me101 Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 Hi my gf of over 7 yrs ended it five months ago. She has had a new bf since but now she is showing up alone in places where she knows I will be. And to top it all off her best Frnd went in to my car to leave me a note that said she hoped I had a good day ? I think she was snooping and my ex is the only person who knows that I dont lock my doors because I have a convertable. When I see her I dont speak because a couple of months ago she told me not to call or email her so I havent. So what gives why is she showing up with out her new bf where she knows we will be face to face and pretty much the only ones there. ? And what is the take on her freind ?
Island Girl Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 I would have to say that she is not finding complete fulfillment in her current relationship. There are times when she is comparing the two of you or is reminded of you. She is trying to engage you either because she wants attention and some ego stroking - that you are dying to get her back. She may wat to get back together. She may not. Either way you should stay away from her, even if you do want her back, until she is single. The only thing you need to say if you are confronted is "are you single?" and if the answer if no then you say "then we have nothing to talk about". And get out of there. If she does say she is single then you can delve into what she is doing contacting you, etc. I am guessing she broke up with you, right? And her friend is just in on the shenanigans and assisting her (poorly) with reaching out to you. As long as she is not stepping up to the plate and playing these little games I'd avoid her and certainly do not make an effort to make things easier for her by going to her or extending yourself in any way.
smookie Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 I would just find new places to go to . Unless you want to be with her again?
Author me101 Posted January 27, 2009 Author Posted January 27, 2009 Thanks for the input. I dont really see her making the firts move so I guess that I will have to wait it out and see what happens
HEARTBROKENHURT Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 I believe she is testing u to see if u will get angry or not. She's secretly wanting u back but wants to have her cake and eat it too. She wants to see how well u handle seeing her with her new man (which won't last) she's just trying to get ur nerves rattled. Trust me she will be back just watch and see.
smookie Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 She has had a new bf since but now she is showing up alone in places where she knows I will be. And to top it all off her best Frnd went in to my car to leave me a note that said she hoped I had a good day ? I think she was snooping and my ex is the only person who knows that I dont lock my doors because I have a convertable. ? Call me Crazy but I see that she is trying to make the first move however she may be scared due to the fact that she asked you not to contact her, She went to someone else so fast. I would be scared to talk to someone after that. Why not ask her how she is? Say nice to see you here. Thats all, see where it goes from there
smookie Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 She has had a new bf since but now she is showing up alone in places where she knows I will be. ? No she is no bringing him with her, i think maybe single again and wants to talk to you. Make the first move, you never know... Really what can happen at most she says they are together. Just be ready and open to hear these things.. and this is only if you want to be back with her
Posco_Proudfoot Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 Hi my gf of over 7 yrs ended it five months ago. She has had a new bf since but now she is showing up alone in places where she knows I will be. And to top it all off her best Frnd went in to my car to leave me a note that said she hoped I had a good day ? I think she was snooping and my ex is the only person who knows that I dont lock my doors because I have a convertable. When I see her I dont speak because a couple of months ago she told me not to call or email her so I havent. So what gives why is she showing up with out her new bf where she knows we will be face to face and pretty much the only ones there. ? And what is the take on her freind ? I assume you would consider taking her back? Well, be prepared. It won't be like before. It is possible she also got dumped and running back to familiar territory, only to wait it out for the next guy.
Author me101 Posted January 27, 2009 Author Posted January 27, 2009 I know that she is still with her new BF and that makes it even harder to figure out. I dont know if she just wants me to see her or like some of you said testing the waters to see my reaction. I know that the new BF was just a way to get over me but now I am starting to wonder if the new is wearing off ? As i said in my first post her best freind left me a note in my car , so i gave her a call to say thanks. I dont know about anyone else but if I went to the trouble of leaving some one a note I would return there phone call ! If they are playing games then I want her to know that I am not up for it. I have still not made any contact with her what so ever and I dont plan on it any time soon if ever. It really sucks because I do love her.
smookie Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 Why will you make no contact with her? Is it the pride, is it the fear of rejection? Just make small talk, ask her how she has been. If you do not want to know anything else about her then do not ask. Tell her that it was nice to see her and walk away. Avoiding her in the same place does nothing. I know that I am still living with my ex (only a few more days) and I avoid him but thats because I do not want contact.
