When girls say "I don't think we're compatible. We don't match" what does it mean?

[Justmike101]

The girl doesn't tell you any solid examples, just somewhere during the relationship they keep saying this. what do they really mean? Different outlook and goals in life?

[nature]

What it really means, is....ugh I hate to say this because I don't want you to hurt....but it means that her feelings for you aren't that strong and she just isn't that into you. It's a nice way of saying, "I'm not that into you".

[peteyj]

It might mean they aren't really attracted to you. It could mean they have no real emotion connection with you. Then again it just might be they don't really like you or love you.

 

"You're not my type" from the get go usually means they just aren't attracted to you and don't think you're funny or interesting. The only thing you can do is walk away and move on. Not everybody is going to like you.

[Trialbyfire]

If she can't or won't give examples, it's either an excuse or she's a lousy communicator. You'll find that many people honestly can't translate their feelings into words or refuse to dig deep enough to get to the source of the problem.

 

Edit - if you really want to know, ask her what your incompatibilities are. This is only if you want to know and can take it.

[nature]

And sometimes the words sound so rude and cruel, that they don't want to speak the truth. So they use the "nice way" around it by saying you are not compatible. To be honest, I've done it. Not proud, but truthful. If I've just not "felt it" for the guy (whether it be after some time in a relationship with a guy, or it be a new guy asking me out)....if I've just not "felt it", then I don't feel we are compatible. In otherwords, I'm not into him.

[Truly Lost]

It means exactly that. There isn't any hidden message here. She doesn't think its working and isn't interested in pursuing you any further. Maybe she gave it a shot and realized there is no chemistry or maybe she doesn't like your life situation, like where you live, job, credit issues, or what ever baggage you may have in your past. The one thing that is important about dating someone is getting to know them and what this potential relationship, if it were to become serious, has in store them. Some people click and some people don't. Usually the person will want to leave on a happy note by wanting to remain friends, because they wouldn't have given you a shot if they didn't like you, at least a little. I don't know what your situation is with this person. If you elaborate more in a future posting it will make it easier for us on here to give you some advice on the situation.

[Truly Lost]

It means exactly that. There isn't any hidden message here. She doesn't think its working and isn't interested in pursuing you any further. Maybe she gave it a shot and realized there is no chemistry or maybe she doesn't like your life situation, like where you live, job, credit issues, or what ever baggage you may have in your past. The one thing that is important about dating someone is getting to know them and what this potential relationship, if it were to become serious, has in store them. Some people click and some people don't. Usually the person will want to leave on a happy note by wanting to remain friends, because they wouldn't have given you a shot if they didn't like you, at least a little. I don't know what your situation is with this person. If you elaborate more in a future posting it will make it easier for us on here to give you some advice on the situation.

 

Just assuming you have a particular person in mind, but if this is really just a general question, then I guess you won't need to tell us of any specific situation.

[Ronni_W]

If she can't or won't give examples, it's either an excuse or she's a lousy communicator.

Or one is so not into the other that one just can't be bothered to expend the mental energy needed to do the functional thing.

<raising hand sheepishly> I'm "guilty" of having done that. It was, "Get me outta here as fast as possible!" Did not wish to engage AT ALL.

[Justmike101]

here's the situation. I am talking about my ex whom I dated for a year. We were friends in high school and she had a crush on me back then. I didnt like her back then. 6 yrs later she finds me on myspace and this time we hit it off. I should have known she was no good from the beginning. The morning after I officially asked her to be my girlfriend, she called me and said we can't be together because she forgot that her Catholic parents will disapprove of me and will eventually lead to a breakup. She dumped me. I was floored and disappointed. I told her what the heck... ok whatever im sure we can work it out later. So we put it on the backburner. Then we were madly in love. She was my first in terms of sex and I was her first. We were extremely intimate and loved each other. THen towards the end of the relationship she kept saying this "We just don't match. Our personalities are just too different etc." She never gave me an example and I really didn't understand what the heck she was talking about. Then she also started comparing me with her exs in the past. Things were going downhill towards the end of our relationship. I don't know where her dissatisfaction was coming from. We broke up in total of 3 times then got back together. Our last break up was in August. THis time it was for good. She found another guy.

[Trialbyfire]

Justmike, the next time someone pulls this on you, ask! Don't let her get away with not telling you what the differences are, if it means something to you. This way, you can either accept or discount her reasons.

[Ronni_W]

Mike, honestly, she sounds a little flaky...possibly just insufficient life experience(?)

At the same time, we don't "owe" people our explanations of why we're dumping them.

For her, it was that, in her perception, there was a set of insurmountable personality differences. For her, that is the full and total reason. That IS what she meant. She apparently has nothing more to give you (and likely, at this stage, she doesn't have any more words to give herself, either. As TBF said earlier.)

 

I get that her behaviour is confusing...sounds like that just may be a reflection of her mind, though. Sorry that you're hurting.

[Justmike101]

Mike, honestly, she sounds a little flaky...possibly just insufficient life experience(?)

At the same time, we don't "owe" people our explanations of why we're dumping them.

For her, it was that, in her perception, there was a set of insurmountable personality differences. For her, that is the full and total reason. That IS what she meant. She apparently has nothing more to give you (and likely, at this stage, she doesn't have any more words to give herself, either. As TBF said earlier.)

 

I get that her behaviour is confusing...sounds like that just may be a reflection of her mind, though. Sorry that you're hurting.

 

It did hurt for 6 months. I really did love her. But I am over it now. I no longer hold myself prisoner in pain. I wish her well you know? What she did to me sucked and it was terrible and unexcusable. But I did love her and really do wish her well. I guess I really did accept it. I'm really interested in this girl right now and I just really hope she finds interest in me too soon =)

[Ronni_W]

Glad to hear that you've done such a great job of moving forward -- when we can genuinely wish them well after all the crap they put us through, then we KNOW we have made it to the other side, IMO. Congrats!

 

It is, of course, nice to get some feedback from "old" relationships so that we can improve for the new ones. That she didn't give you anything to work with more says that SHE was not one of your relationship teachers, PLUS you can take it that, within that relationship, you did pretty well (cos if not, believe me, she woulda had a big, long list of your flaws and errors, as she saw things. Don't you think?)

 

Wishing you the very best with your new romantic interest...just my intuition talking, but sounds like you deserve a REALLY GOOD one!

[Kage111]

From personal experience... 4 years, she loved me unconditionally, a few months ago she grew distant and gave the whole "We're not compatible" speech.

 

Meant she had found someone new and fun.

[Justmike101]

From personal experience... 4 years, she loved me unconditionally, a few months ago she grew distant and gave the whole "We're not compatible" speech.

 

Meant she had found someone new and fun.

 

damn that seriously sucks