My situation (she left me for another man)

[a_f_w]

Hi everyone. Well, this won't be a very new or exciting story, but I'd like to tell it anyway. I'm 22 now, and 2.5 years ago I met a girl at university. She's just less than a year younger than me. We got on well and became a very close couple indeed. She was the first girl I so much as held hands with, and I was her first everything as well.

 

We had a great two years together there, and then when we left university I moved house so that I could live in the same town as her. Within two months she had left me for another man.

She met him at work, and used to tell me how she likes him and stuff. I thought it was harmless - we'd talk about stuff like that. Then she wanted to go round to his house on New Year's eve. I was pretty sad, we had plans, but I knew she wanted to go, and I realised that if I insisted that she couldn't, then she'd probably just want to do it even more, and besides I shouldn't have to tell my girlfriend if she can do that kind of thing. We talked about it and she assured me clearly that nothing would happen and she was just his friend, etc.

Well, three days later I finally managed to get in touch with her and it turns out they slept together that night, every night since, and for the following two weeks she barely left his side. Today is exactly four weeks on from New Year's eve. I met up with her and I couldn't believe it was the same person. Suddenly she had zero feelings for me, and never wanted to see me again. It was like she'd been possessed or something, or killed and replaced by someone else. I was really ****ing broken about it, like my whole reality was just shattered. I couldn't hold it together at all. Everything I had done, and everything I wanted to do, was built on us - and I really thought there was nothing left. For the first few days I seriously had to think of good reasons not to kill myself.

 

We've met up a few times since, and her attitudes change so quickly. She's cold and hateful mostly, but sometimes not. Sure we had problems - who doesn't? But overall things felt pretty good to me, and she never voiced any serious concerns. Right up to the end we were behaving affectionately, being friendly, and being intimate. Then WHAM, as the clock struck midnight for 2009, she became a completely different person.

 

She was my only friend here, and I literally don't know another living soul within 100 miles. So NC was a very hard policy to stick to. In fact I haven't done so for more than 6 days or so. She has initiated conversation a few times as well, but mostly it's me.

She tells me that she feels nothing towards me at all, and doesn't care about how I feel or about what she did to me. I don't know how someone can suddenly be so heartless. In our conversations I've tried to ask her what it is that attracted her away from me, but they're all stupid little reasons. Or ones that don't make any sense at all. He does have significantly more material stuff than me, since I came here on a train with what I could I fit in a rucksack, and am living in a rented room in the city. He has a great house in the woods, a car, etc. I doubt that's all there is to it, but I am certain they are very appealing things to her, or to any woman.

 

So she's showed no emotion, regret or remorse at all, until the last time I really saw her, when I basically had calmed down enough to not be a begging faggot, and I explained how incredibly angry I am at what she did, and that there's no way I could ever trust her again, let alone love her, and that this ship has definately sailed. Then she cried quite a lot, and that evening kept saying how much she likes me and referring to "us" and things. She also asked for copies of some pictures of us that I had.

 

Well it's all a long story and I haven't explained it very well here. I have a longgg thread about it elsewhere, but I just wanted to hear some new voices.

I've been trying to keep NC recently, though it's hard. I know in my head that there is no going back, but that's difficult to deal with because I really loved her a lot. Everything about her, her family, her future, was just amazing and exactly what I wanted - but what I've learned about her character from all this, and what she is and isn't capable of, shows me that overall she just isn't what I thought.

She has never loved me, and she says that she never loves anyone - apparently she just doesn't feel things towards other people. I do believe I am a pretty great person, frankly, and so I look forward to one day finding someone who thinks the same. Perhaps some people can love anyone (e.g. me), and some people can't love anyone at all (e.g. her)?

 

I became attached and dependant on her. I had talked to her seriously on a couple of occasions in the last 6 months and said that, considering how she is not really satisfied with me, that we should end our relationship. But whenever I did she would cling on as hard as she could, and beg and beg for me to stay. That's anyone's reaction, I suppose (It was mine, when she left me, after all). So I stayed with her, and then she kept me strung along until she was sure she had someone else. That's what makes me most angry, I think. She let it continue for so long, and let me ****ing move my life here, at great expense and trouble (I have no job, no friends...), and then ditched me anyway.

