ihate22him Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 I have been with my husband for 5 years. Let me first tell you right off the bat, I did not marry this man out of LOVE. It came to a point in our relationship where I could not take his lies, drug use, and cheating on me anymore so I left him at the age of 22 with our 1 year old daughter. I found myself in a place that I could not afford to pay all of her daycare costs and costs of living on my own so I started working 3 jobs jsut to support us. The nights that I had to myself, I started drinking. More and more for about a total of 6 months I started having the fun that young girls do that ultimately let me to guilt and a suicide attempt. What sent me over the edge was my 1yr old sat on the couch next to me and counted to 5. At first I was soooo happy that she counted on her own, then I realized just as quickly, I was not the one who taught her. I remembered the harsh words of my husband about a week before when he told me that I was a worthless whore and I should save him the lawyers fees and just kill myself. I dropped off my daughter at her dads, went out and got extremely intoxicated that night. I did coke for the first time since I graduated highschool. I promised myself that I would not become the mother that my mother was to me. I slit my wrists. When woke up at the hospital, I was out of anestesia for not more than an hour and my husband and dad were there. My husband gave me some song and dance about how the state was going to task custody of my daughter because of what I did unless i signed these papers that would expire when I got out of the hospital. My dad was there and agreed with him. I couldnt read the papers but I did scribble my signature. I signed temporary custody over to him. He lied. If that wasnt bad enough, while I was in recovery two nights later, he called up to the hospital and told me that he refinanced the car out of our names and put it in his. He took my daughter, my car, went through all of her toys and clothes and keepsakes. He went and claimed her on his tax return and tried to claim the daycare that I paid. He was trying to beat me down. When I got out, he started playing God with visitation and said I was a dangerous person which is probably the farthest thing from the truth. My daughter to this day, has still never seen me intoxicated. I do that when she is not around. So there we were. After 12 hard months of him controlling me when we were separated. I went through 10 months of the AA recovery program just for the support of other adults, I couldnt take it anymore. i hated to see my little girl hurting or hearing horrible things about me that he would tell her. He would have other women sleep in the same bed as my daughter and him. His roomate was only 20 and they constantly had drinking parties during the week and on weekends. I video taped all the cars in the alley. I told him finally that I missed him and loved him and he moved me back home. I had to be around her all the time. I got the underaged roomate out of the house and we got married. Within one week of being married, he had another woman over when i was sleeping downstairs. He did some sexual things to her on our kitchen table. She told me about a month afterwards of the incodent, and how he goes to her house for Vikadin everyday. I knew I made a huge mistake. But I had the upper hand with our daugter finally. What do i do? I trust this girl who came clean. She opened her home to me and my daughter only to find out it was all a scam. This was November. About two weeks before Christmas, she tells me that the insurance wouldnt cover me being there and I had to move. I pleaded with her to tell me the truth and that I cant ruin Christmas for my little girl. I found out the same day that she told my husband to call social services and she would be a witness and say I was abusing my daughter. They had it planned that she would let me live there, kick me out so i would look instable, and file a false report so he would have the upper hand again. I was seeing another man. Now. Im pregnant again. It's not his. It was not planned but I had to make one of the hardest decisions of my life. Who was I to bring a child into this madness? He told me that if I didnt have an abortion that he would take me to court and get everything finalized. Through my own irresponsibility I was stuck. But I couldnt do it. I moved out and found my own place. We had it worked out that I have her four days a week he has her 3. He did not bathe her properly, he constantly yelled, cussed, said things in front of the kids he shouldnt about sex, women, drugs and partying. I tried my hardest to turn my head and try and make up for his behavior when she was with me. It got so bad that I did it again. I lied. I told him I loved him and that he cant control me by hurting me any more. I came home again. he took me back pregnant, and signed the birth certificiate for my baby girl. He told me durning an argument that the only reason he did that, was a Judge would use that to difine his character as a father when we separate. He does love her though. I see it in his eyes and the way he looks at her. He shows the baby more attention than his own children. I have a different perspective on things now. I am trying to creat a peaceful life for my girls to grow up in. He is still abusive emotionally. He breaks things out of anger. Cusses at the kids. Uses their bedrooms and TVs for babysitters. Does noting but play poker online or watch TV. He does clean the house because he is also OCD. I have saught marriage counseling which was the worst thing we have done. It made things so much worse. She asked me what i appreciated about him. I had a list of qualities I liked. She asked him the same about me. He said my hair. Ive gotten mood stabilizers to help me with coping with the anxiety he makes me feel when he acts this way. They work only when he is not around. He promises me that he will work on his anger by counting to 3. Ive yet to see it happen. Each time I say this just isnt working and I want to leave he said he will put a bullet in my head and pleade insanity so he will be released in 3 yrs or so. I actually got him on tape recorder saying these things to me and things he has said to me since 2007. He just found the tape recorder yesterday and destroyed it. He always comes back to my suicide attempt three years ago and uses that against me in every argument. I am so emotionally torn. I cant leave. I dont have any family for 800 miles in each direction and that is why he is doing this. I want to take the girls and run. He even said that he couldnt care for our daughter the way I could, but he would take her just out of spite. Who is this person? Where did all this hatred come from? What can I do to prevent my daugher to fall victim to these childish games to hurt one another. How do I raise my children in a more comforting and positive environment? He also works for the gas company and i just found out he has been writing off charges for this one customer in exchange for Vikadin. His 9year old son is on medication and is failing 3rd grade. He says things like "I dont even know why I am here". His mother is starting to do things to endanger my children as well. either he or she is lying saying we punch and kick him and we have had child services over here about six times now to investigate. He finally told me that his mom is having him tell his teacher at school we hurt him.. They are going to take away these kids and I am one hell of a good mother.. He is a good man, and works hard to provide for his family. It is his personality that is so detached from reality. From the simple concept of "cause and effect" that i cannot live with. If you say that person is really fat! He does not get that our four year old will say the same thing. I keep trying to do what I think is right. I am so lost and scared.
Geishawhelk Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 This post is so full of poison, it's toxic just to read it. you need professional help, both in the form of counselling, and possibly legal advice. You need to find a woman's refuge, but of primary importance is the well-being of your daughter. Exposing her to this kind of atmosphere is simply perpetuating the behaviour everybody is acting out. I'm sorry, i have no more than this to offer. This is just too horrid for words. Get out, get help and get clear of this.
SRV Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 One word for you, GET OUT, RUN AND NEVER LOOK BACK! You need to get some support around you, preferrably your mother if she is available and tell your story. There are also numbers you can call in regards to the abuse. Do not be a statistic. When someone threatens to put a bullet in you, you need to call the cops, get a restraining order and RUN and never look back. Please get some help ASAP.
whichwayisup Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 Please get therapy to help you. Sorry I can't add much more than that..
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