Trialbyfire Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 TBF, I'm petite too--barely 5'4" and very thin. You're taller than I am, you big brute! What I was trying to say is that you can change perception. It's how you react to things and also, how you choose to project yourself. Flirt a little more than you normally would but flirt less than you've done in the past. Be playful. Use your eyes, body language and words, to flirt. Btw, sandbagging is fun, particularly when it's in response to condescension. Try it sometime!
Author Isolde Posted January 29, 2009 Author Posted January 29, 2009 You're taller than I am, you big brute! What I was trying to say is that you can change perception. It's how you react to things and also, how you choose to project yourself. Flirt a little more than you normally would but flirt less than you've done in the past. Be playful. Use your eyes, body language and words, to flirt. Btw, sandbagging is fun, particularly when it's in response to condescension. Try it sometime! How I react to things, how? And what is sandbagging?
You'reasian Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 How I react to things, how? And what is sandbagging? Sandbagging is a military slang term that refers to lacking enthusiasm, motivation and effort - atleast that's what I know it as.
Green Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 you are your own worst enemy if I got you to follow my advice you would have an attractive guy calling you by the end of the week. Seriously you've typecast yourself
Author Isolde Posted January 30, 2009 Author Posted January 30, 2009 you are your own worst enemy if I got you to follow my advice you would have an attractive guy calling you by the end of the week. Seriously you've typecast yourself I almost approached this pretty cute guy today. I couldn't bring myself to do it. I kept thinking he would think of me as creepy/scary. If he had made prolonged eye contact, I would have probably got the guts. But as it stood I figured he probably wouldn't react.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 You sound like Kashmir, Isolde. Just do it!
zenith Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 You sound like Kashmir, Isolde. Just do it! that's a compliment, right? I agree, though... Just do it!
Charles1978 Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 I almost approached this pretty cute guy today. I couldn't bring myself to do it. I kept thinking he would think of me as creepy/scary. If he had made prolonged eye contact, I would have probably got the guts. But as it stood I figured he probably wouldn't react. Nah... you wouldn't come off as creepy. Seriously. Personally, I like smaller thin girls. But you are correct... they are usually the quieter ones, not as sure of themselves. But they are usually the most interesting. Every girl I have dated has been on the small side, and sometimes they seemed intimidated by women who had big boobs, taller, etc. Two of them got fake boobs while I dated them, but they didn't have to. They were both great girls, and very attractive. They just weren't open to the idea that guys were attracted to them, or they were oblivious to it. I have no problem meeting women, but I gravitate to girls like yourself. Just be yourself and it'll happen for you.
LavendarGirl Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 Next time you see a guy you are interested in, give him eye contact with a bit of a smile. It might be out of your element, but he won't think you are shy if you are projecting yourself as confident and approachable.
movingonandon Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 It's interesting. I've always been typecast as sweet, somewhat shy/quiet, and innocent. I think being called sweet is a compliment, but the other things sometimes bother me, if only because they don't convey the numerous other qualities I possess, that people don't see until they know me for a while. (FWIW, I am happy with who I am, and don't need external approval--but I can't help being affected by what other people think!) I don't look or act twelve, mind you. I have breasts and curves and my demeanor is not childish. I do look a bit younger than 22, but I could be wearing lots of makeup, sexy clothes and be drinking and I'd still give off the sweet/innocent vibe. I really think this is part of the reason why guys don't approach me or chat me up unless they're tipsy. The thing is, I don't think that naivete is an attractive trait to guys in this day and age. I don't want to come across jaded, but I hate feeling like people can actually SENSE my inexperience. That makes me feel very vulnerable. Numerous people, including guys have told me in the past that they could tell I hadn't had a boyfriend. And people rarely assume that I am taken! What gives? I seem to convey some sort of virginal aura (and I'm not a virgin, on the contrary I love sex). I don't necessarily want to change, but it would be nice not to feel like a blushing schoolgirl at the mercy of the boys on the playground. What do you guys think? Is naivete, or the appearance of it, a turnoff or something that scares guys away? You're really very, really very wrong to want to change that "vibe". Most guys would take a "sweet and innocent" over "loudmouth worldly" any day. I know that you're supposed to be a bitch in your 20's, but don't rush it - you'll get there eventually:lmao:
Author Isolde Posted January 30, 2009 Author Posted January 30, 2009 Next time you see a guy you are interested in, give him eye contact with a bit of a smile. It might be out of your element, but he won't think you are shy if you are projecting yourself as confident and approachable. I mean, I've done this before several times. Usually the result would be some eye contact and smiles back--but no conversation. It's strange how everyone on this board thinks eye contact is key, but the most I've gotten out of it is just the small pleasure of getting it returned. Often, I get a stare and no smile--that's annoying, makes me feel creepy.
