lonelygurl Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 I finally took the last step for complete NC. I finally blocked him from my emails. There have been some emails back and forth. Mainly to do with trivial stuff. Last week I received two from him. One was to do with his benefits he his keeping me on, but I found it strange that he sent it sense he had already told me he would and I had already thanked him. He sent me another one about something to do with my sons xbox, which I don't know why he bothered forwarding it. I had wanted the email address deleted after I had added a new one, but the company said they can't due to the fact it is the primary address with my internet.....blah blah. I'd rather he receives a undeliverable message rather than thinking it just comes through. I had already changed my phone numbers. This is so hard!!!! I still miss him so much but I have to remember that there is almost a 100% chance he has a new g/f and doesn't miss me one ounce. Doesn't make it hurt any less that someone you love so much can just walk out and never look back after seven years and especially after I let him back in my life when he left me a first time. What a fool I am.:sick:
EmperorR Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 Your not a fool he is. Congrats on your step I know how hard it is, this week I finally deleted all of ex and I pictures from my pc and shredded the last remaining hard copy pictures I have, every step helps towards fully healing.
Author lonelygurl Posted January 26, 2009 Author Posted January 26, 2009 thanks Emperor.... Funny this is the second time he's dumped me and I am having a lot of self-loathing this time with all the why's as to why did I allow him back into my life for a second time. It doesn't make the pain any less. It hurts just as much as the first time, but I feel the fool. I don't watch Dr. Phil anymore but I always remember him saying years ago that past behaviour predicts future and how my X was so mad by that comment. Well my doctor told me "I guess it's safe to say that some people never change". I have almost nothing left to remind me of the X. I shredded all his cards, including the ones in his dresser from me before his stuff was moved and all my pics and the ones from my computer. I have thrown out all clothes, accesories ect that he gave me. I have yet to rip down a shelf he made before I met him, although my kids don't want me too. and when I can afford it I will be throwing out the plant stands he made me. I don't want one shred/thread of him left in my place. I was told to treat the break up as a death and that the grieving process is the same.
not_a_happy_camper Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 I don't get the tearing up photos thing.......................I'm sure it's very therapeutic. But I can't discard memories like that. They're my happy memories too. I can't look at them now..................but I'd like to be able to look back in the future sometime and say yeah, they were good. even if it did all end in tears! I don't want to diminish what we had at the same time.......................does that make sense?
Butterfly01 Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 Congratulations on going complete NC -- I know it's hard, but it really will help. And don't you ever feel the fool in a situation like this. As EmperoR said, he's the real fool here. The way I see it, you would have been plagued by "what if's" if you didn't give it another try. But now you know -- you can put it behind you and you will be a stronger person for it. Not to say it still doesn't hurt, but NC will definitely help.
Author lonelygurl Posted January 27, 2009 Author Posted January 27, 2009 I don't get the tearing up photos thing.......................I'm sure it's very therapeutic. But I can't discard memories like that. They're my happy memories too. I can't look at them now..................but I'd like to be able to look back in the future sometime and say yeah, they were good. even if it did all end in tears! I don't want to diminish what we had at the same time.......................does that make sense? Happy memories or not I don't want them. He has destroyed much in me and I don't care to remember anything we ever had together. I don't care to look at them ever again.
Author lonelygurl Posted January 27, 2009 Author Posted January 27, 2009 Congratulations on going complete NC -- I know it's hard, but it really will help. And don't you ever feel the fool in a situation like this. As EmperoR said, he's the real fool here. The way I see it, you would have been plagued by "what if's" if you didn't give it another try. But now you know -- you can put it behind you and you will be a stronger person for it. Not to say it still doesn't hurt, but NC will definitely help. In some ways I feel he was the fool. Our relationship wasn't perfect, but it was good in a lot of ways. It was breaking down in some but I was willing to work on it and yet again he wasn't. He doesn't look inside himself and see that he also has some serious issues to work on. He and his family just blame all the women he dates. I'm sure he will follow down the same path he always has and he may very well end up a very lonely man. I was his only second long term relationship and he will be 45 soon. I honestly don't think he has what it takes to make long term really work, because as I mentioned in another post he is very clingy and becomes very emotionally unavailable and I still remember an email from the girl he dumped for me almost 8 years ago telling him that exactly....so he hasn't changed. You are right. I probably would have always wondered had we not gotten back together. So I guess it comes down to the your damned if you do and damned if you don't.
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