kashmir Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 I've got this theory, based on a few psychology articles I read. Guys who go through puberty earlier correlates to having more confidence and thus being more successful with girls from an early age. Why is this? Well, girls develop before guys, right? So girls start having sexual desires for guys while boys still think girls are icky with cooties. Boys don't respond - girls get frustrated over the years. Girls finally get their break when the first guys start developing around 12 or 13. These lucky guys will have a whole school full of horny girls once they start to crave girls. These guys get confidence early on. In addition to getting attention from girls, they're physical advantages make them more dominant and successful in athletics, which attract girls even more and also gains the admiration and respect of other guys. Now, what about the late bloomers? Guys like me, who didn't have a growth spurt until the age of 15 when I was already 1/2 way through high school? Guys who were undeveloped while other guys were, being physically inferior to other guys and being subject to bullying and beatings. My first two years of high school I was shy, short, and obese. I got picked on constantly for my man boobs. One horrible day I was even held down in the bathroom to have a bra strapped on me and a tampon shoved in my mouth. I had my growth spurt not long after that and actively lost over 50 pounds of fat while gaining a lot of muscle. People in high school still saw me as my old self, though. I was different on the outside, but the same on the inside. I'm asking these questions and revealing this because recently a girl's comment spurred me to think about it. I was in her room with my shirt off and she was rubbing my back. She then made a casual comment about me being jacked. I seriously told her to stop kidding me and she laughed. She acted as though it was common knowledge that I was very fit physically and even attractive. I then realized that I don't think of myself as being a tall, physically fit, attractive young man. I'm not sure what I think of myself as, but it isn't that. Do any guys who have been in my position of NOT being attractive as an early teen have any stories to tell about how they eventually gained the confidence that their counterparts who developed early had all along? Do girls seem to only go for guys who are long-accustomed to having positive female attention? Do I stand any chance?
alphamale Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 How does one get confidence?? some are born with it, some acquire it thru age and experience and some never develop it...
The Collector Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 When I was 13-15 I was a greasy haired very spotty thing. I was confident in many areas, but I did not think I was attractive to girls at all. I was ashamed of the way I looked, and jealous of the boys who were more successful with girls. Added to this I was at an all boys school, so interactions with the opposite sex were very rare. At 16 my skin was a little better, and I started to dress more confidently, and got my first gf - my friend had the guts to approach a pair of girls so I didn't have to do much. She was quite average looking, but I suppose it was a confidence booster, even though it didn't last long. Then when I was 17 I discovered punk rock, dyed my hair black, started wearing eye-liner and suddenly I was beating off the women with a stick. It took a few weeks to adjust to my unexpected dreamboat status, but my natural arrogance soon kicked in and I've thought of myself as ridiculously sexy ever since. Hope that helps.
Geishawhelk Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 Kashmir, what you may be forgetting is that, whilst girls develop physically more quickly than guys - they have the intellectual and mental advantage too. So whilst guys are honing their lay-a-chick skills, and drooling.... girls are looking at them and thinking 'yeh, right....in your dreams, puppy boy.' But this is generalisation. You get mature-before-their-years guys, and really, really, dumb childish chicks. in other words - don't pay any attention to all this psychological stuff. It sounds as if you're picking and choosing the bits that appeal to you, so I'd just concentrate on brushing your teeth, wearing deodorant and being popular. 1 & 2 are easy. The 3rd.... well, that's up to you.
Geishawhelk Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 According to a well respected ladies' magazine, men seem to be successful when they're fauxmo.... also known as Metrosexuals..... heterosexual acting like a gay guy. Dressing well, going shopping with girls, bringing out their feminine side - but between the sheets, proving that they are strictly a ladies' man.... very common. Very successful.....Prince and Adam Ant spring to mind.....
movingonandon Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 According to a well respected ladies' magazine, men seem to be successful when they're fauxmo.... also known as Metrosexuals..... heterosexual acting like a gay guy. Dressing well, going shopping with girls, bringing out their feminine side - but between the sheets, proving that they are strictly a ladies' man.... very common. Very successful.....Prince and Adam Ant spring to mind..... Yeah, in your dreams puppy girl . I pay a lot of attention to clothes & stuff, but the whole Metrosexual concept is completely out of whack. While I could see how this stereotype could be attractive to some girls , that's bending gender roles dangerously. As for confidence, that's simply being convinced that you're the baddest thing on earth, even if you have no job, look, or clothes. The trick is that you need some character to actually back it up (otherwise you're just a delusional jerk). Character is the only thing nobody can take away from you, and therefore - the only true source of confidence. and by character i mean general things such as trusting yourself to be able to deal with anything that comes your way, and not needing anybody's approval to sustain self-worth. It is incredibly hard to do without looks, job, skills, etc., that's why in most case confidence develops over the years, since these things can prop you up while working on yourself. Oh, and as for that metrosexual thing - sure, go shopping if you feel like it, but let girls come to you, don't worry too much about "what they like". Whenever in doubt, ask yourself: "What would Humphrey Bogart do?" (and then do it) :laugh:
IrishCarBomb Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 I think the bullying is more relevant to self-confidence than being a late bloomer. Simply being early to take an interest in girls does not equate to confidence. In fact, some guys find timidity right away. This is because the girls were not waiting for the guys in their class or age group to "develop", but instead the girls turned their attention to older guys. The guys didn't have it all that easy when they started out. However, being a late bloomer can impact self-confidence if you overstress social labels and always compare yourself to some standard rubric. A person may feel inadequate because they haven't had enough dating experience, or had enough sex in relation to some socially defined "normal" amount. What I find strange is that while you seem to put a lot of stress on some social rubric that you don't feel you measure up to, you also quickly dismiss outside compliments. Should social feedback be given more weight just because it is negative? It seems you overemphasize your own negative impressions while dismissing the positive feedback you receive. It would certainly be hard to be confident if this is the way you perceive yourself in the world.
Isolde Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 I know a couple of girls who are significantly more attractive now than they were in high school and they don't really feel any more confident about guys.
The Collector Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 It's much better to be a late bloomer than an early one. I feel sorry for those of both sexes who were considered 'hot' when they were 5 -10, then went a bit fugly after puberty. What a useless time to peak, then it's all downhill.
monkey00 Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 Confidence comes through experiences from past failures and successes. I was a late bloomer also and didn't have a gf until I hit college. Honestly though I think late bloomers have it better. If I had a gf throughout my teenage years, I don't think I would've had an easy time on personal growth and gaining confidence through my own means. It's hard to grow as a person when you're in a relationship. Confidence in women won't necessarily bring you confidence in other aspects of life. However confidence in many areas of life (including women), will bring you happiness in many forms..that would include women. So as a person and the knowledge, experienced, and confidence gained over the years I have no regrets about the past, about being a late bloomer - it has taught me a lot as it prepares me for the future.
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