shurikenlj Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 OK, so basically I'd been with a girl for three months, and during that time we'd basically fallen intensely and passionately in love. Spent several days a week at her house, went out all the time, slept over continually, basically we saw each other absolutely tons. She was always quite full-on, while I (this was actually my first relationship, I'm 23) was a bit reserved and trying to take things slowly. Long story short, I became concerned that she wanted more out of this relationship than I did (she's 26 and had discussed wanting kids by 30, she wanted me to move out of my folks' place- not in with her, just away from them, and she wanted to know every little thing going on inside my head, even the private stuff), and I finally basically said "I don't think we can go any further with this." Funnily enough, I took it far worse than she did, I was crying and gutted, where she was a little upset but kept telling me she was fine and kept worrying about me. Thing is, the pain's not getting easier. I know about this no-contact rule and I had to implement it (she wanted to go out to an event as 'friends' a few days after the breakup, and I had to tell her I just wasn't ready for it), but to be honest I think all that's done is make me want to talk to her more and more. I know we don't have a future together, I'm not ready for what she wants, but I love her and I miss her and I wish I didn't have to do this. I try to remind myself it's for both of our own goods (and that's another reason I broke up with her, so I didn't lead her along or disappoint her) but that doesn't help. I can't sleep properly, and I'm having weird mood swings... one moment I'm cool calm and fine, and the next I'm breaking down and having to keep myself from calling her and seeing how she is. I know I can't get back with her, it would just be cruel to both of us, but I hate this so much...
stace79 Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 Don't call; don't write. Write down on a piece of paper all the reasons you did the right thing, and whenever you have the downswing in emotions read it over and over until the urge to call her goes away. You ARE right not to call -- if there is no future, you would only be hurting yourself more. Like pulling off a bandaid really really slowly! Sounds like you are doing the right and honorable thing. Keep it up!
diskey23 Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 if its your first relationship, date at least two other girls & if this one still lingers, then think about your next move, youre young man.
Hersheys Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 Good for her. That is how a breakup should be handled. You thought she wanted a relationship so bad you got scared and had to run away but you did not get the typical breakup reaction you were expecting. It's good that you saved each other from further pain. Do not contact her anymore. You never wanted to be with her anyway. Let her find someone more worthy of her time and attention. Heal yourself and learn from this breakup.
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