Feels wrong to ask but.. is N.C going to work this time?

[Your Favourite Smile]

This seems like such a question of desperation..

 

Ok, my on-off relationship seems to have come to an end. More of an end than it has in the past, as we have just discussed the problems in more depth than we have done in the past.

He wanted us to be friends- i refused.. basically because i know it would hurt me more knowing all of this has resulted in a meaningless friendship.

In the past.. on all occasions, the N.C method has worked.

About 5 times id say it has worked.

 

It probably isnt healthy whatsoever, but i genuinely love him and want our relationship to be worked out and brought back.

It doesnt seem likely ill get this, but this is my question..

How likely is it that N.C will work this time around?

 

Or has he just given up on me altogether..

 

How long do i stay in NC until i give up with the hope completely?

 

Wait a minute.. is NC even the best way to go about this?

 

Oh so confused...

[Joker77]

NC isn't about getting another person back. It's about your own healing process.

[awesomeallalone]

i ask myself that everyday.... like you this is the not the first time weve been broken up and usually NC works.... like you too i feel like this is the last and final time...then again i always say that.... this however has been the longest i have been nc everyday that passes i loose a little more hope but its still there.... eventually it wont be there....nc is only going to work if you do it for the right reasons.... i know the hope wont dissapear over night but try and work on you and dont do nc if youre only wishing this is going to bring him back.... just keeping teling yourself that this is for the best... you yourself know that its not healthy and although you love him and wish things would go back... they just cant...everytime it happens its like adding extra pain you dont need and seeing how it happens all the time why would you want to keep going in a circle.... i totally understand how youre feeling.... all in all my advice is to go nc for you! dont you deserve better than a person who doesnt even know what they want?! good luck!

[Your Favourite Smile]

NC isn't about getting another person back. It's about your own healing process.

 

In my case.. NC is highly associated with getting back together, because it just keeps happening..

But yeah, even so.. im aware its a healing process and ive done various things eg. delete number and messages to help me stop thinking about this person.

 

Im curious as to whether NC will work in the same way as it has done before for me, or if it really is the end of my relationship.

[Your Favourite Smile]

i ask myself that everyday.... like you this is the not the first time weve been broken up and usually NC works.... like you too i feel like this is the last and final time...then again i always say that.... this however has been the longest i have been nc everyday that passes i loose a little more hope but its still there.... eventually it wont be there....nc is only going to work if you do it for the right reasons.... i know the hope wont dissapear over night but try and work on you and dont do nc if youre only wishing this is going to bring him back.... just keeping teling yourself that this is for the best... you yourself know that its not healthy and although you love him and wish things would go back... they just cant...everytime it happens its like adding extra pain you dont need and seeing how it happens all the time why would you want to keep going in a circle.... i totally understand how youre feeling.... all in all my advice is to go nc for you! dont you deserve better than a person who doesnt even know what they want?! good luck!

 

Its good to hear from someone who is aware of how this feels, thanks

But i think youre right anyway, and NC will most likely be the best route anyways, whatever the outcome. It will be better for me too, as having little remainders of him isnt the best thing.

I know i would like the relationship back, but no matter what i will just have to go NC and see what happens in the next couple of weeks.

Thanks

[diskey23]

how long have you gone nc in the past? ive done nc & had it work too, everytime actually. but it hasnt in the long run, led to another break up everytime. "they" say nc is to get over the person, theyre right. but somethin that works for me is... as long as i feel i have the mind set im lookin for others (truely), i will not contact the other person but will respond to them contacting me. Not giving them too much just a couple of insigificant bones. its almost as if im stringing them then, ya know? kinda f'd up. but i know i must have that mind set when i do it.

[lonelygurl]

This seems like such a question of desperation..

 

In the past.. on all occasions, the N.C method has worked.

About 5 times id say it has worked.

 

Do you really want to spend the rest of your life playing stupid games over a guy?????????????

This seems very childish to me and a waste of a life. I mean to break up and get back together over and over.....just seem like silly game playing.

 

NC is meant to get over a person FOREVER and to move on. Not to play a game to get someone back.

 

To each their own I guess.

[techfan]

Stick with NC. No need to plays games considering you've done this multiple times before. You're worth more than that. You deserve better and breaking up and getting back together so many times just isn't worth it and now this relationship is so battered it sounds like even if you did get back together, how long till it would happen again? At what point do you say "this is the last time we're breaking up?" the third time? the fifth?

 

Do your best to let it go.

 

NC.

[Tryng2Trust08]

I would move on...I was in an off and on again relationship and Im telling you it's just not worth it to stay in. It's cruel to keep breaking up with someone and coming back, giving them some sort of false hope, just to do it all over again.

That can wear you down and you deserve better. I know it's hard...in the back of my mind I keep thinking my ex is going to send a text or a call because he has done it soo many times before and I kept taking him back thinking things would be different or it would work out. I had a lot of faith and trust in him just for him to crush it. Im the one who let him do it, so I can't totally blame him. Im just telling you one way or another this relationship is going to end....do you want to go another couple of months or even another year just to be off again? Or perhaps you got married, would he try to bail on you? Save yourself some pain and do NC

[Your Favourite Smile]

how long have you gone nc in the past?

Its always been within approx ten days or so that he has returned and told me how much he cares for me..

 

To everyone thats recently responded..thanks, im going to have to stick with N.C and blank out any thoughts of this relationship coming back, because i feel its false hope otherwise.

Its only been a couple of days and ive been coping alright, im hoping it stays this way.

To be honest i feel like ive been some sort of pushover, he hasnt had to put up a fight to get me back because ive let him back everytime with no fuss.

