didittomyself Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 I'm hurting bad even worse than the first time, when I first posted here I was dealing with our first breakup. I then went NC, eventually broke NC which lead us to seeing one another again. I knew i was the rebound however I got so caught up in how good it felt to see her again that I allowed myself to fall. I knew I was the transition guy failed to associate pain to the situation enough to keep me out of it. for the past few months while we were dating I knew she was getting in touch with all her old friends that she lost contact with having been in an LTR for the better part of a decade. The whole time this bothered me because I just felt she was keeping her options open...and looking for something better, now this didn't stop me from wanting to be with her because I thought I could convince her that I was good for her and was willing to believe that these were just innocent friends she grew up with. So I stayed and continued to be with there, do things for her then out of the blue she tells me she can't see me anymore because she just needs space to pursue other things which tells me 'other men' What bothers me I knew I was the transition guy but ignored my gut and went on ahead having hopes and dreams , making plans of sweet romantic things to do. She showed me a little bit of herself and it was enough to keep me going....until she pulled the rug from under me. the first time this happened I went NC in the hopes that we could rekindle what we had but now I'm going NC for me. God do I feel lke a moron.
nature Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 Do not feel like a moron. You are a caring individual who fell in love. There is nothing moronic about that. Sometimes we have to go back and re-visit a relationship and get hurt even further to learn the lesson that this person doesn't love us the same way we love them. Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you can get back up even stronger and better than before. So you've hit rock bottom now. And the only place you have is to go up from here.
boldjack Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 Pal, don't be too hard on yourself. You ain't the first and you won't be the last. Just don't make it a habit.
techfan Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 Well now you know for sure its over. How's that saying go? Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me? Something like that. Very sorry to hear but at least know you can tell yourself and believe it that she isn't the right one. Every relationship has issues and obstacles to be overcome but this one apparently didn't have enough effort from both sides. You deserve better and you know it. Now you just gotta pick yourself up and move forward!
lofi_tokyo Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 Don't beat yourself up too much for hangin' in there with her. As I am sure you already know from reading my own post on getting into a rebound situation - I understand the inclination to hang in there despite red flags saying you're a rebound. Its rough when you just want to believe that ... maybe the person you're with won't be a rebounder, maybe you can have a lasting and maturing relationship with that person. That darn hope in the future kind of keeps us in there eh? That and... its nice to be needed, it feels good to pick someone up, and have them depend on you. The truth is, rebound or not, the majority of relationships do come to an end. Though I have not been in a rebound relationship, I suspect its quite painful because well... you want to believe you were something more than what can be simply summarized as a "rebound". It sucks being categorized. I suppose one nod towards your actions is it shows you like taking care of people, right? Someday, one lucky girl who can appreciate your compassionate side will come along, one whos not rebounding. Until then, just remember, you have a good heart, and even if one girl couldnt see it, others will.
Author didittomyself Posted January 29, 2009 Author Posted January 29, 2009 Thank you all for heart felt words, It really helps to keep strong and stay in NC, I struggle with it every day. I feel so used , because I was there for her when no one else was and now that she's up on her feet again and feels good about herself, she ups and leaves without being truthful...I don't feel she is, as she says she just wants to pursue other things...she made a slip and alluded that she wasn't lonely anymore; a pretty little side effect of having leaned on me when she was low... God god god, I saw the red flags err screw the flags I saw the red blinking lights but ignored them thinking that she would acknowledge my contribution to her life and stick with me like I stuck with her. Geez, I picked her up, dusted her off, shined her up real nice for someone else. I invested so much of myself to this woman and know I deserve so much more...not just so much more but so much more from her. Thanks again everyone for posting and helping me keep my head up. Special thanks to you Tokyo, I've read all your posts and they've healed me to cope and stay strong because when you get dumped, you lose a little of the swagger that made you who you are...I needed to get a dose of reality, Although I knew and believed all of your posts, I didn't want accept reality as it is today...she's gone and she's not coming back.
Template Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 Dude, We are on the same roller coaster, and while the details are different, the emotions are exactly the same. I feel for ya dog. Sucks being in our position. Keep strong man
Author didittomyself Posted January 29, 2009 Author Posted January 29, 2009 thanks template, i needed to hear your words this morning. I'm struggling with NC today and feel the need to call her... or text her, IM, email, hell I'd even start a fire to smoke signal her. It hurts so much because when that person doesn't want to be with you , you now it' s not that they can't give you what you want, because they once did. But you have to realize that they don't want to give it to you anymore... regardless of the reason, they just don't want. I feel i deserve better...from her. Thanks again
amaysngrace Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 There is an expression: Fool me once shame on you...fool me twice shame on me. Not really sure if that is encouraging or not or if it even applies at all but it sounds wise doesn't it?
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