ffs Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 It has been about 6 months since I broke up with my ex of 2 years. I'm 24 and in my whole life she was the only woman I ever had. I coped with the break up quite well, at first I was really upset but friends dragged me out of it and I worked positively on my life.. I feel I am a better person now and often feel huge amounts of confidence running through me. I tried dating women, mostly through internet dating and the results were pretty crappy. The girl I used to date was a real beauty, so sweet and I don't quite know how I landed her, I wasn't going to sit around asking questions. It seems no matter how much I drop my standards now, I can't find another person who's actually interested. This one girl I got along with fantastically and we must have been out (at 4+ hours a time) 5-6 times. I realised something was wrong because we hadn't even kissed yet, and when I tried going for it she told me she likes me as a friend.. wtf.. Anyway that started bringing me to a real low point.. I started wondering why my ex liked me and started longing for her company again, and this is where the really depressing part happened. Suddenly one night while I was out with the girl (whom later turned me down), I received a phone call and a text message from my ex who is now overseas (first time in 4 months either of us had contacted). At the time I felt strong because I thought I had something going on with this new girl, and told my ex she was either willing to give 100% or I would give 0%. She ignored what I said and just kept saying crappy things like "I miss you", "There isn't a day I don't think of you", and 100 other meaningless things. When I hit rejection from this other girl, suddenly the futile attempts at dating I've had these past few months seemed EXTREMELY futile and I ended up begging my ex to give me another chance (as if I did anything wrong in the first place). So basically now she wants me to come and visit her back home before she'll even consider anything.. and most likely she doesn't actually want anything other than sex and some ego boosting. I feel powerless to resist her despite knowing she does not have my best interests at heart Haven't felt this low since last August.
Geishawhelk Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 Well, I hate to sound harsh but you took yourself back to that place. Now man up and get yourself back out of it. Sorry about this, but your post sounds pathetic. Get some backbone man! you got yourself out and on the level once, do it again. Call your ex- and tell her that much as you love her, you have to know you're going over there, because she really wants to try again, 100% or else she can count on you for Zero. No point you going over there just to boost her ego, and have sex with her.... Do it! Say it! You said it once, say it again! Don't let the whims of another person rule who you are.
Zammo25 Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 It has been about 6 months since I broke up with my ex of 2 years. I'm 24 and in my whole life she was the only woman I ever had. I coped with the break up quite well, at first I was really upset but friends dragged me out of it and I worked positively on my life.. I feel I am a better person now and often feel huge amounts of confidence running through me. I tried dating women, mostly through internet dating and the results were pretty crappy. The girl I used to date was a real beauty, so sweet and I don't quite know how I landed her, I wasn't going to sit around asking questions. It seems no matter how much I drop my standards now, I can't find another person who's actually interested. This one girl I got along with fantastically and we must have been out (at 4+ hours a time) 5-6 times. I realised something was wrong because we hadn't even kissed yet, and when I tried going for it she told me she likes me as a friend.. wtf.. Anyway that started bringing me to a real low point.. I started wondering why my ex liked me and started longing for her company again, and this is where the really depressing part happened. Suddenly one night while I was out with the girl (whom later turned me down), I received a phone call and a text message from my ex who is now overseas (first time in 4 months either of us had contacted). At the time I felt strong because I thought I had something going on with this new girl, and told my ex she was either willing to give 100% or I would give 0%. She ignored what I said and just kept saying crappy things like "I miss you", "There isn't a day I don't think of you", and 100 other meaningless things. When I hit rejection from this other girl, suddenly the futile attempts at dating I've had these past few months seemed EXTREMELY futile and I ended up begging my ex to give me another chance (as if I did anything wrong in the first place). So basically now she wants me to come and visit her back home before she'll even consider anything.. and most likely she doesn't actually want anything other than sex and some ego boosting. I feel powerless to resist her despite knowing she does not have my best interests at heart Haven't felt this low since last August. I would throw in an alternative view point. There is always a chance your ex does still hold genuine and true feeling for you espeically as the break up has been 5 months so don't do anything hasty. Although Ls states that people who split up are never meant to be together again but I am not so sure. The balls in your court, a tricky one to be sure. If you still love her I would reckon you could give it another go. Who knows it might work out.
lonelygurl Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 your post brings my question to mind that I ask myself over and over..... why do people constantly think they have to be in a relationship????? why do you HAVE to have a g/f? If the one you were dating isn't working out then move on and try dating someone else. It is not a disease to be single. I heard on the radio the other morning that there are more single people than married and it is becoming a trend. It has always been married people asking single people why aren't you married...soon it is going to be single people asking married people why are you married.
sedgwick Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 Well, I hate to sound harsh but you took yourself back to that place. Now man up and get yourself back out of it. Sorry about this, but your post sounds pathetic. Get some backbone man! Why are you so mean???? I read what you write to people and it makes me cringe for them.
Alex_M Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 I'm so sorry that you're having to deal with this. Do what you think is honestly best. I don't think Geisha is actually as mean as she comes across as, otherwise why would she be posting so much on a community help site? She's probably the most helpful person here that i've seen. A good kick in the arse is usually just what the doctor ordered. Harsh but often words that make you suddenly realise what a tool you've been.
Author ffs Posted January 28, 2009 Author Posted January 28, 2009 I sat around at home drinking and playing my guitar, sending the occasional SMS back and forth between the ex. It's so obvious she does not have my best interests at heart and she's just really upset. She wanted to rely on me as a 'good friend'. What the hell is that? I reminded her that I love her and friendship will never be enough. All she said was 'come to me', no words of love. I can't trust her enough to spend the money to visit her. This is tearing me up inside. I need something to forget her. Perhaps castration.
Geishawhelk Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 No, I would classify that as being a bit extreme. Your kids won't thank you either. You see how this is tearing you up, so I'm going to give the same advice to you, as i do to people who seem hell-bent on orchestrating their own despair: You have to be determined to go No Contact. Write her one final message/text/e-mail (whatever): Tell her that you know seeing her would be more for her benefit than yours. It's killing you and ripping you apart to be in touch with her like this, so please could she respect your wishes and just not get in touch any more. (The time to get in touch with her will be when you have a wife, three kids, two cats in the yard, and seeing her kissding another guy will merely make you glad she's happy.) Until then, ask her to no longer communicate with you, including this last message you are ssnding to her. You cannot let your damaged heart be in pain a moment longer. Tell you what - if she replies, that shows how selfish she is. Inconsiderate and thoughtless, and thinking of herself. If she doesn't reply - then you know this is day one of healing. It starts here.
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