cxz214 Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 Alright i think this girl has thrown me to the curb. So anyway I've went out with this girl while she had a bf, but then they broke up about a week ago. She was always calling and texting me during this time and all that good stuff. Well I thought we were hiting it off pretty well and then bam her bf asked her back out on sunday. She told me they had known each other for 5 years and that she loved him. Now she doesn't really speak to me anymore. I just don't see how she could lose interest that fast. So heres my question she asked me to this formal ball thing I believe last Thursday, she asked if i was still going. I told her yes, but she then told me that were going as friends. Think there is anyway i can change this from just friends? Also should i go haha?
Lauriebell82 Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 Your first mistake was dating a girl who already has a boyfriend! Duh! Does her boyfreind know about you? Of course she got back together with him, you are just her affair! Sorry to say dude, but you set yourself up for this one. I say tell her that you are planning to actually go to the dance by yourself. Say that if she wants to be with her boyfriend than that's fine but you don't wish to see her anymore if that's the case. That would be the smart thing to do. If you chose to take her and/or even try to win her back you are setting yourself up for more hurt. Find a single girl, they are out there!
SadGirl_xoxo Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 Ok, as a girl, let me share my views on this.... this girl, as nice as she may be, sounds to me like she is in love with her boyfriend. For the week while they had broken up, she probably felt upset, confused, emotional..etc, and then, there was you! Her temporary knight in shining armor coming to save the days....until her boyfriend returned. I don't believe anyone deliberately sets out to hurt anyone, but what she did was very selfish..and honestly, I don't think you should take her to the dance...and also...the biggest advice i can give you right now..is...never ever ever ever..date a girl who already has a boyfriend. I think this fact shows a lot about this girls character. I mean, if she is going to date you while she has a boyfriend, if you were to become her boyfriend, would you really trust that she wouldn't be dating someone else on the side? In the politest possible way I say this: respect yourself a little more.
amaysngrace Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 Can you bring someone else to this formal? I'd blow it off personally just like she's blowing you off now. You were convenient for her while she was sorting things out in her head. Basically she used you as a safety net. I'd have zero time for her. But that's just me.
O'Malley Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 You were filler material for her, both during her relationship and after the breakup. By accepting the crumbs she throws your way, you'll reaffirm that position. There's nothing else for you with her, because she wants it that way. If you don't want to be an option in her life, you have to walk away completely and end all contact.
carhill Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 Hey, you're 19. If you're all the same age and you don't engage your emotions, just have fun. Sounds like a serial dating situation. Date lots of other girls. If this one wants to hang out, cool, but don't invest yourself in her. Use the experiences to learn how women relate to men so you can better choose and relate to a serious partner in the future. It's good to see all aspects of women. Great education. Have fun!
Author cxz214 Posted January 27, 2009 Author Posted January 27, 2009 Yeah I know we were going out like 3 weeks before they broke up. I was taking this slow because I have never been in this situation before. Her bf knew about me, but I don't know how much he knew. The ball is something her grandparents do every year or something like that. Anyway the reason I met this girl was because I went on a trip with my fam and my aunt and uncle brought their friend and that friend brought her daughter. So I've gotten to know her fam pretty well. Her fam likes me and her friends like me, but they all do not like her bf. So just call it off and not speak to her? Also to make this worse I'm supposed to go on a cruise with the same people again woo!
Lauriebell82 Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 Yeah I know we were going out like 3 weeks before they broke up. I was taking this slow because I have never been in this situation before. Her bf knew about me, but I don't know how much he knew. The ball is something her grandparents do every year or something like that. Anyway the reason I met this girl was because I went on a trip with my fam and my aunt and uncle brought their friend and that friend brought her daughter. So I've gotten to know her fam pretty well. Her fam likes me and her friends like me, but they all do not like her bf. So just call it off and not speak to her? Also to make this worse I'm supposed to go on a cruise with the same people again woo! Yes, "blow her off." But don't be a total a-hole about it. Just cut off all contact, if she contacts you tell her you don't want to talk or see her anymore. If she keeps calling (which she might, as most likely she will get sick of her BF again) ignore her. She'll eventually get the hint.
