maggiejeen Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 Help!!! My ex and I divorced after 28 years of marriage. He became a very angry unhappy man. We had lousy communication and after trying everything I knew to get through to him, our marriage finally collapsed. That was enough to get him to go for counselling... finally! Turns out he was suffering from clinical depression that had gone undiagnosed after all these years. He turned his anger towards the one who was closest to him and did a lot of damage. We have been apart for 2 1/2 years and throughout that time he has done so much work on himself. He also had 3 relationships which none of them worked out. I was the one who left, but I am also still very much in love. I could never bring myself to be with anyone else. We had the opportunity to get together several times throughout the time we were apart. Last April I suggested that maybe there was still something there and how about trying a reconciliation. We are now into Jan... 8 months later and still going around in circles. He has a lot of guilt as to his behaviour towards me and that is blocking any progress we can make. He says he loves me, but I remind him so much of his past mistakes. Does anyone have any suggestions as to how to get past this obstacle. I am willing to wait for him, but how long do I wait. Can't be forever! Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
HEARTBROKENHURT Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 He's gonna have that feeling of regret and heartache for what he has done to u. He will get over it in time but right now just stick in there with him. Tell him the past is the past and that ur happy with what u 2 can accomplish in the future. Looking in the past only makes things worse when u look forward to the future it makes things bright! Tell him to just calm down and try to not think about the past that u forgive him (which i think u do) and tell him ur looking towards making the future the best for u both! I hope that helps u out a lil bit!
Geishawhelk Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 It's very simple: You can't fix him. If he's stuck in a vicious cirlce, you have a choice: Know he is in a circle, but know also that you can do nothing for him - he must break it himself - and so accept his dogged inability to currently move on, 'warts and all' and live with it. suck it up, take it on the chimn, and deal with it. OR: Decide you cannot tolerate his constant perambulation and tell him that yup, you tried, but you need to move on and can't stay stuck in a rut with him forever. If he can't drop it doesn't mean you have to carry it too. Simple. No, didn't say easy. Said simple. Simple things are rarely easy.
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