Author me101 Posted January 28, 2009 Author Posted January 28, 2009 Hi the reason why I wont speak to her is because 2-3 months ago she told me not to contact her and move on. So I have left her alone and have started seeing other people. Also i am afraid of the rejection and I dont want to have to deal with that again. If she speaks then I will but in my mine she made the call to not speak so she should be the one to break it. However if she continues to do things like this then I may contact her but it will not be face to face. The thing that I dont get is that she told me not to talk to her freind about her or our relationship but now her freind is contacting me ? Once again I am confused
smookie Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 She may be going through her friend to have contact with you. I see your point in not wanting to break the no contact rule but why wait until she does it. I would just say hey hows it going, then walk away, ya your knees might wobble, you will sweat, you'll be scared but at least you will know. What kind of place is it that she keeps on going to that you go to, How far away does she have to go? Like does she have to go out of her way to run into you? She might being thinking the same way as you, I broke it (contact) I can not now say hi to him. There is ways to de confuse yourself but you must take the first step. She is not doing it.
Author me101 Posted January 28, 2009 Author Posted January 28, 2009 She and I go to the same church because our familys are there but since we have broken up she has only been a few times and always has her new BF in tow. Our church is pretty big we have a few diffrent bulidings. We have three diffrent churches going on at one time. There is an english speaking church , a spanish church and a childrens church. See goes to the english speaking service and I teach in childrens church every sunday. (These are in diffrent bulidings) and she knows exactly where my class is. She has been showing up next to my door when we have dismissed. Part of my job is to make sure that the room is clean when all of the kids leave. So I am always the last one there. If you could see our church you would know that there are tons of other places that she could be if she did not want to see me. Like I said she used to always have him in tow but now she is showing up alone where she knows we will be just a foot or two from one another. I know that they are still togather but she seems to either want to see me or she wants me to see her ? But we have been broken up now for almost six months.
smookie Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 She is sooooo waiting for you to say something to her. I would never go out of my way to be alonewith a person that I did not want to see/talk to. The only way your going to clear your head of this confussion is to approch her and say hey hows it going? Thats it otherwise you may never know. you may in turn lose a good friend. There was something that brought you two together and there is something that is making her want you to notice her. Do it see what happens. I know it is a ill feeling when we are looking at someone we care about but can not say anything to them. let go of that feeling that is stopping you and jump at it. Or you could say to her that she is to stop coming around you. I would do the jump in one myself, Your posts show that you do want to say something to her but you are scared.
Author me101 Posted January 28, 2009 Author Posted January 28, 2009 I am scared because the pain that our break up caused me was so bad. I lost about 40 pounds and nearly my job. I have come so far now and if I speak to her I think it may set me back and I will have to deal with some of that pain again. I guess that I am just trying to keep my guard up and not get kicked in the heart sack again. I am still pretty mad at her too because while I was dealing with the pain she was out with her new bf having a grand ol time. I dont have a bad temper but I do sometimes speak before I think.
smookie Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 Oh I get it. Aww ask her to stay away from you... She really hurt you and ya now i soo see why you are reluctant to talk to her. Ya ignore her. there is never a good outcome when your hurt like that. You have every right to be angery with her. She disregaurded you and your feelings at a time of need. Maybe if you can not say anything to her tell that friend that you really do not want to see her, The word will always get back to her through a friend. Keep her gone!
Author me101 Posted January 28, 2009 Author Posted January 28, 2009 I do still love her but so much water has gone under the bridge that I dont know if it is possible to make it right. But I see people work it out after one cheats or has an affair. So I guess that when I told her I would love her forever no matter what , I really ment it !!
Weird Posted February 1, 2009 Posted February 1, 2009 I say if it keeps going on you simply confront her and ask her what's up. People really need to start just being up front with another so it saves everyone's time, feelings, stress and all that jazz. If you want nothing to do with her right now then just tell her to leave you alone because you do not want to be hurt by her again. Really, honesty needs to be the prime objective for everyone when it comes to relationship stuff. I can't even fathom all the time and crap people would save if they were just up front with one another instead of playing games (your ex to me is playing games) and wondering what the intentions are behind every action another person makes.
Recommended Posts