doushenka Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 I find when I'm out at a party and I attract a hot girl, she's quickly turned off when I start revealing some of my dorky-ness - speaking elaborately, being confident but NOT cocky, expressing my interests in certain academics and music. I've had this hunch for a while, so I once tested it out. I did my best to act like a looked at a party - loud, cocky, not very deep. I attracted more girls. I didn't keep the charade up, though. I know I'm not exactly a hot girl, but I wish more academically-minded guys were also somewhat attractive. Too many of them have to grow up first, unfortunately. Hang around a library sometime. You might find a girl who's got looks and brains to match yours... :-)
zenith Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 I know I'm not exactly a hot girl, but I wish more academically-minded guys were also somewhat attractive. you shouldn't underestimate yourself
MN randomguy Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 I mean, I've done this before several times. Usually the result would be some eye contact and smiles back--but no conversation. It's strange how everyone on this board thinks eye contact is key, but the most I've gotten out of it is just the small pleasure of getting it returned. Often, I get a stare and no smile--that's annoying, makes me feel creepy. There is a body language thing. I'm not really good at reading this, but two things: 1. I don't know exactly how, but some women seem too concerted with what they're doing to be approached. Are you always on your phone or appearing really into whatever you're doing? I'm not a real expert on this, but some girls seem carefree and wouldn't kind a talk about a little talk about the citrus in the market. 2. The quieter guys are doing the same thing you are. "Oh, she's cute. I should just go talk to her." If you got over your fear of saying the first thing you'd basically have a large section of the male population to yourself.
Author Isolde Posted January 30, 2009 Author Posted January 30, 2009 I know I'm not exactly a hot girl, but I wish more academically-minded guys were also somewhat attractive. Too many of them have to grow up first, unfortunately. Hang around a library sometime. You might find a girl who's got looks and brains to match yours... :-) I've actually met plenty of smart, somewhat dorky guys that were also fairly cute. The problem is that generally these guys are either very arrogant, or very shy, until at LEAST around 25.
Jaytb Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 I almost approached this pretty cute guy today. I couldn't bring myself to do it. I kept thinking he would think of me as creepy/scary. If he had made prolonged eye contact, I would have probably got the guts. But as it stood I figured he probably wouldn't react. You just have to do it! lol It's like anything else in life, being passive won't get you anywhere. You have to be proactive about it.
zhsoj Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 Nerds rule! See, both a little arrogant and shy. And I'm 25. The best thing about nerds is that we get better with age. Now that that's out of the way, Isolde, have you tried the online dating route? You can pick who you want to contact first, and see if they are too shy to ask you out...
GoodOnPaper Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 I know I'm not exactly a hot girl, but I wish more academically-minded guys were also somewhat attractive. Ouch . . . but that sums up how I was viewed by women. Of course, I remember thinking the same about academically-minded women. I think a lot of younger people in each group wear blinders with respect to each other as they search for mates that meet more universal social/attractiveness standards. Only now, almost 20 years out of college, am I discovering that not only are there actually women with some nerdy interests and tastes, but that they (the women) are often very interesting . . .
Green Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 anyone who feels typecast only has themselves to blame. When Isolde chickened out from talking to that guy she actualy says she wanted to talk to but then didn't out of fear she is showing her main problem her insane fear of rejection. As a girl you really don't have to put yourself out there like a guy you only have to smile and look at a guy maybe at most go say hi to him. Just say hi to every guy you find cute, walk up and say hi nice weather, or hi I wonder what book I should buy... really you don't have to do much but seem friendly and aproachable and then its up to the guy. If you get confident you can ask the guy out but that takes more guts then you probably have since you couldnt even say hi... damn just do it already it makes me sick to think of a perfectly hot and smexy girl like you going to waist
Author Isolde Posted January 31, 2009 Author Posted January 31, 2009 anyone who feels typecast only has themselves to blame. When Isolde chickened out from talking to that guy she actualy says she wanted to talk to but then didn't out of fear she is showing her main problem her insane fear of rejection. As a girl you really don't have to put yourself out there like a guy you only have to smile and look at a guy maybe at most go say hi to him. Just say hi to every guy you find cute, walk up and say hi nice weather, or hi I wonder what book I should buy... really you don't have to do much but seem friendly and aproachable and then its up to the guy. If you get confident you can ask the guy out but that takes more guts then you probably have since you couldnt even say hi... damn just do it already it makes me sick to think of a perfectly hot and smexy girl like you going to waist I mean, some guys aren't going to be attracted or will be short for other reasons. Such rejections make me feel depressed like I'm reaching out of my league or something. I've talked to guys for school/work purposes and not one has seemed interested in getting to know me further, so you can imagine why I'm so hesitant. I already said that simply looking and smiling a little bit gets me no results.
MissShelly Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 I always tend to be the girl good enough to sleep with but not good enough to be with. I know I shouldn't give in to intimacy too soon either but I have little self control there.
shadowplay Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 Isolde, I have exactly the same problem. In fact, I could have written your post word for word. I'm naturally shy and quiet, but when I try to be friendly and warm I still come off as cold/awkward/aloof according to what everyone tells me. The one time in my life I made a real effort to flirt, the guy was totally creeped out. It's sad because I didn't think I was overdoing it and actually felt confident at the time. Never trying that again. Call it one-trial conditioning! People also would typecast me as sweet and innocent because I look younger than my age and I have these large doe eyes. I sort of outgrew that as I gained more confidence and maturity. I suspect you will too.
kdark Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 I wish I could meet girls like you. All the girls my age I meet all seem to have boyfriends or just want to party. Long term relationships seem to be a thing of the past in my age bracket (20-25). But I know girls like you exist. You are just much harder to find because you don't advertise yourselves as well as the rest of them.
Dumbledore Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 Kermit said that it isn't easy being green. Well, it isn't easy being gay and black, either. Just be yourself, and stop worrying about how you're perceived - because life is way too short.
torranceshipman Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 Kashmir, you're a big jock who also has brains and is a sensitive type? Isnt that most girls ideal man??
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