sparkey64 Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 Heres my situtation, There's this woman I work with, whom I liked for about 6 months since my marriage broke down but she was living with a guy. I went to a friends place for drinks one night and I spent a couple hours chatting with her over wine. There seemed to be a connection. But since then, I found out she had a live in bf I just ignored her on a social level. They split up about 2 1/2 weeks ago now. I went out to the bar with her two weeks ago, bought her drinks danced the night away and started necking in the bar (told her she was hot and that I liked her for about 6 months) . Im pretty sure I could have railed her... but instead told her I have liked her for awhile and could take her to my office (I have kids and she was still living in the same house as her stbx, who dumped her) and... but I didn't want to be a just a rebound. I got her home and that was that. So I turned it waaay down at work. I didnt really speak to her much the first week after this, I sent her an e-mail, and I went to her cubical and said I felt kind of embarrassed about what happened in the bar. I mean we work together and she is still living with her ex. She said "nothing happened and I was fine". We have gone for coffee once since, and out for drinks with a group after work this past friday, she was out of there by 6pm. She is really aloof or shy I havent figured out which, and wont even talk to me unless I initiate conversation. Actually she wont even say hi or bye to me even tho she has to walk past my office. Today I spoke to her for about 45 minutes in her cubicle over lunch. Its like if I talk to her a light turns on, if not I don't exist. I know she is raw, and has a LOT to work through including finding an appartment plus she has a kid, and I need to take it slow and be patient. But man, like I said Ive liked her for awhile and thought then that if she ever split with this dude im there. I DON'T want to get stuck in the friends zone. What to do?
RRyan65 Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 However long you've liked her is irrelevant to the time she needs to get over her recent breakup. Although it seems like primo time for you to make your move, it will all be in vain since this is def. not a good time for her to jump into anything serious. But you already know all of this. Patience.
Author sparkey64 Posted January 27, 2009 Author Posted January 27, 2009 So do I avoid her for a month or so, then ask her out - or do I become her friend - enter the friend zone. It got pretty hot and heavy at the bar, so I think I could become platonic and then turn it back on if the opportunity comes up in the next month or so. I asked her today if she was getting an appartment next week, she said not yet - she is moving in with a friend. So I guess Im trying to move into the friendzone temporarily but keep it edgy. But I don't want to get stuck there.
RRyan65 Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 Ah ah ah ah, tsk tsk. Do not move into any kind of friend zone unless you would like to stay there. You back off as much as you can. If you feel the need to be flirtatious every once and awhile, ok, thats better than getting tangled into her life right now. Do not inquire on whats up with her and her living situation or her relationship. It will become obvious to her that you are sniffing her out, just waiting for the day she says "I moved out and me adn my b/f officially called it quits". You two already got hot and heavy, but that was almost meaningless given the emotional state she was in. Plus, you two work together. You have a lot stacked against you that will only make your situation more complicated if you make hardline advances. What I'm suggesting might be confusing, but the main idea is: Back off, but don't necessarily ignore her. If she approaches you, thats when you acknowledge her. During your daily interactions you keep it light and impersonal (although you've already intruded into her personal life a bit) Anything else is pushing her away from you.
fishtaco Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 She's your co-worker, she just came out of a serious relationship. This is not a good idea. There has to be other women out there you can date. You never want to be fixated on one woman only anyway. Multi-dating is the best way to go. Never put all of your eggs in one basket. But RRyan65 is right. Don't establish friendship. Once you get that going you're done.
Recommended Posts