shadowsfall Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 So last week was the first week back in college since the start of the semester, and our professor never showed up. As I was standing outside I was joking with a female classmate about it and after a little talking I asked her if she was going to buy her books for the class and we then decided to walk to the bookstore. We helped eachother find our books and then said goodbye. Now its the 2nd class and she walks in, sits down right next to me and starts talking to me right away, smiling almost excessively, and of course I reciprocate. We definitely seem to hit off, immediate dialogue, jokes, a lot of eye contact etc... This persisted throughout most of the 3 hour class tonight. I'm definitely not blind when it comes to reading a woman's body language, and this ones definitely exhibiting all the obvious ones. Not too mention It's only our second class and we're already walking to buy coffee together on our class break. When we walked back to our cars tonight, she was telling me how she didn't want to go home and study tonight. Perhaps that was her subtle hint at trying to get to know me better, and she was looking for me to invite her out? Lol I know this thinking may still be at a rather pre-mature stage this early in the game, but assuming she is indeed interested, how can I make SURE to keep her away from the dreaded friend zone while still having class with her once a week? Afterall these "school buddies" can be a rather easy situation to fall into. I wanted to invite her out tonight, but I think I made the right move by holding off until perhaps next week. How do you guys think I should "court" this girl? Thank you in advance!
Surfer Dude Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 The only way to stay out of friend zone is to ask her out and make a move. Don't stall.
prettybaby Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 I wanted to invite her out tonight, but I think I made the right move by holding off until perhaps next week. Yes you did the right thing. And yes, ask her out next week
djdiablo Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 I second the three motions above. - Tell her about activities you are doing and see if she will join you EXACTLY with those words! NOT whether she will come with you but whether she wants to join. - Touch her a little bit. Show mild interest for now. - Take your time asking her out. Say... two weeks? - If she asks the dreaded friend question, tell her you have enough friends that are girls and you are interested in her as your girl. Don't waver.
O'Malley Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 Don't wait too long in asking her out; she's likely to assume that you are not interested in her if you keep chatting but don't up the ante. Some women will not take the initiative, no matter how much chemistry there seems to be. Flirt with her, and keep up the jokes and the eye contact. After class, casually ask her if she'd like to (grab a bite to eat/ go see a movie/concert) with you. Be specific about the date/time as well and you're set to go.
Author shadowsfall Posted January 28, 2009 Author Posted January 28, 2009 Thank you for the responses.... I'm totally agreeing with all of you about asking her out but I'm a little skeptical to do it this soon. Is it possible that 2 weeks is too soon? I know its better to do it sooner while the chemistry and excitement are more clearly present, but a part of me feels like I'm jumping the gun with her. Anyway, to be completely honest with everyone its really going to depend on next week and how everything goes, the vibes I get, attention, conversation etc... IF the connection is still there and as strong as last week, I'll know for sure that this is probably purposely meant to be something beyond a platonic level and then I'll go for it. Lol damn I never thought I'd be nervous to ask a girl out after having so much luck dating growing up. However, during my year of being single and by concentrating more on my education, I feel like i've lost a little confidence in my approaching strategy with women.
sid3 Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 Two weeks is bordline too long. That's long enough to be welcomed into the FZ... don't over think it. That's the worst thing most people do, including myself in the past. Looking for subtle signs, vibes etc is not always reliable. Sounds like your experienced enough to pick up her body language, so you should be ok. What I've learned that has proven to be my most helpful tool when it comes to dating is to trust my instinct. More often than not it's right. Unfortunately I have yet to use it beyond determining whether or not someone's interested in me or not. Now if only I can stay focused long enough to guage the potential crazy probability.........Anyhow, My point being, if your gut tells you she's into you, than act on that info alone. We often fall into the FZ when we get comfortable too quickly with a new interest. Your lucky that Vday happens to be just around the corner. Good luck, I'm sure you already know it's better to go after what you want and fail than it is to never try and regret.
likestolaugh Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 no. It's not too soon to do it next week.
Author shadowsfall Posted January 28, 2009 Author Posted January 28, 2009 Hey Sid, you and I definitely share the same philosophy on things in that "I'd rather regret doing something, than not doing something." I've always lived by that and this situation should really be know different. I also agree with you about instincts and as I've grown older I've learned to listen to them more and more as most of the time they just work to reaffirm what we are already thinking. Hopefully though I'm not reading into her too much and just getting excited off of the first nibble. Like I said it's been a few months since I've dated so I'm still open to the possiblity that I'm just over-excited a little bit over it. I don't really know why either, i've been in a few relationships for my age. Regardless though I'm still going all or nothing next week. Otherwise I'll never know what could have been.
