she will come back. If you push her, or persue her, or try to convince her that you can change, all you will succeed in doing is pushing her away further, as well as helping her justify to herself her reasons for dumping you. If you can get to the point where you truly believe the following things, you'll be in a good spot to get her back, or be fine if you don't: 1) I can live without you, no problem 2) My love for you will definitely change 3) You're not everything I need 4) I won't always hold you close 5) You and I aren't one Seriously...if you can look at your relationship and at her and think these things, then you are truly ready for a healthy, happy relationship. Trust me.
Recommended Posts