consume Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 Hello all, I really need some advice on my situation, an outside perspective on a situation with my ex/friend. My ex and I dated for 2 and 1/2 years, and although there were many good times, it was a rocky relationship. My ex use to smoke alot of pot, maybe 5-7 times per day, and so when she ran out, she would take out her anger issues/frustration on me. After a while my feelings for her obviously shrank down to the point where I fell out of love with her. This past summer we decided to call a truce and break things off because it just wasn't working between us and my feelings primarily were fading for her. I got a new job around the same time but had to go away for training, and before I left, my ex and I decided we would try and make things work. While I was away on my training, I screwed up, and I cheated with someone I had met at my new work. I was really unhappy with things and I fell for this other girl. Soon after, I explained things to my now ex, and as such we broke up. She moved out and to other town about 100km's away, and I kept on with the girl I had met at work. I always kept in touch with my ex, however she mentioned numerous times that she could not be friends anymore, and wasn't sure if that was even a possibility in the future. We still talked on the phone though a few times a week. Fast forward to new years eve, and this current girl from my work that I'm seeing, lets me know she's still banging her ex bf, the entire time she was with me as well. And all 15 minutes before the new year rang in. So, that was the end of that and her and things ended with her. Pretty soon after that was done, I started hanging out with my ex again, but as friends. I still care about my ex, and I do have feelings for her. Well, over the last 3 weeks, my ex and I have been seeing eachother 2-3 times a week, and maybe twice a week, sleeping together still. Obvisouly that's playing with my emotions, I know. My ex has always said that she needs to move on, and start her life in this new town which sucks to hear, and although our relationship was never great, I did blow our final chance I feel. I think anyways, but I hope(d) not. Well, my ex just got a full time job, and she wants to work a second job at nights to keep herself busy. One day on the weekend she volunteers, and she's got friends that she hangs out with quite frequently with, plus she's excited about started her new jobs and meeting new people. So.. this is where my problem is. Her and are currently still hanging out 2-3 times a week, until she starts her new job of course. We're sleeping together, but just friends. This is where things get complicated for me, and my emotions are getting really, really messed up. I'm very happy for her that she's got all these things going on for her now, she tells me all the time she's excited to meet new people and hang out with new friends. As you can imagine though, I'm now starting to wonder... with all this work, and her friends, and new people she'll be around... where will I fit in? I've fit in with her plans for the last 2 and 1/2 years, we lived together up until 4 months ago, and now, once all this stuff starts rolling, I'll get to see her when? I just feel very confused on whats going to happen... she didn't think she could be friends while I was seeing the other girl, understandably though, and now were haning out alot and still sleeping together. So, am I just here until she's busy with everything, and meets new friends? She tells me all the time, she's worried she's leading me on, and doesn't want to be. She says right now, she can't be more then friends, and doesn't know if there is anything for us in the future. She's not excluding the possibility but for right now, she doesn't want a relationship. A few people have told me to drop her and move on myself... but this is where my emotions and feelings for her come into it, and I'm really confused. And worried whats going to happen. Will I be in the picture soon? Or am I just a friend until she can move on with new friends, and be busy with work and life in her new place? Setting my self up for major hurt? Or do I keep pursuing this? Thanks for any replies. I no longer work at the same place where I met the other girl.
Still Trying Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 You're romanticizing an old, and failed relationship - it's not healthy so stop it! I've done it so much that I can absolutely relate, it's so very easy to look back and only see the good stuff... things that stick out for me in your post... You cheated on her and in my opinion that can never be truly forgiven. You were completely unhappy with her, (and her addiction), yet you still loved her on some level. She's using you now because she's finally the one with the power. Having sex with you is her way of creating and maintaining this power. Stop letting her do this. You need to move on. You might be able to be friends from a distance, but stop seeing her right away, sounds like she's planning on bailing any way, and can you blame her? Don't fool yourself thinking that you can be good friends with someone that you dated for 2.5 years. I have maintained friendships with exes but they weren't serious, or long term relationships. You don't have to shut her out entirely, after all there's a lot of history there, but seeing her 2 -3 times a week isn't healthy for either of you. Real life experience talking here. And yes, I've cheated, and been cheated on before. you best believe in Karma, she's very real! good luck, all of this is easier said than done!
Weird Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 yeah I pretty much agree with Still Trying. Drop the large amount of communication with this girl ASAP as it will do nothing but mess you up. I also say the chances of being "friends" with her are about 1 in 1 million...too much history there. Maybe if you both lost your memory and could start fresh. heh
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