Author shadowsfall Posted January 28, 2009 Author Posted January 28, 2009 I will definitely let everyone know! Thank you!
Author shadowsfall Posted February 3, 2009 Author Posted February 3, 2009 Sorry for the long update, but I really dont want to leave out any details so I can hopefully get a more accurate read from someone else. So tonight was our 3rd class. Everything started out pretty much the same between us, a lot of chit chat, flirting etc. During the break we ended up walking seperately to go get something to eat/drink. Partially because she was on the phone leaving a msg for someone so I didn't want to invade, but we talked for a little bit during break. After break she offered me some kind of frozen peas or something she bought and even though I hate peas, I still ate them anyway (what was I supposed to do lol?). At the end of class I waited outside for her so we could walk to our cars. I noticed though she was looking at her phone and I kinda felt like maybe she was going to make a call and withheld because I was there. I'm wondering if i'm not giving her enough space? And I've also noticed from conversations that we've been having that she seems to have a few guy 'friends.' She's never mentioned them in a suggestive context but I have heard her respond a few times with "one of my friends... "he... etc. This may or may not be a red flag, I don't know though its hard to tell. Anyway, It didn't feel like the vibes were as strong this week but maybe it's because I was expecting them this time around. I think I was kind of hoping for a little more certainty from her because that's the only thing really holding me back from pursuing her. Usually I always have a strong incling as to a girls interest level, and I have no problem asking them out. She's a little trickier to figure out because I can't tell if she's just too shy to take the initiative, or is just clearly not interested in me that way. Anyway to wrap it up I did get her number, but I used the infamous "Why don't we exchange numbers in case one of us is ever out sick." Soooo thats it. I'm a little disappointed I didn't take it further as I realize my window is closing, but I'm just thrown off by her sometimes. Sometimes I feel like shes interested, but then I start thinking that she may not want any outside relationships with someone that she has to see every monday even if things dont work out.
Surfer Dude Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 You probably blew it, it's over. You can try asking her out, but right now you risk losing the friendship. That's the price you pay for not being assertive and making a move in the very beginning.
carhill Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 Chat up one/some of the other girls in the class; don't make the same mistake twice. Nothing is more interesting to a woman than a man who has other women interested in him It's normal for her to have "guy friends"; you have "girl friends". See how that works. Next time, if you sense interest and chemistry, you act on it. Don't analyze it. Come back here and post your failures. Consider them preparation for that opportunity where you achieve success
Author shadowsfall Posted February 4, 2009 Author Posted February 4, 2009 Thanks for the replies everyone. Its funny I have no problem being assertive with girls who I KNOW for sure are interested, but this one's sending me mixed signals. Either way though life goes on and there will be others. I'll still be able to tell next week if that spark's there and if so I'll probably do it then. Speaking of talking to others though I've been getting even stronger signals from another girl in one of my OTHER classes. But she's taking it a step further and is actually touching me quite a bit on my shoulder (sits in back of me). She's also complimented my clothes and my hair lol and asks me a lot of questions about my life. I have a better feeling about her than I did with this other girl, and next week I'm gonna ask this one out. However, I have a quick question about her for everyone. The first week we were in class I remember overhearing a conversation with her outside and she was talking to someone and told that person that she'd 'try' and text them in class later. I realize its impossible to tell if this person was maybe her bf, but whats a good way to find that out from her? In other words, how I can I approach the subject casually without coming across as overly interested?
The Collector Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 Don't ask. Assume the sale, make a move, and if she's got a boyfriend she'll tell you. And if she likes you and your fearless approach, maybe she'll dump any bf.
