yarn Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 Hi. I'm new here, but have been lurking around quite a bit... and would appreciate some feed back. Last November, I was trying to rent out an apartment in my house which my boyfriend and I co-owned and lived. A guy in his late 30s came and saw the place twice before sending me an e-mail to let me know that he decided not to rent, but that if I ever found myself without a boyfriend, it would be a great pleasure to take me out. Funny thing is the night before receiving this e-mail, I had told my bf that I wanted to break up. We agreed to spend the holidays together and that I would move out in the new year. So, when I received this e-mail from a total stranger, except for that 10 minutes for 2 appointments and a few phone calls and e-mails, I was pleasantly surprised and tempted. But since I wasn't technically single yet, and because I didn't want to seem desperate and also suspected his intentions being superficial, I e-mailed back saying only that I was flattered by his comments and left it at that. So fast forward now, I haven't moved out yet, but will be doing so in April/May. I found myself wanting to contact this guy, but wonder if he could have been remotely sincere about his comments. He had said he was a Type A personality and thought I was also a Type A based on brief encounter with me. (I am not.) I know I have nothing to lose by contacting him when I move out, but I am also hesitant because I know some people just throw words out to see if anyone catches, for their ego and attention. What do you think? Also, am I obsessive for thinking about this person and for planning to contact him 6 months after our first/last meeting?
fishtaco Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 So go get some coffee with him. You're taking this waaaayy too seriously. You don't know the guy period. He's not worth fussing over. If you think he's cute, then go hang out a bit and see if he's worth it, but at the same time be prepared to run because he may turn out to be a creep. When people don't know another person, they tend to fill in the blanks. In this case, you're filling in the blanks with good stuff because you got a good vibe off of him. Try to stay neutral as much as possible, take everything at face value, don't dream up how compatible you two will be when you haven't experienced it. And then go on a few dates. That's when you fill in the blanks for real, with things you can see with your own eyes. Only then can you decide if he's a good choice or not. Also if you're fussing over some dude you barely had contact 6 months ago, that means you're not dating other guys. If you're single, you should be busy multi-dating like 3, 5 guys. You shouldn't have time to think about some dude from 6 months ago.
Tomcat33 Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 What can I say, the guy has cojones!!! Normally I would find this scenario fantastic, and a guy who is that forward/proactive really hot. Lest we forget, he did know you were living with a man and I do find that rather sketchy that he would be so forward as to make a move knowing that you were already taken. He does sound sincerely interested though. Do you wonder at all if he does this often, hitting on women that are already taken? PS sorry your rel didn't work out.
Author yarn Posted January 30, 2009 Author Posted January 30, 2009 Thx for your advice/opinion, fishtaco & tomcat. I really appreciate it. Yeah, I'll contact him when I move out, and will enjoy meeting new people, not just him. By the way, I'm not dating yet because I'm still living with my bf, will wait til I move out. :-) And yes, the guy seems to have balls. And I agree, his words made me wonder if he hit on every woman he met, especially the 'taken' ones, just for his ego and to see her reaction. (But he may have also been just realistic, since he had a gf with whom he had a house together, but eventually broke up. And he's in music and performance whereas I am in art and performance, not that it matters...) Tomcat, don't feel bad for me because my relationship didn't work out. My bf and I still care for each other. It's just that... we want or value different things in life, or even if we shared same values & wanted same things, we were going at them at different stages in our lives... (does that make sense to you?) Anyhow, he is a wonderful guy or I wouldn't have been with him for this long... 7 years... haha... yes... kind of sad... but it's all right, life goes on... :-) Whatever you guys are here for, I hope all the best.
MN randomguy Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 Fishtaco and Tomcat both have good points. If you think of it after you move out give him a call. That said tread lightly. Don't let him know where you've moved to. Don't view him as your savior. Either he's decided that there's something he really likes about you, most likely if you mention that you're the lady that had the apratment for rent he may need you to specify which one. I don't know why you'd go around asking everyone's GF out?
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