Truly Lost Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 I posted on here a few days ago about my situation and to sum it up briefly as much as I can (minus the angst in my last post).... I dated this guy for a year and a half. I really loved him, but he had A LOT of baggage that I had a hard time dealing with. He told me after two months of dating that he had recently finalized his divorce and has two kids. I had no idea. I was devistated (He never disclosed that he was married or ever had any kids and there was no reason for me to think that he had, no signs what so ever). Anyway I really loved him because we seemed to (emotionally, physically and chemically) work really well together. Well, I have a good job, live with roommates, have my own car, good credit......he on the other hand doesn't have that. He has a job, but not a good paying one, bad credit, a crappy car, lives with his dad, and has to pay for child support for children he doesn't see. Needless to say he is BROKE. Anyway, our relationship went nowhere because of this situation. He couldn't ask me to move out of my current place and move in with him at all. He can't afford it. He can barely afford gas. This reality hit me hard, really hard. I can't fulfill the things I want in my life if I stay with him. I want to get married and have at least one kid, some day. I haven't experienced these things yet. Well the strain of this situation led to us breaking up. I have difficulty with this because I really love him, but I can't be truly happy with him. If he would have given me some hope it might have lasted, but there wasn't any, at least he made no effort to show me. I know getting back together with him is not at all a good idea. I'm going through the pain of breaking up because its not a good situation and to get back with him will only lead to another break up. During our relationship, I regretfully spoiled him. It made me happy to buy him things. Not to buy his love, just wanted him to have the things he couldn't get for himself. Unfortunately, it lead to me, well, pretty much paying for everything. I think, at the time, it was ultimately important to our survival, but not a solution. We had a fight on Christmas 08, and that led to our breaking up. When we spoke a few days later, he told me that he didn't want to work it out right now and that he needed more time to think (basically meaning he didn't want to break up, I think?) I told him, "No way!",.....time to think is code for its over (at least in my book). I don't really know for sure if he wanted it to be over, but I wasn't going to let him string me along, especially since I wasn't sure anymore about this relationship. He always let me take the lead in every decision making process we had. I guess I was the alpha in this relationship, which really isn't a good feeling at all, especially since I needed for him to make me feel like we were a team to support one another. I said to him at the end of the conversation that this will at least give him an opportunity to meet someone better for him. He said, he can't top me. I was the best person he ever met. What I don't understand, is its been nearly a month and he hasn't made any effort to contact me. It makes it easier to get over, but if he can't top me, then why doesn't he try to stop me from leaving? It kind of makes me feel like I was being taken advantage of.....he got what he could and the gig is up now?? I know getting back with him is a terrible idea, but I can't help not understanding the situation.....when your a good catch and they just let you go. Can anyone give me some insight??
sb129 Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 Why are you so concerned about him finding someone better for HIM? You should concern yourself with finding someone better for YOU. Yes, you have been taken advantage of. The only other thing I can say is- don't blame yourself. You will never be able to find a satisfactory answer to your questions. Chalk it up to experience, don't let yourself think that this means you are undesirable, and move on.
boldjack Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 Maybe he feels or you have let him feel like he's holding you back. Sometimes when one partner is in "success mode", and the other is in a downward trend, the one in trouble will have self-esteem problems. You have stressed in your post, his "low paying", job, his living arrangements, his shi**y car etc. Do you bring these things up to him? You say that you pay for most things. Do you remind him of this? You should examine your own attitude, first. If you care for him "support him", not necessarily financially, but emotionally. If most of your concerns are financial and/or superficial, then you should seek a partner from your own class.
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