nature Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 Ever had an ex suddenly go NC on you, with no explanation? What does it feel like? Just wondering, because there seems to be this indignant attitude coming from ex's who have suddenly been place on NC...their great plan that they would have a friendship with you still, has foiled.
Tryng2Trust08 Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 I have never had NC done on me out of the blue. Someone did tell me not to contact them ever again, only to contact me after maybe like 4-5 days and we got back together...I think if someone is going to do NC they should break up with the person, give them a chance to vent or whatever then do NC.
BCCA Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 I wouldnt know, because when I decide to leave someone, I don't stay in contact with them. It's not fair to keep people on the hook or give them false hope. It's best to just completely cut your ties, and go in seperate directions. If you see them years later, sure maybe you can chat for a few minutes or whatever, but thats about the extent of it. 'Friends' is unrealistic. Just wondering, because there seems to be this indignant attitude coming from ex's who have suddenly been place on NC...their great plan that they would have a friendship with you still, has foiled. Well, people like to get their way. When you go NC, you dont care about the other persons wants, you care about whats good for you. And staying in contact is no good for you. Their plan to have a freindship is shortsighted and really an attempt to shed some guilt. If they were serious about being your friend, they would understand why you need to keep your distance, and that you may still never be friends. They just want to feel like youre 'friends' so they dont feel like they did anything wrong, and probably so they can use you. If you are ever to truly be friends with an ex, youll both need a lot of time apart to clear your head. By then, more often than not, the idea of being friends is kind of pointless. Most people dont want to really be friends, though, they just want the person that they just crapped all over to tell them theyre not so bad.
not_a_happy_camper Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 hi nature, I'm still here! floating around................do you mean dumper or dumpee goes NC unexpectedly, or both? you know my story from before..................we both went NC without ever saying anything about it. it's been broken twice by him (once an apparent mistake, still not sure about that one......) and once by me. I don't know what I expected, it being first relationship and breakup. I know I was surprised at the lack of contact in the beginning................because I hadn't accepted it, and it hurt. everyone here talks about how many days NC, etc. I've never really thought about it in terms of time................it just happened that way, the concept was alien to me at the time of the breakup, until I came here, and by then we'd been broken up six weeks anyway.
loveleen Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 this has happened to me plenty of times and even though he was the dumper as well! its crazy how somethings work even when you think it should be the other way around -__- in my situation, me going no contact doesn't do any good for me in making him miss me. for me, my ex misses me when we are in contact.. i just broke no contact of 1 month with my ex and it was the best decision i've made but thats just me and my weird ex's situation! so that doesn't mean any of you should break NC! keep it up! haha
peteyj Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 I've done NC to a couple of ex's years ago. Never spoke to them again. Heck I don't even remember the one girls last name and I dated her for like 8 or 9 months. Another girl I was with for like a year and a half and we lived together for a few months but when it was over, it was over. She tried to contact me a few times, but after I moved offices and changed phones, never heard from her again. I was always that person. When something ended, NC was the way it is. But over the years I've learned NC is kind of stupid. Yeah maybe it's good in the beginning to not be in contact, but over time what are you really getting out of it? If you spent years with this person essentially you're throwing away years of your life. If you made new friends together with this person you're probably throwing those relationships away as well. I doubt you'd be good friends or even close friends with somebody who crapped all over you. But there is nothing wrong with staying in touch with somebody after the initial shock of separation. It's like losing a job. Sometimes you get fired, sometimes there is a layoff, sometimes your boss is an a-hole who doesn't give a crap or sometimes your co-worker got the promotion and you got the boot. Either way if you throw away all your contacts cause you feel like you got wronged, you probably don't have that big of a network. Many people are on the contact once or twice a year. If your ex is on this list, then so be it. But nothing wrong with a holiday card, a "hey how's it going" and so on. Just like keeping in touch with old bosses and co-workers who you really don't like all that much. Sometimes just knowing people and staying in touch with them might be worth a lot more than you imagine. Throwing all that away because of ego does what for you?
Squirtal Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 A guy I dated for about 6 months and who went above and beyond to see me when he could..Touring with a show so was in different cities a lot..suddenly disappeared..didn't answer my calls except one by accident where he insisted everything was cool...just dropped off the face of the earth...when another show came through my old place of work I spoke to an ex colleague of his who said he had started to see someone else at the time of him seeing me and it was easier to just up and leave...I found it all very amusing to be honest...saw him on Myspace a little while ago, hes a ship singer..looks very unheathy and is unsurprisingly single...and not in a good place by his status..LOL Karma!!!
Taramere Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 Ever had an ex suddenly go NC on you, with no explanation? If they're an ex, then no explanation is needed. If there's not a strong enough bond to remain in a relationship, then it's doubtful that there's a strong enough bond to remain in regular contact. "We're still friends, right?" is maybe just another way of saying "let's not be enemies." I can understand the whole "I'm doing no contact" thing. I can understand that people feel that by not contacting an ex when they desperately want to, they're achieving something. It IS an achievement to resist temptation in that way. Just as quitting smoking or any other kind of addiction is an achievement that demonstrates discipline and willpower. That doesn't mean that every time someone's contact with you tails off, they're engaged in some kind of determined "no contact" strategy. People get busy, they get involved in new friendships/relationships/projects.I have friends I don't see for weeks, months - or in a few cases - years on end. Then for some reason we'll make contact and the bond's as good as it ever was. A lot depends on whether life presents opportunities for regular contact, and how much in common you and the other person have at that particular time. With an ex, probably the main thing you have in common is a romantic relationship you shared that didn't work long term. Not necessarily a good thing to form a lifelong bond over.
IcemanJB Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 Wow, now that I think of it, I've never had NC done to me. I'm always the one having to start it.
sedgwick Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 hes a ship singer..looks very unheathy and is unsurprisingly single...and not in a good place by his status..LOL Karma!!! Ha! Indeed!!!
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