moveon Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 I broke NC yesterday, this is the 2nd time I broke the nc, we broke up almost 4 months. I was having a bad day yesterday, I missed my ex bf so much, memories of him just keep popping into my head and I can't shake it off. I wanted to call him really badly, but I was afraid of the rejection again, part of me said 'no, stick with nc', the other part of me said 'wouldn't hurt to send him a text message, if he doesn't reply again, then it will be a final closure and no chance of getting back together'. So I sent him a simple text message just to say how he's doing..., and I didn't expect any reply from him, cause at Xmas time, I sent him a text and email to wish him merry Christmas, he didn't reply. 10 minutes later, he replied to my text saying he's doing fine, at work right now... I was really surprised that he replied, and so happy that I broke this nc. But today, I'm feeling kinda of miserable and miss him even more... hoping that I will hear from him... and I wanted to contact him again so badly, but I just snapped myself out of it knowing that I shouldn't. Why am I feeling this way ?? Couple weeks ago, he called my home two times but didn't leave a message, I saw his phone no. on my phone's caller ID. I really want to get back together with him, and I'm still hanging onto hope. I want to contact him again, but not sure how to go about doing it or if I should or not ? any good advice ??
techfan Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 I would stick with NC. I don't know your whole situation but NC is what you NEED. I know you WANT to contact him but its not for the best. If he wants to get back together he will initiate it. You need to stick to your guns of NC. Every little text or phone call you make only reignites the "hope" in your heart of getting back together and from what I can tell that is not a good thing. I recently got dumped and I am a positive person and always very hopeful about a lot of things in life.... its just part of my attitude. I have to stick to NC, because even talking to my ex would make my heart and mind run wild with 'false hope' of a reconciliation. When i know that is probably not even in the cards. See, i can't even say its 'definitely' not in the cards cause im still hopeful. Sucks. Stick with NC. If you feel weak, distract yourself or tell yourself just to wait an hour or two.... after some time your emotions will change and you'll realize you did the right thing. It's hard but in the end it will be worth it. good luck.
nature Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 he replied to my text saying he's doing fine, at work right now... First of all, if you are going to break NC, texting is not the way to do it. Texting is not real contact, and causes more problems for relationships than anything. You cannot read someone's voice, tone, attitude thru a few words in a text. Therefore, it leaves it very open for misinterpretation...or your own interpretation. In otherwords, you interpret it the way you want to see it. He said "he's doing fine. At work right now.". That doesn't say a whole lot. It's just a polite, formal response that he could give anyone. He didn't ask how you are. Didn't ask for you to phone him or if he could phone you. Didn't ask to see you. So really, his reply means absolutely nothing. I'm sorry to say. I was really surprised that he replied, and so happy that I broke this nc. Why are you so happy you broke this NC? What I feared with the texting. You are giving yourself false hope simply because he replied. But his reply says nothing. You opened the door to him. It is now up to him to take this further. If he does nothing after that polite reply, then you should not do anything. Why did you two break up and who broke up with who?
northstar1 Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 I broke NC yesterday, this is the 2nd time I broke the nc, we broke up almost 4 months. I was having a bad day yesterday, I missed my ex bf so much, memories of him just keep popping into my head and I can't shake it off. I wanted to call him really badly, but I was afraid of the rejection again, part of me said 'no, stick with nc', the other part of me said 'wouldn't hurt to send him a text message, if he doesn't reply again, then it will be a final closure and no chance of getting back together'. So I sent him a simple text message just to say how he's doing..., and I didn't expect any reply from him, cause at Xmas time, I sent him a text and email to wish him merry Christmas, he didn't reply. 10 minutes later, he replied to my text saying he's doing fine, at work right now... I was really surprised that he replied, and so happy that I broke this nc. But today, I'm feeling kinda of miserable and miss him even more... hoping that I will hear from him... and I wanted to contact him again so badly, but I just snapped myself out of it knowing that I shouldn't. Why am I feeling this way ?? Couple weeks ago, he called my home two times but didn't leave a message, I saw his phone no. on my phone's caller ID. I really want to get back together with him, and I'm still hanging onto hope. I want to contact him again, but not sure how to go about doing it or if I should or not ? any good advice ?? You are feeling this way because that is how breaking NC works. You feel relief and happiness for a VERY short period of time after you send something. Then it quickly wears off when reality comes crashing back in, because nothing changes. Cliche, but it really is like breaking an addiction, you want another hit so badly, so you break NC, and any sort of response gives you that hit.......then you come crashing down and are back where you started, still trying to break the habit. Nearly everyone has gone through it on here, broken NC just to make some sort of contact, hoping their ex's will be missing them, want to be in touch. And it's almost always the same result...........you feel bad after because the ex's aren't giving you back what you seek.........so you want more contact. Learn from this, we all do, and keep moving on. You've seen what breaking NC does and now you can be stronger and heal faster.
lilmrcheerful Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 he replied to my text saying he's doing fine, at work right now... First of all, if you are going to break NC, texting is not the way to do it. Texting is not real contact, and causes more problems for relationships than anything. You cannot read someone's voice, tone, attitude thru a few words in a text. Therefore, it leaves it very open for misinterpretation...or your own interpretation. In otherwords, you interpret it the way you want to see it. He said "he's doing fine. At work right now.". That doesn't say a whole lot. It's just a polite, formal response that he could give anyone. He didn't ask how you are. Didn't ask for you to phone him or if he could phone you. Didn't ask to see you. So really, his reply means absolutely nothing. I'm sorry to say. I was really surprised that he replied, and so happy that I broke this nc. Why are you so happy you broke this NC? What I feared with the texting. You are giving yourself false hope simply because he replied. But his reply says nothing. You opened the door to him. It is now up to him to take this further. If he does nothing after that polite reply, then you should not do anything. This is an absolutely great response and completely true. My ex hasn't contacted me and maybe she won't ever and that's how it will stay. If the dumpers want to get in touch with you, then they will and won't really worry too much how you are feeling at the time, they will just do it. Infact, I predict that the more "needy" you are of them, the less chance they will actually contact you. I think that you are more than likely going to be contacted when they realise you have moved on, eg, stopped thinking about them and getting on with your own life because they would be very curious to see how you're getting on WITHOUT them, if you're doing better than if you were with them or not, because the owness is on them to find out, maybe a pride thing or not I don't know but they dumped you so they are going to be thinking about you when they realise you have moved on completely. The other time they are likely to contact you is if they do truly regret what they did and maybe want to try again, but that's really not something to hope for at all. I think you would be better off just changing everything in your life that was associated with him and improve on everything, making new friends, new hobbies and doing stuff that you were not doing when you were with him - that's going to be the key to it - changes - and if they should cotton on to it somehow then they are going to be very curious.
techfan Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 All the above posts are great. Just stick with NC and use this time to reinvent yourself. Hard yes, worthwhile absolutely! Even use the negative energy to make yourself better. You have to gain confidence back without them, your ego took a hit naturally so you gotta do things to get back to where you were without them. A lot of people say breaking up is like giving blood..... you give a part of yourself and it takes time to 'refill'. This is pretty true. But use that time wisely. Love is full of effort, so love yourself and go become a better person.
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