 

 

It's been very hard for me to move on, and I've been very, very ill since she left me. I can barely eat or sleep, and have no energy, constant nausea, anxious tension in my chest... you know what I mean. I think the main problem is that I just don't know anyone else! She was my best friend and my main hobby was just being with her. I also am not in an easy position to meet new people (whereas university was very easy for that). I miss having female company, and I really want to meet new girls. Not for sex or anything like that - that's not my style. But I just want to talk to them and see what they're like. I am assured it would help me to forget her. I have no idea how to find anyone, though. I am a fairly handsome man, if I may say so, though I suppose my current appearance is not to everyone's tastes. I am certainly confident in myself and believe that I have a tremendous amount to offer someone.

 

I don't know what I'm asking here, but thanks for reading. Every time I talk about it it helps a lot. I wish there were more people in real life I could talk to (i.e. more than none), because that helps in it's own ways as well. I can be more expressive.

Recently I did chat to a mutual friend of ours, a girl (more her friend than mine), and that was good because she knew us and so it seemed more relevant. She expressed her dissapointment with how my girlfriend acted, and agreed that she thought we'd kind of stay together forever. My girlfriend's friends are all supportive of her, of course - and I know she has told them, and her family, that we broke up and then she found someone new. Well, maybe she does see it that way, but she just forgot to tell me we had broken up, lol.

 

 

bah, anyway, I'll leave it there.

 

Thanks for any replies

 

[xero]

Yeah I can sort of relate. The girl I was with dropped me off at the airport so I could leave school for the summer and told me she loved me. One month later I'm single because she couldn't handle being in a relationship. Well in September she started talking to another guy, denied it was anything and stopped talking me altogether. Found out about a month ago that they are "in love" and in a relationship.

 

Karma has a way of taking care of these things. Pity the man who is with your girl now. He'll get the same treatment you got at some point.

[a_f_w]

Karma has a way of taking care of these things. Pity the man who is with your girl now. He'll get the same treatment you got at some point.

 

He will indeed. She's 21 and clearly not one to "settle down", I think. She says that she doesn't feel anything much for anyone at all, so I doubt somehow this guy will change that. He was the very first man, since me, that showed an active interest in her, and she just went along with it.

I don't hate him - she told him she was single and he didn't find out until a couple of weeks had passed that actually we were still together at the time. Actually, I really don't know if she ever told him - probably not, come to think about it.

Also, just a few months ago his girlfriend of 3 years left him in a similar way. It's a shame that he was misled into creating another such situation in the world, as perhaps he would have rather not participated.

 

I'd quite like to talk to him, but obviously that's out of the question, since it would constitute interfering with their relationship now. Maybe one day I will be able to, though.

[xero]

Maybe one day you won't give a crap. And thank God for that.

 

As far as people not feeling much sounds like my ex. Lots of personal issues. She may feel for people but her way of feeling my be all jumbled out of control. Or she may mask any feelings with being closed off and cold hearted like my ex did. Who knows about that but one thing you do know is that if someone is that much of a maze to figure out it might be best you are away from them no matter how bad it hurts right now.

[a_f_w]

My (ex-)girlfriend works just up the road from where I live, and every day her and her boyfriend drive past my house to take her to and from there. I can't help but see them occasionally, and it makes me feel terrible. I was thinking of sending an e-mail to her boyfriend to ask him to take an alternative route? Many are available, the way they go now is probably not even the best.

I know it's breaking NC, but every day now for 30 mins I know they might be driving past, and it really ****s me up and reminds me of it all. When I see them it's even worse.

 

Shall I contact him? It would, of course, be polite and direct.

[xero]

Yeah well I lived at school and worked at school over the summer and guess where my ex was working? At school and her office was across from my dorm. I'd walk by her car every time I went in or out of my dorm and would run into her a few times per week on campus.