Im going to be mature this time, this on-off thing is not something i want.

 

Thanks

[Tryng2Trust08]

Im glad you are staying strong and are making the decision to move on. Off and on is not good and its soo immature, and it really makes you lose trust in the other person. How could u ever have a functional relationship like this?

Everytime my ex did it, I was crushed just to have him come back to me getting my hopes up again. augh. I will let him do that to someone else, NOT me! I think you let him back without a fuss because you wanted to give things a chance ...you didnt want the games anymore and u were being the mature one.

Dont be soo hard on yourself. Part of me is glad I let my ex back because I truly did give him chances and he gave me chances, but it just didnt work and now we can both move on with our lives, as painful as it is sometimes, it is for the best!

[Truly Lost]

I think "No Contact" is the absolute best way for someone who is hurting after being cheated on. No point in working things out with someone who cheats. Trust is deminished.

 

Some couples break up because something is really wrong with the relationship, like no communication or their partner isn't good to them, money, etc. No contact in this situation is good because it gives you an opportunity, without the stress of your partner around, to assess your feelings and decide what can be done to fix the problem or if its better to leave the break up as is.

 

Some people find later that it was a mistake to dump their gf/bf. My ex told me the night we broke up that he didn't want to work things out right now because he needed time to think. I told him I can't have him string me along so its over. Maybe I should have given him his time. Maybe we could have worked out our relationship later after giving time to think. But I have to remind myself that if he really wanted to work it out he can always call me to talk about it, but he hasn't. Its been about a month. I'm not going to call him because it will kill me if we end our conversation and nothing has been worked out. He was after all the one who said he needed time to think. Also, I'm not so sure if I want him back, especially if its just to ease the hurting I'm going through.

 

Every relationship is different. I heard that some couples were broken up for 4 months and got back together, some a year or two. I never was able to rekindle any of my past break ups with other people. I know some of them I really did want to get back together, but it didn't happen. I will say, that I never groveled, too embarassing. I think maybe some of the relationships never started up again because it hurt a lot to cope the first time, that I was too scared to make an attempt to get back together and risk getting shot down. Sometimes I tell myself that I really don't want to be in a relationship again, because the pain of breaking up is excrutiating.

[Your Favourite Smile]

Im glad you are staying strong and are making the decision to move on. Off and on is not good and its soo immature, and it really makes you lose trust in the other person. How could u ever have a functional relationship like this?

Everytime my ex did it, I was crushed just to have him come back to me getting my hopes up again. augh. I will let him do that to someone else, NOT me! I think you let him back without a fuss because you wanted to give things a chance ...you didnt want the games anymore and u were being the mature one.

Dont be soo hard on yourself. Part of me is glad I let my ex back because I truly did give him chances and he gave me chances, but it just didnt work and now we can both move on with our lives, as painful as it is sometimes, it is for the best!

 

Thanks

I reckon it is mostly his loss now, because i know that ive been the one to endure his ways/attitudes toward things, i very much doubt that any other would be able to put up with it as much as i have.

 

Yeah you have a point, taking him back meant giving him a chance.. i was willing to see if it would work out, and now that i know it doesnt.. it will help me on the long run now

 

It is for the best i guess, for both me and the ex.. he doesnt want the games and neither do i! I was willing to be mature with him and work things out, but it seemed that all he was interested in was blaming me..

So it pushed me away and here i am now, im going to go N.C

[Your Favourite Smile]

Some couples break up because something is really wrong with the relationship, like no communication or their partner isn't good to them, money, etc. No contact in this situation is good because it gives you an opportunity, without the stress of your partner around, to assess your feelings and decide what can be done to fix the problem or if its better to leave the break up as is.

 

Yeah, i believe this too.. i think having alone time to think really makes the difference, but obviously depending on the couple it can go either way- realise that youre happier apart or realise that your feelings are just too strong to let go of the person.

 

I guess that time does heal, and if the other does feel something.. they will contact when the time is right. If he doesnt call, by this time youll probably feel a lot better about yourself anyway (hence the time healing)

 

Every relationship is different. I heard that some couples were broken up for 4 months and got back together, some a year or two.

 

 

True, whenever ive gotten back together with him its always been within 10 days, although this time i think if anything it would take a little longer for him to contact. That said, im just going to enjoy myself in this time.. there are more things in life to live for other than a relationship after all

[lonetiger]

it's really super cool tht there is a site where each of us can just spill our guts to complete strangers on how much we are hurting because of a relationship gone bad!

 

Though I have been through many relationships in my life, this is the first time ever I joined a forum where I could release my frustrations and to recieve helpful input from a third party.

 

I have to sit and think on how beautiful a relationship can be, yet, there are times where it completely hurts...especially a break up. Sometimes we are confused because we don't know exactly what went wrong and end up beating ourself up over things that happened to make the relationship end. We spend days crying and have our minds pace with thoughts of the other person. We end up in a world of confussion where everything is turned upside down. Sometimes we take our hurt out on other people. Sunny days have become grey and gloomy...our hearts are broken and souls are sad...

 

Isn't it funny how love is? We all want someone to love and care about. Sometimes it works and we all know there are the ones that end. How the pain we have felt in the past because of a horrible break up subsides and we are able to move on and begin a new relationship...and sometimes it is like a circle, we get hurt and spend days and weeks in a completely darkened world.

 

I have to give kudo's to this site, for it is here where we can just release the hurt and pain we feel and knowing we are not alone...that others are willing to listen and give advise...sometimes this is the best theropy, just reading and learning from others...