chris250 Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 Are there actual friends with benefits websites I can go to to hook up with others who are looking for the same? I think I'll try the friends with benefits route but I don't want sex. I think this route may work better for me than a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. I want the friends with benefits title without the sex. I want to take her out to dinner, the movies, picnics, vacation spots, hold hands and cuddle but never take it to anything sexual. That's where I draw the line.
Author chris250 Posted January 28, 2009 Author Posted January 28, 2009 So you want friends? Friends with benefits without the sex.
sb129 Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 I thought the benefit WAS the sex. Otherwise you are just friends.
Author chris250 Posted January 28, 2009 Author Posted January 28, 2009 I think friends with benefits means benefits of a relationship without the responsibilities. Sex is just one of the benefits. There are other benefits one can get in a FWB relationship that does not necessarily involve sex. There are other benefits of a relationship I want without the commitment such as what I listed earlier. The holding hands and cuddling, taking road trips together, etc.
dreamergrl Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 OP nothing will fix your fear of rejection until you just grow up and deal with it. Even a friends with benefits relationship has rejection in it. What are you going to do if someone doesn't want to be your friend with benefits? Have on friends with benefit encounter per woman, per life time?
likestolaugh Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 what a confused duck. I don't think it's going to be easy to find someone also looking for what you are... as they'll either be looking for just friendship or an actual relationship. Sorry mate.
Author chris250 Posted January 28, 2009 Author Posted January 28, 2009 OP nothing will fix your fear of rejection until you just grow up and deal with it. Even a friends with benefits relationship has rejection in it. What are you going to do if someone doesn't want to be your friend with benefits? Have on friends with benefit encounter per woman, per life time? Being rejected in this area is not as bad as being rejected for a potential boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. Friends with benefits gives me more freedom to draw the line as to how much emotional attachment I'll be sucked into. With a friends with benefits relationship I already expect to be dumped because we would already have a mutual understanding that there is no commitment between us. In a real relationship I would already expect commitment from her.
Author chris250 Posted January 28, 2009 Author Posted January 28, 2009 I'm just sick and tired of being the man in the relationship. I don't want to be the man. What I mean is I don't want to be the head of the household. I don't believe that the man should be the leader in a relationship or in his own household. I believe that should be the woman's job. I need a woman who is going to be the head in our relationship. I don't want to make decisions about where we eat dinner or where we will go for vacation. I don't want to make decisions about what kind of furniture to buy. Sure I'll take charge as far as making sure that all the expenses and bills get paid but that's it. I don't want to initiate affection. I believe in letting her initiate all the touching. I don't want her to call me. "Don't call me I'll call you" is my policy. I'd rather initiate the calls. I don't want to make decisions about how fast to progress the relationship. I want to leave the ball in her court to decide how far it progresses with the exception of sexual activity. I think men should consider themselves lucky if they are in a relationship where they don't have to make any decisions. I want her to tell me that I cannot talk to other girls. I am looking for a girl who gets jealous easily. Why? because women with high interest level do not want me talking to other girls. If she says she does not care that I talk to other girls then it's a red flag that she has low interest level in me. So if she tells me that she doesn't want me talking to other girls or even looking at them then that's a sign to me that she wants me all to herself. She's interested in me enough that she wants me all to herself.
sarah8688 Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 so what your saying is, is that you want a cuddle buddy??? There is nothing wrong with that. I wouldn't call if friends with benefits but... you should meet my friend dj..lol she doesn't like sex and all she ever wants is a guy who likes to kiss and cuddle but no sex. But unfortunatly she always attracts the guys who want to hook up with her and then leave. Its a shame..
Author chris250 Posted January 28, 2009 Author Posted January 28, 2009 so what your saying is, is that you want a cuddle buddy??? There is nothing wrong with that. I wouldn't call if friends with benefits but... you should meet my friend dj..lol she doesn't like sex and all she ever wants is a guy who likes to kiss and cuddle but no sex. But unfortunatly she always attracts the guys who want to hook up with her and then leave. Its a shame.. Send me her contact information. I'll call her tomorrow.
sarah8688 Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 hahaha ;P I will have to consult her first.... But there are girls out there like that though, it is just damn hard to find them.
prettybaby Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 No offense, but I think some counseling would be a better investment of your money than dinners and outings with a "friend with benefits" without benefits
dreamergrl Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 I'm just sick and tired of being the man in the relationship. I don't want to be the man. What I mean is I don't want to be the head of the household. I don't believe that the man should be the leader in a relationship or in his own household. I believe that should be the woman's job. I need a woman who is going to be the head in our relationship. I don't want to make decisions about where we eat dinner or where we will go for vacation. I don't want to make decisions about what kind of furniture to buy.. Sure I'll take charge as far as making sure that all the expenses and bills get paid but that's it. I don't want to initiate affection. I believe in letting her initiate all the touching. I don't want her to call me. "Don't call me I'll call you" is my policy. I'd rather initiate the calls. I don't want to make decisions about how fast to progress the relationship. I want to leave the ball in her court to decide how far it progresses with the exception of sexual activity. I think men should consider themselves lucky if they are in a relationship where they don't have to make any decisions. So now you want to be a doormat [qoute] I want her to tell me that I cannot talk to other girls. I am looking for a girl who gets jealous easily. Why? because women with high interest level do not want me talking to other girls. If she says she does not care that I talk to other girls then it's a red flag that she has low interest level in me. So if she tells me that she doesn't want me talking to other girls or even looking at them then that's a sign to me that she wants me all to herself. She's interested in me enough that she wants me all to herself. No this is a read flag that she is possessive. Not a good quality.
