missdeathwish Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 I'm sort of seeing this guy. We've been seeing each other for about a month, we generally go out once a week or so. We alternate paying (he always goes for the wallet, but I sometimes want to treat him). When we're together, he likes to cuddle and we always have interesting conversations, etc. I always get a kiss goodnight, always initiated by him. But. When we're not together, he doesn't really contact me. Boo. This only just started to bother me and I get a little pang of jealousy if he mentions another woman (which is ridiculous, since they all turn out to be just friends and married to other friends of his). So, yeah. How do I like him less or try to get him more interested? Also, what's an appropriate Valentine's Day sort of gift. We have no Valentine's Day plans and I certainly don't plan to make any, but I'm considering giving him a little something the Monday before. Should I, or should I just "forget" it? In two weeks, I'm going to stop having a reason to be in his neighborhood (other than him), so I suppose that will be a decent indicator of whether he's interested or not. (If he's willing to go to a bit more trouble to see me, as opposed to me being around anyway.) Thoughts? Thanks! PS- I know I'm not a booty call. There be no booty. (I'm taking it slow.)
prettybaby Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 Do you ever contact him during the week? Sometimes you kind of have to initiate some moves with guys and show them the green light before they'll start initiating too. Depends on their personality. Some guys just want to be extra careful with the amount of contact. As far as V-day goes, I'm looking for an answer too lol I guess a card would be a nice small thing. And if you're comfortable enough with him at that point, you could get to the booty part lol
Still Trying Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 yep, there's no reason that the woman can't initiate a date from time to time. It's the world's biggest turn on for me. That said he's acting like he's only sort of interested in you so just play it cool - maybe think of something clever to do together. I wouldn't put much (or any) focus on V-Day that has a high probability of scaring him off unless it's just a little something and it's not really a V-Day gift.
joh2141 Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 I'm going to assume that you are both out of college. People dating at that stage worry a lot about sounding or seeming desperate. I'm not saying that justifies anything but I'm just saying that this exists. Also, he MAY think he's annoying you if you contact them too much. Or maybe he believes things like relationship things are reserved for in-person. I mean, every guy is different so they can't tell you exactly what it is like. Me, personally, believe that things like romance should be done in person and not over the phone. However, I would send things over through text just as a reminder to know that we the couple are together. See what happens for Valentines Day. You guys don't have anything special "planned" but maybe he does for you.
Lauriebell82 Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 I agree that you should try initiating the contact. Maybe he is not a "phone person." How do you arrange dates? Does he call just to ask you out? I think you should try calling him in between dates..just to see how his day is. Don't chain call him or call him everyday (he may percieve that as neediness.) Have you read the book "Why Men Love Bitches"? It gives a lot of good info. One section says that guys will sometimes "test" you by displaying these types of behaviors to see how you react. Playing it cool and casually calling him seems like a good way to go. If he doesn't answer or call you he may be playing games moreso than just "testing" you. It's worth a shot though!
AlektraClementine Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 Your post indicates that you are starting to form a real attachment. Be careful. However, you should feel free to call him up and suggest plans whenever you feel like it. That's not desperate. That's practical. His response to this will be a big indicator. I say play it cool with the VDay thing. Guys don't really care for the holiday at all. They only give into it when they are really in love and care about making their girl happy. I started dating my current BF around this time last year. Our first valentine's day together was awkward. I didn't get him anything (so glad I didn't) and he totally overlooked the holiday until the morning of and I got a "oh yeah.. Happy V Day". haha. Fast forward to this year, I get an email this morning cordially asking that I remain free for Feb 14th and that he'll be treating me to an activity filled evening. Let the first VDay go. It'll be more disarming than you know.
girlygirl25 Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 Your post indicates that you are starting to form a real attachment. Be careful. However, you should feel free to call him up and suggest plans whenever you feel like it. That's not desperate. That's practical. His response to this will be a big indicator. I say play it cool with the VDay thing. Guys don't really care for the holiday at all. They only give into it when they are really in love and care about making their girl happy. I started dating my current BF around this time last year. Our first valentine's day together was awkward. I didn't get him anything (so glad I didn't) and he totally overlooked the holiday until the morning of and I got a "oh yeah.. Happy V Day". haha. Fast forward to this year, I get an email this morning cordially asking that I remain free for Feb 14th and that he'll be treating me to an activity filled evening. Let the first VDay go. It'll be more disarming than you know. Oh sheesh! My fiance isn't a huge fan of the holidy either, usually we do something small. Usually dinner and cards. I agree playing it "cool" is good. Initiating contact is okay but dont push the V-day thing.
Author missdeathwish Posted January 28, 2009 Author Posted January 28, 2009 Yeah, we're both adults. He's a bit older than I am. We both work. We've been friends for a long time, but generally don't talk relationships, so I only pick up a little bit here and there (for example, one thing that really bugged him about his ex was that she was very jealous, so I'm being extra laid-back with him). I don't usually talk to him between dates. Sometimes I'll send him an email, IM, or text. Generally I do more so than him. I guess I like the idea of "forgetting" Valentine's Day. Less pressure. But maybe I'll make a point of looking extra-cute for our date the week before.
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