Author shadowsfall Posted February 11, 2009 Author Posted February 11, 2009 So I had everything planned to ask this other girl out tonight that's been showing me a lot of attention. Everything was going great all night long. She must of touched my shoulder, arm and hair at least 10 times. We also had to get to know some other people in class and she happened to be in my group. I jokingly said I already know enough about "her" and she smiled and said very suggestively "You don't know enough yet." I wasn't about to ask her out in front of the whole group even though that kind of language would of been a great segway into a date. I decided to wait until the end of class but then she asked (to herself) if this class was almost over because she has "things to do." Some dude in back of me (non-threat) asked her "like what"? I didn't make out all of it but it was something along the lines of my "BOYFRIEND" and I are gonna blah blah blah. Once I heard that it was like a crushing blow to my ego and it definitely hurt a little. I don't understand why in the hell she would show me such a high level of interest and then mutter to someone else about her boyfriend. And it was definitely muttered. Before everyone assumes she's not interested I can definitely tell you she is, but obviously it's not good timing for her given her bf situation. Anyway I feel like complete **** now and I'm so ****in sick of not getting dates. I mean the one I thought for sure was locked in came to a screeching hault tonight. I've reached a real low point tonight between a fight with one of my best friends last week and now this. I never thought I'd feel as pathetic as I do because I've always been one that has no problem getting dates. Its been a great 9 months of being alone but honestly after seeing everyone at school talking with their SO on the phone after class I'm starting to become resentful. Tonight just totally sucked, I don't know how to let this roll off. She's a really cool girl with a great personlity and body to match, and we have great chemistry. Does anyone think I should ask her out anyway or just move on from it?
carhill Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 Sure, WTF, ask her out. Hear clearly that she has a boyfriend and values that R. Get used to such things not affecting you. She isn't important enough for such things to affect you. If anything, smile, and know you chose well, picking to show interest in someone who respects their relationships, regardless of the harmless flirting going on. You'll meet lots more like her (and some pretty messed up ones too) by the time you get to be my age. The best advice I can give you is to not ascribe more meaning to flirting behaviors (like you described) than is appropriate. I have married female friends who do that and more. It's just something to do and doesn't indicate anything serious. Have fun!
Oliveman Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 For future reference, if you're looking to stay out of the friend zone, you don't have to ask her out in a certain period of time or anything. You just have to make yourself be known to her as a real man. A sexual creature. Someone of value. For example, look at gay guys...they have straight girls fawning all over them and never ask them out. You don't get friend zoned when your interaction reaches a certain expiration date, you get friend zoned when she starts to think of you like she thinks of her friend Kathy. I date a lot of girls, and there's times when dating someone new would be too much of a burden (we all have our problems...). So instead of asking them out I just string them along (not as in make them think I'm dating them....I just mean I do stuff with them and keep them interested without actually dating them). You can even hang out with them and not act sexual, as long as you escalate your conversations to an overtly sexual nature. Talk about other women in front of them, hit on other girls, whatever. No big deal. Most guys (and even girls) seem to think that this behavior would be off putting, but in my experience it makes them want you even more. Moral of the story is you can be friends with a girl without being in the friend zone if you do it right. Think about it...I'm sure there's girls you're friends with whom you're really sexually attracted to. Same difference.
Author shadowsfall Posted February 11, 2009 Author Posted February 11, 2009 Hey Carhill I agree and was strongly leaning toward asking her out either way lol. WTF do I have to lost at this point anyway? I realize that I shouldn't assume every female that pays extra close attention to me is making herself available for me but my problem is that I DO in fact assume this. Not to come across like a complete moniacle prick but I've had this happen quite a bit growing up and this was just like being back in high school to me. I need to really stop thinking this for the sake of preserving my feelings in case I'm misreading these women. However in this case I wasn't "seeing what I wanted to see," because everything was cleary obvious, and unfortunately so was overhearing her bf situation. I know women come and go and perhaps my problem is that I get too much into ONE woman at a time, instead of focusing on multiple women. For example last week it was a girl in my Mon class who's number I got for the sake of exchanging them for the class (although she has texted me a few times since). This week was a girl in my Tue class who obviously is taken. Now ALREADY I'm thinking of another girl sitting in front of me in my Tue class. I'm still gonna ask the other girl out like I said but this other one perhaps will be another future prospect. And if things work out with this future prospect perhaps that will only create some jealousy among this taken girl, who knows? Thanks Car! It's always good to hear from you.
Author shadowsfall Posted February 11, 2009 Author Posted February 11, 2009 I also agree with you Olive, that a friend zone has little to do with time and more to do with their perception of you. I think what I'm gonna do with both of these women is like you said, just flirt my ass off and converse with as many women as possible in front of them. I'm certainly no stranger to the magic this usually works, and if they come around then great and if not hey my foot is already in the door elsewhere. I was trying to do that tonight after I overheard this girl I like has a bf, but I couldn't bring myself to flirt with this girl in front of me even after I heard that. I need to stop taking it so personal when something is out of my control and especially when there are plenty others out there.
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