O'Malley Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 If the OP wants that kind of relationship, he should go for it, but with the knowledge that he's going to have to do some searching. There are women who prefer to be the dominant partner, but probably fewer that co-mingle that with celibacy. Try some forums for people who classify themselves as aesexual. Post what you stated here, and offer an realistic, recent photo to those who respond. Keep in mind that some people will still develop attachment in a non sexual fwb and cross the boundaries, in terms of what you're willing to reciprocate.
JamesM Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 Friends with benefits means sex without the emotional attachment. What you want is the intimacy that happens with emotional attachment yet no emotional attachment. Hugging and kissing and hand holding are signs of love and affection. While I am guessing that this is possible, I have a hard time believing that you or she will keep from becoming emotionally attached. Truthfully, it doesn't sound like you want a girlfriend or a wife. It sounds more like you want another mother.
Author chris250 Posted January 30, 2009 Author Posted January 30, 2009 The point is that with a FWB relationship it's up to me to decide where to draw the line. How much emotional attachment I get sucked in is up to me. I can't get attached unless I let it happen. I've had enough experience to know when it's time to pull back. Yes I have the self control to pull back when I feel myself getting sucked into something.
RRyan65 Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 The point is that with a FWB relationship it's up to me to decide where to draw the line. How much emotional attachment I get sucked in is up to me. I can't get attached unless I let it happen. I've had enough experience to know when it's time to pull back. Yes I have the self control to pull back when I feel myself getting sucked into something. It sounds like your previous relationships moved at a pace you weren't comfortable with. Look, there are no websites that specialize in the area you're looking for, however, you have the power to get what you want out of a relationship, how you want it. Friend, you will have to find yourself one hell of a kook that will take a relationship without sex. The whole "no-sex" thing is unrealistic, prudish and just non-sensical (a religious nut comes to mind). I'm inclined to believe (call me crazy) that you like sex, and you'd take it from an attractive woman if you knew it meant no more commitment than that. I'm also going to assume that EVENTUALLY in your life, you would maybe like to start a family and settle down, so forming a serious relationship isn't an idea you've totally discarded. If I'm wrong in my assumptions, and you do not want a serious relatonship, nor sex, just dating indefinitely, then you are gay. I don't mean that as an insult, I'm just hoping you realize that. You seem to have probably been burned before. Possibly by a controlling woman. This is where your personality needs to change. You can control how fast the relationship goes and how deep you want to get involved emotionally. This last part is important, because if the relationship happens to go into a zone where you feel like there is too much emotion involved, you can bail at your leisure. But you already stated you know this. So, I don't really understand why sex cannot be involved. The only reason I can figure out is, the attachment that the woman MIGHT form toward you as a result of sex, and your inability to protect your boundaries from these attachments. Or you want to pitch the whole "no-sex" thing to come off as non-threatening to a woman. This also is a little silly. But, again, if you don't like sex with women, then thats your perogative.
dreamergrl Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 The point is that with a FWB relationship it's up to me to decide where to draw the line. How much emotional attachment I get sucked in is up to me. I can't get attached unless I let it happen. I've had enough experience to know when it's time to pull back. Yes I have the self control to pull back when I feel myself getting sucked into something. No matter what type of relationship, it's not solely up to you. A relationship takes TWO people. The other can bail before you choose to. The other could pull away, become distant, draw the line, ect ect without your consent. You don't speak like you've learned anything from experience. You sound bitter, immature, and kind of selfish.
alphamale Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 I want the friends with benefits title without the sex. then you just want a "friend"...you can find one anywhere
Author chris250 Posted January 30, 2009 Author Posted January 30, 2009 No matter what type of relationship, it's not solely up to you. A relationship takes TWO people. The other can bail before you choose to. The other could pull away, become distant, draw the line, ect ect without your consent. You don't speak like you've learned anything from experience. You sound bitter, immature, and kind of selfish. You've missed the point. I have a pretty good intuition of when someone is about to pull away from me. So I make sure to beat them to the job and pull away first. Most of the time (not all) I will see it coming. If I detect the warning signs early enough (they are very subtle) then I bail out before they have a chance to. Most women do not just break up with a guy overnight. It's something she thinks about for awhile at least a few weeks in advance. Men are more likely to end it on impulse. I've done that before. I can tell when a woman is thinking of calling it quits. And by the way if it's ok for the other person to bail and quit without my consent and without notice then why isn't it ok for me to do so? There you go again setting the double standard. You seem to think it's ok for others to be "selfish" towards me but not ok for me to do the same. Sounds to me like you are very biased and want to make excuses for all the women I come in contact with but condemn me in the process. If you are going to apply one set of rules for me then you have to apply it for the other person. And who cares if you think I'm selfish? Everybody is selfish to a certain extent. You sound like you have selfish motives for posting on my thread! So look in the mirror before you point your fingers at me!
BikerBeagle Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 I'm sure there are probably a few websites somewhere that will cater to your desires ...but, really, you can hire this kind of relationship by the hour at your nearest escort service.
unacceptable62 Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 Wow, so you basically wish that you lived in the 50's where women would service their man's every need provided he provided for the family? In this day and age, this is very unrealistic. How old are you?
Geishawhelk Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 He's 13 (it's no good, I'm convinced) and he doesn't believe in free will. so his god will bring him the assexual, 70-year old dominant housekeeper of his dreams. maybe.
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