 

So your situation isn't that bad at all. Don't bother telling them anything about where to drive, they'll think you're nuts.

[Ramrod]

Cold, heartless and ruthless b*tch.

 

Lonely, contact your family, see if one of them can come stay with you awhile.

 

Sad, go out, get busy and find another woman.

 

Whatever you do, stay away from that soul-snatching vampiress, you will need time to heal.

 

Whenever you find yourself feeling suicidal repeat these phrases to yourself:

 

I love you. Your are good. You are important. You are special. You are loved.

 

When she contact you, which she will to gloat over the damage she's done, tell her in a slow, calm manner, almost in a whisper "I've had serious thoughts about killing you" and I promise, she'll leave you alone.

 

Trust me. Works like a charm. She'll go away and never come back.

[Knight_Ctrl]

Cold, heartless and ruthless b*tch.

 

Lonely, contact your family, see if one of them can come stay with you awhile.

 

Sad, go out, get busy and find another woman.

 

Whatever you do, stay away from that soul-snatching vampiress, you will need time to heal.

 

Whenever you find yourself feeling suicidal repeat these phrases to yourself:

 

I love you. Your are good. You are important. You are special. You are loved.

 

When she contact you, which she will to gloat over the damage she's done, tell her in a slow, calm manner, almost in a whisper "I've had serious thoughts about killing you" and I promise, she'll leave you alone.

 

Trust me. Works like a charm. She'll go away and never come back.

 

I love this post so much <3 thank you.

[a_f_w]

It's true, Ramrod. I can't believe I thought so highly of her, and that I was so wrong. I guess you never know about people until they're tested by a certain situation and scenario and then you see how they react. I value commitment and fidelity, and I suppose she doesn't (at this stage in her life, at least). And I'm not just saying that I do - since I've been with her I've had several opportunities to move on to another woman who wanted me, one who was very physically and directly asking to have sex with me, lol.

 

I suppose I'm not entirely surprised she could do this - because she definitely just doesn't really care about anyone. She's said herself that that's the case. Like imagine if you hit someone with your car and really broke them up - most people would feel awful about it and really feel terrible, but my gf is someone who kind of wouldn't be able to empathise at all. Some people are like that, I suppose :/

 

It's a shame because I REALLY love her family, and they like me a lot as well. I'm sad that I won't be able to be a part of it any more. She hasn't told them how we broke up, and I regret that they must therefore think I wanted to leave her as well.

[Justmike101]

Your ex is less than a human being. Call her for what she is, a big B. Hang tight there good man you will pull through.

 

Similar thing happened to me as well. My ex dropped me the same day I lost my job, citizenship, and a week away from law school exam for another man. Not all girls are like our exs. Some are actually considerate and mature enough to handle it the right way. What she did isn't simply immature. She is evil, deceitful, and ruthless. Thank God that it ended before you had kids or marriage with her. Goodness these girls...

[DSM-IV Tom]

I agree with all the evil posts in this topic. Your ex is psychotic, idiotic, a failure at life, and probably as ugly on the outside as she is on the inside.

 

If I were you, I'd put her phone # on this one website, and I'd laugh at how over 500 psychopaths will call her.

[Justmike101]

It's true, Ramrod. I can't believe I thought so highly of her, and that I was so wrong. I guess you never know about people until they're tested by a certain situation and scenario and then you see how they react. I value commitment and fidelity, and I suppose she doesn't (at this stage in her life, at least). And I'm not just saying that I do - since I've been with her I've had several opportunities to move on to another woman who wanted me, one who was very physically and directly asking to have sex with me, lol.

 

I suppose I'm not entirely surprised she could do this - because she definitely just doesn't really care about anyone. She's said herself that that's the case. Like imagine if you hit someone with your car and really broke them up - most people would feel awful about it and really feel terrible, but my gf is someone who kind of wouldn't be able to empathise at all. Some people are like that, I suppose :/

 

It's a shame because I REALLY love her family, and they like me a lot as well. I'm sad that I won't be able to be a part of it any more. She hasn't told them how we broke up, and I regret that they must therefore think I wanted to leave her as well.

