Cherry Blossom 35 Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 Embrace your sweetness and innocence. There is enough cynicism and bitterness in the world to go around. Isolde, only you get to determine how you feel about yourself and what you're going to project to the world.
BoredPerson Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 I would approach you and you'd reject me for being a creep. I get typecast as a big hair, ugly loser who hates everyone and only wants to sleep with girls as sex objects. The opposite is true. I want to ... okay so maybe it is true. But I think girls are really sweet and I want to hug and kiss them. Your innocence would serve as an attractive quality because I feel a relationship would best work with someone as emotionally retarded as myself. In any case our encounter might go something LIKE THIS. Me - How are you going ? You - Good...... looking away. Me - I like your shirt it is pretty. You - Okay... Thanks Me - Your shoes are nice too. You - I'm going to go talk to my friend === > way over there. Me - Aawww. As I hang my head. What you're thinking is this. " Omg he is tall and he has dark hair and looks european he must be a rapist of some sort" Meanwhile I am thinking. "I want to kill everyone in this room so that we can be alone together but alas, I am kinda bad at killing things" Really I am just an honest guy trying to make it in a woman's world.
Mand Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 RRyan 65...that is actually some pretty insightful advice..lol i dont know how i come of to guys Isolde, but im sure im somehow typecast as well by them...I think I come off more as the person who doesnt need a man or something because I pretty much dont let guys get close to me in conversation i just sort of bark convo back at them for ****s and gigs and ha ha hoo hoo everyone goes home nobody gets nowhere...so im a little bit of a ball buster typecast :-( even tho i look pretty and i know people are attracted to me theres still that whole thing were they will be thinking oh i will strike out or whatever, and then theres the guys who will totally exploit you and ur insecurities...those are the jerks! so RRyan u basically put it in less words. im in awe when people do that. and Isolde...i have no idea how to fix the problem I just know what its like!! good luck :-)
Author Isolde Posted January 31, 2009 Author Posted January 31, 2009 Isolde, I have exactly the same problem. In fact, I could have written your post word for word. I'm naturally shy and quiet, but when I try to be friendly and warm I still come off as cold/awkward/aloof according to what everyone tells me. The one time in my life I made a real effort to flirt, the guy was totally creeped out. It's sad because I didn't think I was overdoing it and actually felt confident at the time. Never trying that again. Call it one-trial conditioning! People also would typecast me as sweet and innocent because I look younger than my age and I have these large doe eyes. I sort of outgrew that as I gained more confidence and maturity. I suspect you will too. Hmm, the only difference I see between us is that when I try to be friendly and warm, people DO perceive me as friendly & warm. My issue is more like this. I'm REALLY bad at gauging whether a guy knows I am interested or not. Sometimes I will be paranoid and think I really overdid it when I didn't show any signs at all--or it could go the other way around, also. The result is, even though I'm actually a pretty good flirt, I have no way to gauge whether I'm laying it on too thick or not showing my interest at all.
Author Isolde Posted January 31, 2009 Author Posted January 31, 2009 Kermit said that it isn't easy being green. Well, it isn't easy being gay and black, either. Just be yourself, and stop worrying about how you're perceived - because life is way too short. When I was little I wanted to marry Kermit.
kashmir Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 You sound like Kashmir, Isolde. Just do it! Yeah, you do sound like me. Seriously, girls would be surprised how open guys are to them approaching. If a guy is turned off by it or thinks bad of you because you're stepping out of your female role then he's not worth it anyway. Most guys would love to be approached or even just smiled at. I know I would. Kashmir, you're a big jock who also has brains and is a sensitive type? Isnt that most girls ideal man?? That's right. No idea what their ideal man is, though. If I happen to be that, awesome. If I don't, then that's awesome too. I would approach you and you'd reject me for being a creep. I get typecast as a big hair, ugly loser who hates everyone and only wants to sleep with girls as sex objects. The opposite is true. I want to ... okay so maybe it is true. But I think girls are really sweet and I want to hug and kiss them. Your innocence would serve as an attractive quality because I feel a relationship would best work with someone as emotionally retarded as myself. In any case our encounter might go something LIKE THIS. Me - How are you going ? You - Good...... looking away. Me - I like your shirt it is pretty. You - Okay... Thanks Me - Your shoes are nice too. You - I'm going to go talk to my friend === > way over there. Me - Aawww. As I hang my head. What you're thinking is this. " Omg he is tall and he has dark hair and looks european he must be a rapist of some sort" Meanwhile I am thinking. "I want to kill everyone in this room so that we can be alone together but alas, I am kinda bad at killing things" Really I am just an honest guy trying to make it in a woman's world. BP, I'm not going to chastise you much because I can doubt myself a lot too, but not like you. This is a really bad attitude. Even if its true (which it probably isn't), you shouldn't go into an interaction thinking that she's going to judge for the smallest stuff and probably dismiss you as creep. At least go into it thinking that you have a good chance at succeeding and that you're a perfectly fine guy that can get a decent woman like anyone else.
Author Isolde Posted January 31, 2009 Author Posted January 31, 2009 Actually, the more I think about it, the more I realize that my issue isn't so much being "sweet and innocent" as much as an intense fear of rejection. Green was right.