carhill Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 OP, why isn't she going to the ball with her BF? Is it because her family doesn't like him and he's not invited? I still maintain this is a good way to see into the psychology of some women and learn to better ascertain signs of such behaviors early-on, before becoming invested. Women (some) lie about their relationships, whether they be outright lies or lies of omission. Practice will help you catch these situations earlier and waste less of your time. As I suggested, date other girls and do something novel; go with the girl to her grandparent's ball as a "friend". Just observe. Don't invest. Don't be physical (sexual) with her. Who knows who you might meet there
Lauriebell82 Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 OP, why isn't she going to the ball with her BF? Is it because her family doesn't like him and he's not invited? I still maintain this is a good way to see into the psychology of some women and learn to better ascertain signs of such behaviors early-on, before becoming invested. Women (some) lie about their relationships, whether they be outright lies or lies of omission. Practice will help you catch these situations earlier and waste less of your time. As I suggested, date other girls and do something novel; go with the girl to her grandparent's ball as a "friend". Just observe. Don't invest. Don't be physical (sexual) with her. Who knows who you might meet there I disagree. That will give her the impression that she can just use him when her boyfriend "isn't available." Plus, she probably doesn't want to go as "just friends" she is just trying to manipulate him into going. In general for females "just friends" means: a) I do not have interest in you b) I may like you but I'm dating guys I'm more into c) I want to keep you around by giving you some kind of contact
carhill Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 My suggestion keeps him in control. It's just an event. I still do such things to observe. Life is like one big school She can't manipulate him unless he's invested. OP, are you invested here? I'm in no way suggesting that he take actions to compete with her BF or play into her supposed manipulations. It's strictly a learning experience. Her family likes him, ergo she hates him (for a relationship). Typical female behavior at that age. That's great. I hope he has a good time with her family. Caring less always wins
JohnnyBlaze Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 I'd nix the ball and cruise. Whether or not her family likes you is irrelevant; she made her decision, and unfortunately, it wasn't you. In your position, I'd go with someone else instead. You take buddies to bars; dances are for dates. If she still wants to go, she can get her boyfriend to take her. If he doesn't take her (for whatever reason), that's her problem, not yours. If you want to stay friends with her in the long term (realizing that most likely, that's all you'll ever be to her), then go ahead - that's your choice. But if you do, treat her as a friend, and JUST a friend. Treat her like one of the guys; if you're out and you see a cute chick, excuse yourself and go talk to her. If you don't want to go somewhere, then don't let any amount of whining and pleading change your mind (and give her grief for whining like a little baby). That's what you'd do around the guys, right? Once she becomes just a friend, she's no different anymore. That's how I'd approach it, anyway.
carhill Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 Yep, friend-zone Nothing interests a woman more than a guy who irritates her
Lauriebell82 Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 Yep, friend-zone Nothing interests a woman more than a guy who irritates her True, but I still think she will continue to manipulate him. He is still interested in her and even if he DOES treat her like a friend she will most likely hate it and try to get him back. OP, are you going to be strong enough to resist her? You'll fall right back into her little trap.
carhill Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 My bet is he likely won't be able to "resist" her and will learn another important lesson about life. More lessons, better grades, greater job opportunities after graduation. If he was in his mid-late 20's, I'd be taking a completely different tack, like I have with a certain therapist IMO, it is really age-related. The OP sounds like he doesn't have a lot of relationship experience. Socializing will give him more experience. Yes, he'll make mistakes and get hurt. We all do. By understanding the kind of woman who would date/be interested in other men while she has an off-again, on-again BF, he can better identify the signs in the future, when they're not so obvious, and avoid such women in the beginning, before becoming interested in them romantically. OP, you asked in your first post "Is there any way I can change this from "just friends"? The answer to that is no. You own your perspective and she owns hers. It's up to her to change her viewpoint regarding you. In the context of honesty, I don't believe she's the kind of woman you'd want to (or be able to) have a healthy relationship with, even if she suddenly (or not so suddenly) dropped her BF and became interested in you. Tell me, thinking about that, would reasons do you think I have for expressing that opinion? More homework
Author cxz214 Posted January 27, 2009 Author Posted January 27, 2009 Thanks guys for the advice. Don't know how to put this, but she asked me to go with her a little after her and her bf broke up. I have no obligations to go and I have a feeling she doesn't want me to go because she has asked me a few times if I was still going. I wouldn't feel right bringing someone else because no one, but that girl has spoken to me about the ball. As for the girl I had mixed feelings about her, I wasn't even sure if I wanted a relationship, but now guess I don't haha. I mean if it worked out that was cool if not oh well. So I guess if going to the ball doesn't help my chances any then I guess there is no point in me going. Good thing I can always use the suit and tie for something else haha. As for the cruise I will be going with my family and her family will be there too so i'll see her there. Be ok for me to cancell?
Lauriebell82 Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 Thanks guys for the advice. Don't know how to put this, but she asked me to go with her a little after her and her bf broke up. I have no obligations to go and I have a feeling she doesn't want me to go because she has asked me a few times if I was still going. I wouldn't feel right bringing someone else because no one, but that girl has spoken to me about the ball. As for the girl I had mixed feelings about her, I wasn't even sure if I wanted a relationship, but now guess I don't haha. I mean if it worked out that was cool if not oh well. So I guess if going to the ball doesn't help my chances any then I guess there is no point in me going. Good thing I can always use the suit and tie for something else haha. As for the cruise I will be going with my family and her family will be there too so i'll see her there. Be ok for me to cancell? Hell yeah it would be okay! Move on!
carhill Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 Dude, don't go to the ball, but save the suit for the cruise. No way would I cancel the cruise. Tons of babes there
Lauriebell82 Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 Dude, don't go to the ball, but save the suit for the cruise. No way would I cancel the cruise. Tons of babes there Oh yeah def. I didn't know if he meant that he should cancel both things. Def. go on the cruise, I agree with carhill that there will be tons of girls there..in string bikinis.
Author cxz214 Posted January 28, 2009 Author Posted January 28, 2009 Haha alright thanks. So just tell her I've changed my mind and I'm not going?
Author cxz214 Posted January 31, 2009 Author Posted January 31, 2009 Thanks again for all the help. I'm not going to that ball woo, so I'm good on that. I've also moved on and found this single chick from new zealand. I would have to say the accent gets me a little excited haha. Yeah, so I hope everything works out better this time and take her on the cruise lol.
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