forever&always Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 Firstly, I can't believe I'm posting here. I've been reading other people's problems for about a month now and I suppose the feeling of knowing I was not the only one feeling the way I did was enough. It's to the point now where I need to share and get things off my chest and stop bottling them up. So by me saying, "I can't believe I'm posting here", I am - in no way - trying to be rude or seem that I am making fun of those who do post here. Me saying, "I can't believe I'm posting here" is I suppose the final push I'm giving myself to stop ignoring what I'm feeling and get it out in the open. My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost 8 months. We're that annoying couple that finish each others' sentences, enjoy staying at home watching movies together, and generally can have such a great time doing nothing at all as long as we're together. It's been a stretch for me to be this happy person for the past several months. This is where it's about to turn into a book... so the faint of heart and those who hate reading, turn back now. Those of you who are still in for the long haul, a "thanks" ahead of time. Here we go. Back story: Before we were OFFICIALLY dating, she talked about her exes all the time. Telling me they were just her friends. (I didn't find out that I had been learning everything there was to know about her exes until later... when she told me who they were.) Every day, I heard dozens of stories about how Blahblah did this one time, and like two hours later, her and Blahblah did this. Because I didn't know they were exes, I dismissed the pictures that were all over her computer of them (most naked, some not) as just... odd. Then we started dating. I'm not a jealous person, normally... but dating her brings it out in me. I wanted to be with her from the very moment we first met. We both agree - even to this day - that we had such an amazing connection from day one. I suppose that's why I haven't thrown in the towel yet. We still have this amazing connection. Like she's the half of me I've always been missing, but didn't know until I found her. I was never a snoop before her, either. I'm a naturally curious person. I have to know everything about everything, whether it's in academics or in a situation. I never had a reason to be a snoop before her, either. (I realize this is already super long. I'm sorry... I'm sure I already seem crazy. But I have nowhere else to go... and no one else to tell.) Once, before we were dating, we were laying on the couch watching a movie... I was in front of her, asleep, but was woken up by her texting on her phone. I shrugged it off and started to fall back asleep, when I saw her delete the text message she sent in reply to whomever it was. Minutes later, she shook me awake to read the reply to the message she had to deleted. Their reply was something like, "I miss you. Whenever I think about you I get so horny, etc etc etc." She made it appear that the messages she let me see were sent all on someone else's initiative, like she hadn't replied at all. I left it at that. A time later - I'm skipping things that had happened, like picture frames hidden away with pictures of exes in them - (and after that we've moved in together - don't tell me it was too early or something... it was a last minute decision for us both because of a crappy roommate situation), I'm looking in her closet to find construction paper to make her little notes to stick everywhere as a surprise (think Post Secret style), I came across several CDs. Yes, I know I'm a snoop, no need to tell me again. I looked at the CDs, only to find about a million and a half more pictures of the exes. After we've already discussed that I am not a fan of them, or her having pictures of them. We argued about this too... my point being - she made a whole move. All of her stuff. She went through it at her old place and threw away dozens of bags of trash including pictures, clothes, papers, and other knick nacks... but yet manages to bring these CDs, with all of these pictures of ex 1,2, and 3. She made a move, IN WITH ME, and didn't throw those away. Kept them. Hid them under construction paper. And find out a few days later that she had a secret email address for an ex and a secret myspace for an ex that still exist to this day. She hasn't deleted them, and claims she can't. (Yeah... just like she "forgot" about the CDs she had stashed away full of pictures.) I've cut out quite a bit, trying to keep this as short as possible... so if it seems to lack unification... you'll understand why. It's already ridiculously long. I continue to tell her that it's obvious she isn't over her exes, and that it's impossible for her to be in love with me while she's still in love with a certain one of them. To this, she quickly claims to me that I am the love of her life and that she will do anything she can to prove it to me. Thus far, stumbling upon (that's what it is, stumbling. I swear to God I don't go looking for things to upset me, that would be so tiresome) things given to her by exes, or pictures/messages/letters from/letters to/presents she had made for a former ex that she tried to re-gift to myself/etc. reall isn't my idea of proving true love to me. I don't know... it's way worse here than I could ever express in text in a forum... but what do you think? Each time, it's like my heart is slowly breaking. What do you think? Don't get on to me for snooping, it's not an active habit. Or something I try to excell at, it just happens. I could really just use someone with an opinion at this point. Thank you for reading this mammoth of a post. Let's hope I don't sound as crazy as I'm sure I am, or like a complete loser. Sorry it's so long, again!
hunkahunkaburninlove Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 Just tell her you want to join the ex club. Give her a bunch of pictures of you and tell her to make a CD. Tell her that she can't have both. Tell her if she wants to live in the past.....she will live in your past. Then leave for the weekend. But not before keylogging her computer and putting a VAR in her car and home where she talks the most. Keylogger at least.
Author forever&always Posted January 29, 2009 Author Posted January 29, 2009 I like the CD idea... but I'm not about to go keylogging her computer. I may have invaded her privacy before, but that was unintentional. This wouldn't be. I don't think anyone really deserves to be spied on like that.
hunkahunkaburninlove Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 When she lied to you, she gave up the right to privacy or to being with you. It is her choice. Until you can trust her, either dump her or find out what is going on. Apparently you don't understand that ex's are only ex's as long as she likes someone better (you). When things go a little south. She will ramp up communication. After all she needs a place to live and someone to pay the bills doesn't she? Based on your blahblah's or in siefeld terms Yada Yada. She is a serial cheater. Who sleeps with ex's in the same day an hour later. What about you is different the other ex's? They don't trust her. So be nobel and don't spy. But please get checked for STDs monthly.
manugeorge Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 Keeping pictures of exes hidden away is not something you can or should hold again your mate. They had a life before you and chances are they will have one after you (afterall most relationships do end at one point or the other..not to be jaded or anything). The point is those pictures, poems, etc, is a personal collection of their history and it's not your place or anyone's place to say that that history should be destroyed. As long as it's tucked away somewhere where it you are not confronted with them every day. Besides, someone may have zero physical evidence of a past relationship yet they may still be pining away for thier ex and you will not be the wiser since you can't read minds. It seems you have other issues going on with your ex though, I would just urge you to think objectively about things before you go raising a stink over old pictures.
playlislay Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 I dont think there is anything wrong with having pictures of your ex. Girls are highly sentimental and may just keep them for memories. It doesnt mean that she loves you any less, or her exes more. How many men do you think this girl loves? (rolls eyes) I have a scrap book. I have pictures of friends, family and my exes, they are part of my history but it doesnt mean that I want to go back to them! I never look at them thinking 'Ahhh, I wish I could be with him, I love him so much, blah blah blah......' Chill Mr.
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