 

The same hopelessness, suicidal thoughts, and meaningless life are all symptoms we face when something tragic happens. It is a tragedy. But believe me you will pull through. Right now, you need to understand that your self-esteem and ego took a really hard blow and it's going to take a while to build it back up. Stick to NC. Trust me on this, there is no other way out. There is no way for you to reconciliate with her at any point in the near future. You can try to contact her again and learn the hard way after being chewed up a bit more, but I assure you that you will learn one way or another. NC is the way to go. Cut her out completely. See if you can move back home. You don't have a reason to be there anymore. Change your number. Don't tell her you're leaving either. Just go dude.

[a_f_w]

Your ex is ... probably as ugly on the outside as she is on the inside.

 

To this day, I've never seen anyone more physically attractive than she is. Even now, since she left me and I feel so differently towards her - I still never see anyone even close.

 

----

 

I've been thinking recently about why I liked her in the first place. And, frankly, I didn't. She REALLY liked me, a great deal, whereas at first I really wasn't certain. She started our first conversation, and she got things moving with us getting to know each other. Sure, she was really hot, but I wasn't all that into her. After a few months I started to really like her though, just as she stopped liking me. I become attached to things easily, and really overlooked her flaws, or rather the big gaps where certain qualities should have been.

[Justmike101]

dude you need to send me a PM message now. and as the guy above said, you gotta bring the misc on her. Provide some more info.

[DSM-IV Tom]

She's probably narcissistic. (Worst case scenario).

 

Was everything REALLY all about her?

 

You should post her phone number all over the internet.

[Justmike101]

no not all over the internet. you pm it to me brah.

 

edit: damn no pm system on this site. just post it here for like a minute.

[a_f_w]

sorry guys but I'm not going to "own" her on teh intrenets. I'm angry at her but ****ing her up won't do any good.

[Ramrod]

You are/were in love with a person with little or no empathy, your defining a sociopath, just so you know. In the event she does have love for herself, follow my instructions. If you allow her to be in your orbit she will tear you down even futher and possibly drive you to doing something you might ordinarily not do, such as harm yourself, or someone else, like HER!

 

So, the next time your talking with her, be it on the phone or in person, what you want to do is wait until she's running her mouth about whatever mindless blather she has on her mind, then interrupt her, and tell her (her name) ~in the same tone of voice you would share an intimate secret or tell a woman you love her~ "I've had serious thoughts about killing you". Chances are, she won't delve deeper, but if she were to, offer that you had briefly thought about killing yourself, but then it dawned on you, that if anyone is responsible for your misery it's her, tell her your "not sure just how you feel about her right now and that it might be better if she didn't come around again or call. Trust me, this b*tch loves herself, she will vacate your life once she thinks you might snap. Stay strong, there's a million fish in the sea. You will find a woman who will love and adore you. This ain't the one.

[a_f_w]

This ain't the one.

 

I know it but it doesn't help to take the pain away :/

 

I dwell on things that happened years and years ago - little things that really didn't matter. By a huge margin, this past month has been the most stressful and unpleasant time of my life so far. Unless I can learn to let go of things, of anything, I'll be feeling this for a long, long time. Years.

 

 

I really want to meet new people :/

I'll make a new thread about it in the right place

[Tony]

I have just deleted 20 posts in this thread that had ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with the original post. They were three or four people chatting about bodybuilding with some vulgar language thrown in here and there.

 

Please kindly respect fellow members and the site by posting on topic. If you want to talk about body building, go to the proper category. However, this site is not for chat. Do that with a chat client such as AIM or Yahoo. If you want to use vulgar language, go out in your back yard and shout to your neighbor.

 

Now, please, back on topic. If you don't remember what that is, read the first post in this thread.

 

Many thanks!

[a_f_w]

I have just deleted 20 posts in this thread that had ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with the original post.

 

 

Thanks, I approve!

 

----

 

Damn it, I dream about her some nights, including last night, and it gives me a really funny (and unpleasant) feeling about it all when I wake up, that sticks with me for the whole day.