Template Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 Sorry guys, I posted this in another thread, but was recommended not to hijack and start my own. Much apologies for the inconvenience and/or confustion. So here's the fact with my ex. (moved in nov. 08) -When I first moved in with her, we discussed finances, and we determined that I would pay for the utilities and groceries. -I paid her $1000 for Nov. (I don't know what the real total is, just paid her 1000 to be nice.) -I bought a TV (~1700 dollars), that was supposed to be ours. My contribution to the new relationship, etc. -Paid her $1000 at the end of December. (Still don't know what the real total of the utilities and groceries were). -Broke up a week later. She kept the tv claiming it was a birthday gift (never implied it was, and said it was to cover consumable for the two months I was there), and because of the haste departure (kicked out), I had to used the money that was originally in my checking account to provide myself shelter at a cheap hotel-thus bouncing the check. Now she is hounding me for the $1000 bucks. So what do y'all think.
Geishawhelk Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 THis situation is different to the one of the poster (thread you originally posted in.) I would suppose you have at least proof you took the money from your account, and at least the receipt for the TV. You have contributed to the household expenses, and so it's not as if you just hitched a free ride. She would have to prove you owe money and the fact that you did contribute something is in your favour. I think you basically need to call her bluff and say - "I did this, this, this and this. I have proof and evidence. If you feel lucky, sue me." I doubt she will.
BikerBeagle Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 I'm not going to go back and check, but I remember reading your original post and, at that time, it wasn't clear that you had paid anything for December ...citing the issues of needing to find your own place. I remember thinking ...yeah, well, you do owe her for December since you were still living with her ...but if you have, in fact, paid her for December, as you state above, then as far as I'm concerned, you obligation is done. If you haven't, that obligation still exists regardless of your current living situation. The TV is a non-issue. This is obviously a misunderstanding of intent or blatant deception that you will never likely get any closure on. Bottom line is, it is in her possession now, you didn't take it with you when you left ...it's hers. At best, you could sue her for half of it's current value as community property, but going back now and saying, "this was my intent at the time" is a moot -and weak- legal argument ...you'd probably lose.
curiousnycgirl Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 I thougt we already covered this - although I didn't know anything about the TV set. So let us review: 1. did you buy her anything else for her birthday? if so that is your response to her point about the TV being her gift, and you should take it back. If not - then just let it go. 2. Ask her for a copy of the utility bill for the time you were living there, and estimate groceries for that same time period. I am willing to bet ALOT of money that it will total less than the $1,000 you paid in November. 2a. Let this be a lesson for the future, if you agree to pay the ultilities and groceries, don't just write a check. Pay for those items. Period full stop. 3. The $1,000 you paid her at the end of december was to cover the upcoming month's expenses (again don't do this in the future - pay the actual bills) - since she through you out, you are no longer enjoying the benefit of those groceries or utilities. 3a. In theory your verbal agreement with her could be considered a landlord/tenant situation, in which case she cannot legally toss you out without any notice. Just tell her to pound salt, PLEASE!
BikerBeagle Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 yeah, I just went back and looked ...the check you wrote her for December bounced, I remember now. Personally, I think the mature and responsible thing to do is to pay her what you owe her. It was a business transaction that you agreed to ...you were still living there in December ...now you need to man up and keep your word. Don't be a weasal.
Author Template Posted January 28, 2009 Author Posted January 28, 2009 I thougt we already covered this - although I didn't know anything about the TV set. So let us review: 1. did you buy her anything else for her birthday? if so that is your response to her point about the TV being her gift, and you should take it back. If not - then just let it go. 2. Ask her for a copy of the utility bill for the time you were living there, and estimate groceries for that same time period. I am willing to bet ALOT of money that it will total less than the $1,000 you paid in November. 2a. Let this be a lesson for the future, if you agree to pay the ultilities and groceries, don't just write a check. Pay for those items. Period full stop. 3. The $1,000 you paid her at the end of december was to cover the upcoming month's expenses (again don't do this in the future - pay the actual bills) - since she through you out, you are no longer enjoying the benefit of those groceries or utilities. 3a. In theory your verbal agreement with her could be considered a landlord/tenant situation, in which case she cannot legally toss you out without any notice. Just tell her to pound salt, PLEASE! hehe.. I love you nygirl 1. Yep. I bought her actual b-day gifts. The TV was ordered and delivered well before her b-day (3 weeks) 2. Oh I agree. I am in an apartment now, and with RENT, utilities and groceries, I'm BARELY skimming over $1000. 2a. You are right. I thought I was just being nice. Guess that's what happens when you are blinded in love. 3. Actually the $1000 was for December. Even then though I can guarantee groceries was far less than Nov. However, she states she's entitled to the TV because of consumable used (i would tend to assume utitlies and groceries) 3a. GOOD POINT!! The way I look at this is $1000 + $1000 + $1800 = $3800. That's a whole lot of utilities and groceries for 2 mos. Even $2800 is a exhorbiant amount. Crazy huh!
