No more rambling - a serious question

[kashmir]

Forget the thread I made just a few hours ago. I apologize for it. Sometimes I'll get into very short depressions and ramble in my head. What comes out on LS sometimes is NOT who I am. I come off as a lonely frustrated and desperate guy who's dwelling on his past. That's not the case.

 

I can't describe it to you, but trust me when I say that dwelling on these crappy past events is not my problem. Sometimes I have doubts about myself, but I know what to do to get myself in a confident frame of mind.

 

That being said, I DO have a serious and concrete question now, not just some rambling BS.

 

As some of you know, I'm not the most social person. The semester recently started and I figure that new classes are a good opportunity to meet new people, particularly girls.

 

My question is simple - how do I approach them before/after class? What do I say? Take my question as literal as possible. Assume I'm a complete hermit who knows nothing about striking up a conversation with someone, because when it comes down to the moment I essentially am a complete hermit.

 

Essentially, I need something to tell myself repeatedly when the moment to approach comes up. I need to repeat in my mind, "Walk up, smile, and say " ... " " I need a way to break the ice. I need a way to feel comfortable about breaking the ice. I need a way to believe that this girl WANTS me to approach her and talk to her.

[movingonandon]

If these are seminars/discussions, that's perfect. Challenge her arguments (intelligently), make (intelligently) fun of her, and back down just before she starts crying, and if she talks back,even better . Then, after class, tell her that you really enjoyed her analysis or whatever.

as for trying to interact before/after class - forget it unless you know each other or have some legitimate reason to do so...

[jack_daniels]

So, I was in a very similar situation as you and I would like to help you.

 

You can do a number of things to strike up on conversation. I'll late out a very easy pattern to follow.

 

For instance, as you are walking out of class and you are near the person that you are interested in, comment about the class/lecture (i.e. how hard it is, how easy its, crack a joke about the prof/class). After she responds to the comment, you can either carry on talking about the class; but don't be afraid of jumping to asking her name, what program or year she is etc. You have to trust your senses a bit, so dont start a conversation if the she seems like she's in a rush. You can do the same thing if you see a person from your class somewhere else (i.e. standing in a line, sitting at the library). Build up some courage and walk up to them and say something similiar to: "Hey aren't you in my Psych class?" and then follow the pattern of the pervious conversation.

 

Now , I think the best thing to do is to force yourself to start practicing talking to everyone (including men, old woman etc), not just girls that you find attractive. This will not only make it easier to talk to girls, but also make you a better conversationalist and a more sociable person. So next time you are in a line just start talking to the person behind you. And the easiest way to do that is to make on observation about your surroundings and try to carry on the conversation.

 

At first you will be difficult and you will feel like you are making a fool out of yourself at times, just push through it. The more you practice, the better your intuitions will become about how to start and carry conversations.

 

Oh yeah, one other thing... if a girl seems receptive to you, don't be afraid to say something like ("What's your number, I'd love to talk to you again sometime."). If she doesn't give her number, don't take it harshly.

 

Hope that helps!

[kashmir]

movingon, my classes don't really have debates. The smaller classes I have are very devoid of girls. Plenty of girls in the big lectures though.

 

Back when the fall semester started I had this streak of luck and confidence. I must have chatted up close to a dozen girls in the first week of classes. I got the majority of their numbers and always got a number when I asked.

 

Then I forgot to take my meds one night after a night of partying and went nuts the next day. I was in a depression for a while.

 

I've gotta have that attitude I had in the fall again. When I think back, the first thing I said to these girls was simple - "hey, how's it going?"

 

While I dismissed that other thread I made, it does hold significance. I need to realize who I am - a handsome, talented, intelligent, and tall and fit young man. I wake every single morning to practically kill myself for my sport. Who else does that? Some chumps at the gym who think they're hot? Guys in a frat who don't do ****? I've made something of myself and I'm certainly doing better than these a-holes. I think it would help for me to think about my sport. If I can take all the pain that comes with it, then I can take the worst some bitch has to offer if she's offending by me talking to her. She doesn't know what she's missing either, because I'm positive plenty of other girls out there WANT me to talk to them.

[Isolde]

Ask something about the homework or about the notes that were taken that class period. Go for simple and direct. It works. You might still have to flirt with the girl later, but this will definitely break the ice and give some indication you may be interested.

[ruggy]

Hey, you seemed to understand what this professor was saying. Would you be willing to go over it with me and help me understand it better? Say at the library?

 

That should work. Just use a strong voice character. If you hesitate the girl will smell it a mile away. Say it like you were saying it to your best friend. No pressure. If the girl says no, say oh and thanks anyway. Then walk away with character. Head up walking like you do not have a care in the world.

[zenith]

listen to Isolde and ruggy

 

both very good ideas