BoredPerson Posted February 1, 2009 Posted February 1, 2009 Yeah, you do sound like me. BP, I'm not going to chastise you much because I can doubt myself a lot too, but not like you. This is a really bad attitude. Even if its true (which it probably isn't), you shouldn't go into an interaction thinking that she's going to judge for the smallest stuff and probably dismiss you as creep. At least go into it thinking that you have a good chance at succeeding and that you're a perfectly fine guy that can get a decent woman like anyone else. I am big ugly bastard and I don't have a glamorous job. No pretty little thing like the girl in this thread is going to go out with me. That is what I am trying to point out. Lots of guys will approach her, only she will reject them all. Heard this story 100 times before.
BoredPerson Posted February 1, 2009 Posted February 1, 2009 Actually, the more I think about it, the more I realize that my issue isn't so much being "sweet and innocent" as much as an intense fear of rejection. Green was right. What do you want ? You are a woman. Wear nice clothes be nice to men and they will ask you out. BE NICE. I say again. BE NICE. Men like women that are NICE to them.
kdark Posted February 1, 2009 Posted February 1, 2009 I am big ugly bastard and I don't have a glamorous job. No pretty little thing like the girl in this thread is going to go out with me. That is what I am trying to point out. Lots of guys will approach her, only she will reject them all. Heard this story 100 times before. Just look at the In Search Of forum. All the guys that post there can't find/approach women. All the girls can't find the right ones. C'est la vie.
You'reasian Posted February 1, 2009 Posted February 1, 2009 When I was little I wanted to marry Kermit. Just thought I'd let you know that I too am an amphibian.
Green Posted February 1, 2009 Posted February 1, 2009 Actually, the more I think about it, the more I realize that my issue isn't so much being "sweet and innocent" as much as an intense fear of rejection. Green was right. ok so now that you realise you're problem isn't being seen as to sweet or inocent and that you have a real fear stopping you from doing the things you want what are you going to do about it?
Lovelybird Posted February 1, 2009 Posted February 1, 2009 I think it is very important where you put your faith upon, put your self-worth upon. If you think people's acceptance is such a core validation to your self-worth, you are bound to fear the rejections. If you put your self-worth upon man's acceptance, you are bound to be a typecast. If you put your faith and self-worth on right place, you can taste the freedom
Green Posted February 1, 2009 Posted February 1, 2009 I think it is very important where you put your faith upon, put your self-worth upon. If you think people's acceptance is such a core validation to your self-worth, you are bound to fear the rejections. If you put your self-worth upon man's acceptance, you are bound to be a typecast. If you put your faith and self-worth on right place, you can taste the freedom very wise advise, believing in the right thing will set you free
Author Isolde Posted February 1, 2009 Author Posted February 1, 2009 ok so now that you realise you're problem isn't being seen as to sweet or inocent and that you have a real fear stopping you from doing the things you want what are you going to do about it? Good question. I don't know. I'm getting into the habit of smiling at guys I think are cute or smile at me first. But I don't think I can just approach randoms--even if I didn't get rejected, I seriously doubt I would get asked out. I just can't seem to tell the difference between guys that think I'm cute/their type and guys that think I'm ok but aren't interested.
Green Posted February 1, 2009 Posted February 1, 2009 Good question. I don't know. I'm getting into the habit of smiling at guys I think are cute or smile at me first. But I don't think I can just approach randoms--even if I didn't get rejected, I seriously doubt I would get asked out. I just can't seem to tell the difference between guys that think I'm cute/their type and guys that think I'm ok but aren't interested. If they want to spend time with you on a regular basis then they are interested! next time you see a guy you like say "you should ask me out" in a cute flirtatious way. just do it. You've got nothing to lose. I'm not going to feel sorry for you untill you actually started getting rejected
Author Isolde Posted February 1, 2009 Author Posted February 1, 2009 If they want to spend time with you on a regular basis then they are interested! next time you see a guy you like say "you should ask me out" in a cute flirtatious way. just do it. You've got nothing to lose. I'm not going to feel sorry for you untill you actually started getting rejected How do I know that they want to spend time with me on a regular basis?
Green Posted February 1, 2009 Posted February 1, 2009 How do I know that they want to spend time with me on a regular basis? because you'll make yourself available, obviously available to some one you like and you'll just be your awsome self and they'll love it and they won't be able to get enough of you and they'll be like "let me take you out to lunch so we can talk some more" and by the end of that date there will be another one set up and before long things will be natural and there will be kissing and all your fears will be gone and you can just enjoy
Author Isolde Posted February 1, 2009 Author Posted February 1, 2009 because you'll make yourself available, obviously available to some one you like and you'll just be your awsome self and they'll love it and they won't be able to get enough of you and they'll be like "let me take you out to lunch so we can talk some more" and by the end of that date there will be another one set up and before long things will be natural and there will be kissing and all your fears will be gone and you can just enjoy Are you trying to tempt me into rejection?!
Author Isolde Posted February 1, 2009 Author Posted February 1, 2009 Just thought I'd let you know that I too am an amphibian. Now that's the way to impress a girl, spend half of your life in the water.
You'reasian Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 Now that's the way to impress a girl, spend half of your life in the water. Getting wet is fun....... And who doesn't like splashing in the water
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