techfan Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 she kicked you out. You don't owe her squat. Move on and if she bugs you have proof of what you paid for. Sucks to see relationships end and then see money involved.... sorry to hear.
Author Template Posted January 28, 2009 Author Posted January 28, 2009 THis situation is different to the one of the poster (thread you originally posted in.) I would suppose you have at least proof you took the money from your account, and at least the receipt for the TV. You have contributed to the household expenses, and so it's not as if you just hitched a free ride. She would have to prove you owe money and the fact that you did contribute something is in your favour. I think you basically need to call her bluff and say - "I did this, this, this and this. I have proof and evidence. If you feel lucky, sue me." I doubt she will. Oh yeah! When I recieved a harassing phone call about her wanting to take legal action, I simply emailed her the link to the process of small claims court here in Raleigh. Basically told her, see you in court!
curiousnycgirl Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 so you guys are still communicating - did you get your suit back? I'm willing to bet that TV would be a very nice addition to your new apartment. Tell her that you will come get your TV, and once it is loaded into your vehicle, you will sit down with her to review the receipts she can present for the groceries, and copies of the utility bills for November and December. If you owe her money (highly unlikely) then tell her you will give her cash on the spot. Or you can tell her that you entered into the agreement with the expectation of a mutually supportive relationship - which she clearly renegged on when you were bleeding and she couldn't be bothered to get you to the hospital (I feel a need to remind you of this - why is that?!) - therefore SHE is in breach of any agreements. Let me tell you this one is a very sorry piece of work. How you ever considered her a good one is beyond me. Move on. Stop speaking to her. Get a damn restaining order - whatever it takes. She thinks she is entitled, newsflash - she's not!
Author Template Posted January 28, 2009 Author Posted January 28, 2009 so you guys are still communicating - did you get your suit back? I'm willing to bet that TV would be a very nice addition to your new apartment. Tell her that you will come get your TV, and once it is loaded into your vehicle, you will sit down with her to review the receipts she can present for the groceries, and copies of the utility bills for November and December. If you owe her money (highly unlikely) then tell her you will give her cash on the spot. Or you can tell her that you entered into the agreement with the expectation of a mutually supportive relationship - which she clearly renegged on when you were bleeding and she couldn't be bothered to get you to the hospital (I feel a need to remind you of this - why is that?!) - therefore SHE is in breach of any agreements. Let me tell you this one is a very sorry piece of work. How you ever considered her a good one is beyond me. Move on. Stop speaking to her. Get a damn restaining order - whatever it takes. She thinks she is entitled, newsflash - she's not! GREAT Advice. Yeah, she does a good job of convincing guys she's a good one. Not just me. Too bad too... gives real women a bad name. You are right though, I need to get my suit back, if she already hasn't dumped it, and knowing her, she did. f--k her. Lousy ex.
curiousnycgirl Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 gives real women a bad name. Yep don't paint me with her brush - if you stalker button me, you'll see I am almost exactly her opposite. f--k her. Lousy ex. Word! Now shout it out and OWN that feeling!
curiousnycgirl Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 Forgot to mention , if you lose your resolve PM me, post here - we'll remind you!
GirlNextDoor11 Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 I totally agree with nycgirl....damn $1000 a month for utilites and grocerys....I have a 3 bedroom house and my utilites and grocerys don't even come to $700 and she had an apartment! I wouldn't even give her the dec $1000 until she shows you reciepts for the everything for Nov and Dec. And if and only if it comes to more then the orginal $1000 you gave her for Nov would I give her the difference but for some reason I doubt that will happen! Alot of apartments include some of the utilites in the rent so she is really scamming you! Good luck! ps Get your TV back too!
DSM-IV Tom Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 Sorry guys, I posted this in another thread, but was recommended not to hijack and start my own. Much apologies for the inconvenience and/or confustion. So here's the fact with my ex. (moved in nov. 08) -When I first moved in with her, we discussed finances, and we determined that I would pay for the utilities and groceries. -I paid her $1000 for Nov. (I don't know what the real total is, just paid her 1000 to be nice.) -I bought a TV (~1700 dollars), that was supposed to be ours. My contribution to the new relationship, etc. -Paid her $1000 at the end of December. (Still don't know what the real total of the utilities and groceries were). -Broke up a week later. She kept the tv claiming it was a birthday gift (never implied it was, and said it was to cover consumable for the two months I was there), and because of the haste departure (kicked out), I had to used the money that was originally in my checking account to provide myself shelter at a cheap hotel-thus bouncing the check. Now she is hounding me for the $1000 bucks. So what do y'all think. TELL HER TO SWALLOW BLEACH. Should you pay her? F*** NO.
D-Lish Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 yeah, I just went back and looked ...the check you wrote her for December bounced, I remember now. Personally, I think the mature and responsible thing to do is to pay her what you owe her. It was a business transaction that you agreed to ...you were still living there in December ...now you need to man up and keep your word. Don't be a weasal. She kicked him out- if there was an agreement- she owed him notice! She kicked him out with no where to go and no notice. She has no legal claim. $3800 for two months??? That's ridiculous.
thegoodlife Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 Don't pay her. You moved miles away to be with her, made your contributions, gave her money for the time you were there, were a caring boyfriend, got a f*cking surgery FOR HER, and when you were in need of immediate medical attention she wouldn't take you and then proceeded to kick you out because she overheard you call her an evil f*cking bitch- which is exactly what she is. You went above and beyond for her and she left you out on your own. You don't owe her anything. Just take care of yourself. You need food and shelter for yourself. She was taking care of herself just fine before you came along. Ugh I really don't like her.
lonelygurl Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 personally there is not enough information in your post for me to form an opinion. I personally just went through this with my X but we lived together for a few years and in Ontario it is law to give 60 days notice therefore he did give me two months of money that he paid me and btw I kept the new TV he bought only because he kept stuff that we bought together. That is another reason an opinion can't be formed because you don't actually say how long you lived together or else I missed it or misunderstood????????? If you were living together for some time then common-law rules in most places take effect and anything bought during that time becomes a 50/50 deal and depending on where you live it can be as short as living together for six months. So that is where problems can start with the handle of people's "belongings".
curiousnycgirl Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 personally there is not enough information in your post for me to form an opinion. I personally just went through this with my X but we lived together for a few years and in Ontario it is law to give 60 days notice therefore he did give me two months of money that he paid me and btw I kept the new TV he bought only because he kept stuff that we bought together. That is another reason an opinion can't be formed because you don't actually say how long you lived together or else I missed it or misunderstood????????? Lonelygirl - while all the details of his relationship are not in this thread (we all read his earlier/first post) - he does say within this thread, that he only lived there for 2 months. And I think we all made it obvious in our responses, that she gave him no notice before kicking him out.
lonelygurl Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 Lonelygirl - while all the details of his relationship are not in this thread (we all read his earlier/first post) - he does say within this thread, that he only lived there for 2 months. And I think we all made it obvious in our responses, that she gave him no notice before kicking him out. I did not read through all the responses.....but thanks.
Author Template Posted January 29, 2009 Author Posted January 29, 2009 I'm not going to go back and check, but I remember reading your original post and, at that time, it wasn't clear that you had paid anything for December ...citing the issues of needing to find your own place. I remember thinking ...yeah, well, you do owe her for December since you were still living with her ...but if you have, in fact, paid her for December, as you state above, then as far as I'm concerned, you obligation is done. If you haven't, that obligation still exists regardless of your current living situation. The TV is a non-issue. This is obviously a misunderstanding of intent or blatant deception that you will never likely get any closure on. Bottom line is, it is in her possession now, you didn't take it with you when you left ...it's hers. At best, you could sue her for half of it's current value as community property, but going back now and saying, "this was my intent at the time" is a moot -and weak- legal argument ...you'd probably lose. You make some strong points BikerBeagle. To clarify, I wrote a check at the end of December, to cover the December Expenses, but because of the events that transpired, it bounced. The "this was my intent", may be a weak legal argument, but so is her grounds for the $1000 as there was no written legal contract saying so. I just gave her $1000, and continuted to, because I just wanted to be nice (we've all been there). And, it's to cover groceries and utilities only. So I truly doubt it was really $1000. Like I said, I invite her to take me to court. Then SHE would have to provide documentation of the amount owed for Utilties and groceries for Dec. at which point I'll countersue for half of the TV. I really doubt if SHE won, she'll be able to prove a full $1000 - I have a friend in the area that has a house almost twice the size with a wife and two kids, and he told me he doesn't spend $1000 on groceries and utilities.
BikerBeagle Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 Here's the rub, Template... ... you already paid her $1000 for December - thereby agreeing to the terms and conditions of the arrangement and committing that you owed her $1000 for December - it just so happened that your check bounced. From a legal standpoint, going back now to renegotiate what you have already agreed to pay isn't going to go in your favor in a court of law, regardless what the original verbal agreement stated. Here's why ...she won't be taking you to court to uphold your end of a verbal agreement, she'll be taking you to court to make good on your bounced check (which is a misdemeanor crime in most states and can get you put in jail, btw). What will most likely happen is that you would be forced to pay her $1000 ...probably being charged with a crime ...and, then, you'll have to do a counter small claim for the difference. A bounced check trumps a questionable verbal agreement any day of the week in a court of law.
BUENG1 Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 You make some strong points BikerBeagle. To clarify, I wrote a check at the end of December, to cover the December Expenses, but because of the events that transpired, it bounced. The "this was my intent", may be a weak legal argument, but so is her grounds for the $1000 as there was no written legal contract saying so. I just gave her $1000, and continuted to, because I just wanted to be nice (we've all been there). And, it's to cover groceries and utilities only. So I truly doubt it was really $1000. Like I said, I invite her to take me to court. Then SHE would have to provide documentation of the amount owed for Utilties and groceries for Dec. at which point I'll countersue for half of the TV. I really doubt if SHE won, she'll be able to prove a full $1000 - I have a friend in the area that has a house almost twice the size with a wife and two kids, and he told me he doesn't spend $1000 on groceries and utilities. I would just let her sue you. You can say she should pay you damages for kicking you out without notice, and you should demand your half of the depreciated value of the tv. When you take those out sounds like you don't owe much anyway. If she sues make sure you counter sue in court.
Author Template Posted January 29, 2009 Author Posted January 29, 2009 Here's the rub, Template... ... you already paid her $1000 for December - thereby agreeing to the terms and conditions of the arrangement and committing that you owed her $1000 for December - it just so happened that your check bounced. From a legal standpoint, going back now to renegotiate what you have already agreed to pay isn't going to go in your favor in a court of law, regardless what the original verbal agreement stated. Here's why ...she won't be taking you to court to uphold your end of a verbal agreement, she'll be taking you to court to make good on your bounced check (which is a misdemeanor crime in most states and can get you put in jail, btw). What will most likely happen is that you would be forced to pay her $1000 ...probably being charged with a crime ...and, then, you'll have to do a counter small claim for the difference. A bounced check trumps a questionable verbal agreement any day of the week in a court of law. Very hard indeed. Did we agree on a $1000 a month; no. However, we did agree on utilities and groceries. Though, like D-lish says, then wouldn't this constitute a landlord/tenant agreement, and wouldn't this be considered an unlawful eviction? I can see it from both sides. Now I can go in an explain, that the circumstances that SHE put me through forced me to do what I have to do. I certainly didn't write the check to bounce it, and it certainly would not have bounced had she not kick me out unmercifully, so she cannot claim she didn't have a direct correlation in this situation. So if a judge feels that it's more important that I live on the streets AFTER coming out of a hospital, then so be it. Then not only should I countersue, but also charge her with failure to render aid, which is a felony in Texas, don't know about NC.
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